THE MAGIC THEATRE TRUNK

AN ANTHOLOGY OF  CHILDREN’S THEATRE PLAYS

By 

Dennis Lamberson

The plays in this anthology were originally produced by Central Lakes College’s Children’s theatre; Brainerd, Minnesota.  The productions were directed and designed by Dennis Lamberson with costumes by David Wilson

The Magic Theatre Trunk

 Copyright 2007  

by Dennis Lamberson

All Rights Reserved

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that THE MAGIC THEATRE TRUNK is subject to a royalty.  It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, the British Commonwealth, including Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union.  All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, and the rights of translation into foreign language are strictly reserved. 

The amateur live stage performance rights to THE MAGIC THEATRE TRUNK are controlled exclusively by Drama Source and royalty arrangements and licenses must be secured well in advance of presentation.  PLEASE NOTE that amateur royalty fees are set upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances.  When applying for a royalty quotation and license please give us the number of performances intended and dates of production.  Royalties are payable one week before the opening performance of the play to Drama Source Co., 1588 E. 361 N., St. Anthony, Idaho 83445, unless other arrangements are made. 

Royalty of the required amount must be paid whether the play is presented for charity or gain, and whether or not admission is charged.  For all other rights than those stipulated above, apply to Drama Source Company, 1588 E. 361 N. St. Anthony, Idaho 83445.

Copying from this book in whole or in part is strictly forbidden by law, and the right of performance is not transferable.

Whenever the play is produced, the following notice must appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the play, “Produced by special arrangement with Drama Source Co.”

Due authorship credit must be given on all programs, printing and advertising for the play.

No one shall commit or authorize any act or omission by which the copyright or the rights to copyright of this play may be impaired.

No one shall make changes in this play for the purpose of production without written permission.

Publication of this play does not imply availability for performance.    Both amateurs and professionals considering a production are strongly advised in their own interests to apply to Drama Source Company for written permission before starting rehearsals, advertising, or booking a theatre.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means, now known or yet to be invented, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, videotaping or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

The Mysterious Case of Ella: Girl From the Cinders

A Sir Hairy Terrier-Snoop Dog Mystery

PRODUCTION NOTES:

This is the “Cinderella” story with a few new twists. The play can be presented in modern dress or as a period piece. The cast can be expanded by adding extra Villagers and Servants to the Prince. The set can be as simple or complex as the designer and director choose. 

Originally, the production was presented on a thrust platform in a black box theatre with three banners and four benches. Time and place changes were made through the use of movement, lights and music. 

The magic can be as simple as sound effects. Sir Fus-budget’s wand should flicker, play sound effects and dispense magic glitter dust. The quick change into Ella’s ball gown is achieved by using a double, dressed in the same costume as Ella with the hood of her cape covering her head and her back to the audience. Sir Fus-budget waves his wand, stunt Ella exits stage right, magically, two seconds later Ella in her ball gown enters.  

Cast

Sir Hairy Terrier

Villager 1

Villager 2

Villager 3

Villager 4

Royal Messenger

Sir Reginal Fusbudget III/ Fairy Godfather

Stepsister 1 - Prudence

Stepsister 2 - Priscilla

Stepmother Dearest

Ella

Prince (Ella’s Dog)

2 Servants

Prince (the son of the King)

{Lights up, thunderstorm sounds, a dog/man comes onstage with a large magnifying glass}

Sir Hairy Terrier: Yes, it was a dark and stormy night. I remember it well as if it happened only yesterday and not years ago when I was a young pup. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m Sir Hairy Terrier-Snoop Dog. And this is “The Mysterious Case of Ella: Girl from the Cinders”…In the small village of Pleasantville, in the distant land of Dillydob…

Villager 1: Good day Madam, deli-fresh goat cheese.

Villager 2: Fresh bread for sale

Villager 3: Strawberries, oranges, grapes, pomegranates

Villager 4:Tasty vegetables

Villager 1: Chicks just dressed

Villager 2: Hot cross buns here

Villager 3: Pears sweet as honey

Villager 4: Garden fresh produce

Villager 3: Kumquats, lemons and passion fruit, get yer papayas

Villager 2: Hot cross buns, crumpets here

Villager 4: Radishes, rutabaga & carrots, cabbage

Villager 1: Hare in the fur-fit for a king-delicious roasted, in a stew, or pie.

Sir Hairy Terrier: As I was saying… In the distant land of Dillydob lived a young girl Ella, with her father, her stepmother dearest, her two stepsisters Prudence and Priscilla, and Ella’s regal dog, Prince. {Photograph} 1-2-3, say cheese! One sunny day a messenger arrived…

Royal Messenger: Message for Sir Reginal.

Fus-Budget: I’m Sir Reginal; Oh my stars and garters! My dear family, I must travel on the good ship Mustard Seed to a far away land on business. But I will be back soon with a great treasure. When I return what presents shall I bring for you?

Prudence:  I want dresses and furs and jewels------

Priscilla: I want candy and cakes and pies and other goodies------

Stepmother Dearest: A diamond tiara, pearls and rubies.

Fus-Budget: And for you, my sweet Ella?

Ella: A simple silk ribbon for my hair and a bone for my faithful dog Prince.

Fus-Budget: All that shall be yours. Good-bye my dear family, I shall return within a week’s time. Here is plenty of gold to last you until I return, budget it well. And here is my Gold card with the magic charge use it wisely and for emergencies only.

Ella: Good-bye dear father return to us soon and in good health---

Prudence /Priscilla: And don’t forget the presents!

Stepmother Dearest:  “I only want a simple silk ribbon for my hair and a bone for my faithful dog Prince”, You’re just trying to make my precious sweet daughters look greedy! I’ll take that gold and the gold card with its magic charge.

Prudence: Oh, mother dearest, may we go shopping? I must have a new dress.

Priscilla: And I need a ten-pound box of chocolate covered cherries.

Stepmother Dearest: Yes, my sweets. We shall shop.

Ella: But stepmother dearest, father said, we need to budget our gold.

Stepmother Dearest: That’s nonsense! What this gold can’t buy our gold card can magically charge. Your father shall return within the week and we’ll be richer than ever.

Sir Hairy Terrier: But Sir Reginal The Third did not return in a week. The weeks turned into months and the months turned into years. And still no news, until a dark and stormy night.

Royal Messenger: Extra, Extra read all about it. The good ship Mustard Seed found afloat. All hands captured by pirates-----

Villager 1: Did you hear? The Good Ship Mustard Seed was found afloat. All hands were captured and tortured by pirates

Villager 2: No-How awful-Is it true?

Villager 1: Yes, I just heard it

Villager 2:How dreadful! Did you hear? The Good Ship Mustard Seed was attacked by pirates; and all hands were forced to walk the plank

Villager 3: No!

Villager 2: Yes, I just heard, how awful and Miss Ella’s Father was on that ship

Villager 3: Well, you can’t trust pirates…Did you hear Miss Ella’s Father joined a shipload of pirates and took over the Good Ship Mustard Seed before it struck an iceberg and all were drowned.

Villager 4: No!

Villager 3: Yes. I just heard.

Villager 4:  How dreadful, poor Miss Ella. Did you hear Miss Ella has become a pirate, and captured the Good Ship Mustard Seed, and forced her own Father to walk the plank into an iceberg before sailing to the tropics?

Villager 1: No! How awful!

Villager 4: Yes that’s just what I heard!

Prudence: Oh this is awful. Did you read the news? That means no new dresses, no new furs and no new jewelry.

Priscilla: I’m almost out of peanut brittle, and there are no more chocolate cherries. I only have two cookies and one pumpkin pie left! I shall starve to death!

Stepmother Dearest: The gold has long since gone and the gold cards’ magic charge is almost on empty. We will have to let the servants go. Servants---

Servants: Yes Miss dearest...

Stepmother Dearest: You’re fired.

Servants: Oh no, We have no bread! Our children will starve....

Stepmother Dearest: Tough. Let them eat cake!

Prudence: Who will do all the work?

Ella: Oh, poor father captured by pirates...

Stepmother Dearest: Poor father indeed! Poor us! He’s the reason we’re in this mess.

Prudence: What’s to become of us?

Priscilla: I’m starving

Prudence: I need a new dress. Who’ll do the housework and milk the cow and chop the wood. I can’t do such thing I might break a fingernail.

Priscilla: I’m too delicate of a flower to do chores. I’d get the vapors.

Stepmother Dearest: Since Ella’s father caused this problem, she shall become our servant. She can sleep in the kitchen before the fireplace among the cinders.

Prudence: And we shall call her Ella the girl from the cinders.

Priscilla: No, we’ll call her Cinderella!--Cinderella Cinderella.......

Stepmother Dearest: Now put on this apron and get to work you little chimney sweep. Come my darling daughters. We must shop to console our grief.

Prudence/ Priscilla: Yes Mother dearest.

Stepmother Dearest: You Ella! Do the wash and ironing and be sure to hang up my clothes properly and remember no wire hangers!!!

Ella: Yes stepmother dearest.

Sir Hairy Terrier: Poor Ella reduced from a rich maiden to a servant girl. Soon, her dress was ragged and her sweater tattered. The day grew long and the work hard and demanding

Stepmother Dearest/Prudence/ Priscilla:

Chop the wood Cinderella

Clean the drains Cinderella

Fetch, Cinderella

Milk the cow Cinderella

Due the wash, Cinderella

Cut my toenails Cinderella

Wash my feet Cinderella

You call this a meal Cinderella?

Empty the chamber pot Cinderella

Cinderella, Cinderella, Cinderella, Cinderella.-------

Ella: Oh, I wish it would stop. If only father would return. I wish I were not a servant.

Stepmother Dearest: But you are Cinderella, you are!

Sir Hairy Terrier: The next day, as the dawn came up- a message, the King’s Herald, rode into town with a proclamation.

Royal Messenger: Hear Ye, Hear Ye, tonight the Prince of Dillydob is giving a ball for all the single ladies in the land. At the stroke of midnight he must choose a bride or by law, the kingdom shall revert back to the evil Duke of Blackmoore. Therefore, all single ladies are required to attend.

Villager 3: They say he’s very mysterious

Villager 4: I’ve heard he’s handsome

Villager 1: I’ve heard he looks like an old troll with a hump on his back

Villager 2: I’ve heard he’s very short and wears a lot of purple!

Villager 4: Who cares? He’s the Prince! And he’s rich! Oh! This is so exciting!

Prudence: Did you hear, the Prince is giving a ball?

Priscilla: He’s sure to choose me!

Prudence: I’m sure he’ll pick me.

Priscilla: No he won’t.

Prudence: Why would he pick such a pumpkin as you?

Priscilla: I’d rather be a pumpkin that a stick.

Prudence: Who, are you calling a stick?

Stepmother Dearest: Girls, Girls quiet!

Ella: Might I go to the ball?

Stepmother Dearest: Don’t be ridiculous! Who would want to dance with you?

Prudence: In that ragged dress!

Priscilla: And that tattered sweater!

Stepmother Dearest: My, what a silly ninny you are. Come girls, we are late for tea at Lady Turnips estate and we must get back early to get ready for the ball. Cinderella, make sure everything is in order. Do you hear? If it isn’t you’ll not eat for a week.

Prudence: Why do we have to go there mother dearest? I must wash my hair and polish my toenails.

Priscilla: Lady Turnip’s such an old bore, mother dearest. I need to bathe and polish my warts.

Stepmother Dearest: She may be an old bore, but she serves the best food in the land. Have you forgotten? There’s very little left in the cupboard and the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker have refused to take our I.O.U.’s. And the miller has ground up our gold card when it ran out of its magic charge. Cinderella, get my precious girls their large bags.

Ella: Yes stepmother dearest.

Prudence: But mother dearest large bags are not fashionable.

Priscilla: Yes, mother dearest, dainty bags are all the rage.

Stepmother Dearest: That dainty little bag wouldn’t hold a cucumber sandwich, much less a three-layer cake. Now, when we get there I’ll distract old Lady Turnip, I know, I’ll ask her about her sons Sir Freddy and Sir Teddy.

Prudence: Yuck! Sir Freddie, the smelly!

Priscilla: And Sir Teddy the pimply!

Stepmother Dearest: Don’t be so ungrateful you could do worse than those two rich Turnips. When the time is right fill your bag to the brim with food and don’t forget the salt and pepper shakers, we could use some silver, as I’ve had to pawn most of ours.

Ella: Here are the bags, mother dearest.

Stepmother Dearest: What took you so long you little gutter snipe? While we are gone no one is to come into the garden, and keep your filthy hands off my pomegranate juice, my cheese and my bread.

Ella: But what are we to eat?

Stepmother Dearest: In the back pasture grows some sour grapes and wormy apples, be satisfied with that. And keep that filthy mutt out of my house!

Prudence: Why do you allow her to keep that horrible creature?

Stepmother Dearest: I suppose you want to catch the rats in the cellar?

Prudence: Oh no!

Stepmother Dearest:  “Oh no!” Come on you two, perhaps I can lose them in the turnip patch.

Ella: Oh Prince, I’m so unhappy, if only father would return. You are the only one who cares about me. Oh, the noonday sun is so hot. But look who comes down the road, it’s a group of weary travelers. {Enter Prince, Fus-budget, and Royal Messenger.}

Prince: Kind Miss, might you have a cup of water for a tired traveler and his companions?

Ella: Why yes, gentle sir. Wait here and I shall fetch you food and drink.

Fus-Budget: It’s very strange but I seem to recall this house.

Prince: But how can you? When we rescued you from the pirates, you told me you had never been to the kingdom of Dillydob.

Fus-Budget: Yes, young master you are right. But the girl reminds me of someone, and that dog seemed almost happy to see me.

Prince: Most likely he thought you might have a scrap of meat or a bone for him.

Ella: Please, sit, here is pomegranate juice squeezed fresh this morning, some cheese made from the milk of our dear cow Bessie and bread, made of flour which I ground myself. I’m sorry I cannot offer you more, for this is all that we have.

Prince:  Thank you lovely Miss, my friends and I have been travelling ever so long. We must make it to the castle before nightfall, for the Prince is giving a ball tonight.

Ella: How lucky you are to be the musicians at the palace this evening! It is said that tonight at midnight, the prince must choose a bride. Oh, I can just imagine how it will be. I can almost hear the music and see the dancing by the lovely ladies and the fine gentlemen.

Prince: Won’t you be attending miss? I have heard it said that all the maidens of the land have been invited to attend.

Ella: Alas, my stepmother has forbid me to attend. No one, much less a prince, would want to dance with me, a girl from the cinders with my ragged dress and tattered sweater. If only I had a fairy godmother to transform me into a beautiful princess.

Prince: Do not cry Miss.  Outward appearances are not as importance as kindness. I would consider it a pleasure to dance with one so kind and generous. Might I have this dance gentle miss? Play my good friends.

Fus-Budget: Sir? Time is passing quickly. We must get to the palace by nightfall.

Prince: Nonsense, we have time for one dance.

Fus-Budget: But the king will surly be angry, and the queen may have a fit! Oh, my stars and garters!

Prince: Forget the king, and let the Queen have a fit. We shall have a dance. Play good friends. (The Prince and Cinderella dance. Stepmother Dearest, Priscilla and Prudence enter.)

Stepmother Dearest: Cinderella, What is the meaning of this?

Ella: Stepmother dearest! These weary travelers were in need of food and drink.

Prince: Yes, dear lady, this kind girl has provided us with refreshments. A fine beaker of pomegranate juice, an excellent cheese and a loaf of the most tasty bread to ever pass my lips.

Prudence/ Priscilla: What!? You gave these beggars our food and drink?

Stepmother Dearest: Why you little gutter snipe! You’ll have no food for a week and you can sleep outside with that mangy dog of yours.

Prince: Madam, do not strike that girl she met no harm.

Stepmother Dearest: This is no concern of yours, you worthless beggar.

Prince: I have made it my concern. Strike that girl and you will be sorry.

Stepmother Dearest: Get out of my way, you rotten upstart!

Fus-Budget: Madam, do you know whom you address? Why, this is the…

Prince: Hush! Here is gold for our food and drink and if the girl is harmed, the Prince himself will hear of it.

Stepmother Dearest: Out of my way! Come girls, we must get ready for the ball.

Prince: Gentle Miss, do not fear, you will attend the ball tonight and all will be well with you, trust me.

Ella: Thank you kind sir.

Fus-Budget: Young woman I feel that we have met somewhere before.

Ella: Prince, my faithful dog, and I feel the same.

Fus-Budget: But that is impossible, for I have never been to the kingdom of Dillydob before. Gentle Miss, take this silk ribbon for you hair and this bone for your little dog. I’ve had them with me for so many a year and yet, somehow I feel they should be yours.

Ella: Thank you, gentle old grandfather.

Stepmother Dearest: Cinderella get in to the house at once you useless kitchen wench!

Fus-Budget: Farewell, gentle Miss.

Prince: Cinderella, what an enchanting name! Sir Fuss-budget you must make sure that this girl gets to the ball tonight. For, it is she that I plan to marry.

Fus-Budget: Oh my stars and garters! How will I ever transform her into a princess, your majesty?

Prince: Become her fairy godmother. Come my fellow travelers, it time for us to go.

Fus-Budget: Oh, my stars and garters!

Sir Hairy Terrier: The weary traveler was really the Prince disguised as a musician, but Cinderella had no way of knowing this. As night grew near, there was a great commotion, as Priscilla and Prudence got ready for the ball…

Priscilla: Cinderella, Cinderella, I need you now. Help pull tighter! Tighter! I must be thin!

Prudence: You look like a stuffed sausage about to burst. I’ve seen blimps thinner than you.

Priscilla: Pull harder I must be the thinnest girl at the ball.

Ella: But why? You’re the right weight for your height.

Priscilla: What do you know? The Princess Beauty Handbook says thin is in. I’m going to be thin. Just look at her, and her, and her, and her, they’re all thin!

Ella: But they look as if they’ve starved themselves. Not one of those girls could pull a plow, chop wood, or milk a cow, or slop the pigs.

Prudence: The Princess Beauty Handbook says eyebrows are worn very full this year. It’s the “Princess Brooke” look. Lips should resemble tiny little red hearts. So paint away Cinderella.

Ella: But you have very nice lips and your eyebrows look just fine to me.

Prudence: What do you know? I must have the latest look.

Ella: But why?

Prudence: Because the Princess Beauty Handbook says so! Oh what a little nothing you are.  Come, Pricilla, let us finish in the privacy of our room.

Priscilla: Very good, Prudence,, Cinderella will always be a kitchen wench. Nothing could turn her into a princess beauty.

Prudence: Could you imagine her dancing with a prince?

Ella: Well, I might----

Priscilla: Oh don’t be a silly! Oh, you make me laugh. Now look what you’ve done. My corset has burst. Oh, I shall never be thin enough.

Sir Hairy Terrier: Meanwhile, Sir Fus-budget was having a bit of trouble of his own.

Fus-Budget: Oh, my stars and garters! What an assignment! Turn Cinderella into a princess! I don’t know how to do makeovers! Oh my stars and garters! My, what a nice little doggy you are. Well, it’s a good thing I found this book during my travels. I’ve had it a long time and it’s mighty dusty. “All You Need To Know About Being A Fairy Godmother, Volume 1.” Chapter 1, Page 1- To be a fairy godmother, wave enclosed wand and repeat the magic words – Wicky Waggy Wiggles- (Explosion) Warning: All magic spells expire at midnight. Not to be used for turning frogs into handsome princes. Wand will not ward off spells made by evil Trolls, Gnomes, or Leprechauns. Wand will not turn straw into gold. Do not operate wand while standing in water, after drinking fermented juices or in the presence of Giants, Witches or Ghosts. No refunds. No returns. Oh my stars and garters! Here goes nothing!  Wicky Wacky Wiggles (Boom)- Does this three times)

I best practice, if I’m going to be of any help to Cinderella.

Stepmother Dearest: (offstage) Cinderella!

Fus-Budget: It’s that horrible woman. We’d better get out of here. Come along old boy.

Stepmother Dearest: Come my darling daughters, show your mother dearest how lovely you look. Priscilla, take off those glasses! A proper princess never wears glasses.

Priscilla: But, mother dearest I can’t see a thing without them.

Stepmother Dearest: Take them off I say!

Priscilla: Yes mother dearest.

Stepmother Dearest: That’s much better. Now Prudence show me your curtsey.

Prudence: Yes Mother dearest. (gets stuck in curtsey position)

Stepmother Dearest: Get up.

Prudence: I can’t I’m stuck, my corset’s too tight.

Stepmother Dearest: How will you ever impress the prince with that? Get up I say! Now practice your dancing. Glide and waltz, 1-2-3, Glide and waltz 1-2-3- Glide and waltz 1-2-3. NO! No, no, no! That will never do! You have as much grace as a water buffalo. Priscilla, your turn, 1-2-3- glide, 1-2-3- glide. Watch where you’re going…Don’t look at your feet. Head up… smile 1-2-3, 1-2-3 glide. Oh, it’s useless! You look like a giraffe. Dancing isn’t your strong suit. Perhaps you can charm the prince with your clever wit. What remarks have you prepared for the prince?

Prudence: Good evening your prince-ship, what a charming night for a ball. The weather is rather nice this time of year. They say it might rain tomorrow, but rain is good for the rhubarb. What do you think?

Stepmother Dearest: The weather? All you could come up with was the weather? Let’s hear your witty banter Prudence.

Priscilla: Hello, Mr. Prince, how’s your health? I’ve been under the weather lately. I had a cold last week. It started with the sniffles, then, it moved into my chest. I was wheezing and sneezing, by nightfall it turned in to this hacking cough! You’ve never heard such a sound, Wheezing and sneezing and hacking…Wheezing and sneezing and hacking!

Stepmother Dearest: Enough! When you meet the prince, don’t say anything. Just bat your eyelashes and flutter your fans. Now…try it.

Prudence / Priscilla: Yes, Mother dearest.

Stepmother Dearest: Bat your eyes gently, you are not sending S.O.S signals. Flutter your fans lightly, don’t create a hurricane. 

{Honk}

Stepmother Dearest: Cinderella! Get our wraps. Our carriage awaits.

Ella: Here they are… Oh, I wish I were meeting the prince.

Stepmother Dearest: The only Prince you’ll be meeting tonight is that mangy dog of yours. Now out of the way and into the garden with you! Come girls, if I can’t marry you off to the Prince, perhaps we can find a Duke or Count. The night won’t be a total waste, at least there’ll be free food.

Ella: Prince, where are you? Where are you? Here boy. Now even my little dog has deserted me. (Cries) I’m so tired. (falls asleep)

Fus-Budget: Wicky Wacky Wiggles, (Magic) I think I’m getting the hang of this! (Magic twice more- A bark is heard) Here little doggy, fetch the stick (Magic off stage)

Oh, my stars and garters! What happened to the little dog? 

Sir Hairy Terrier: It’s me Prince. I believe this is your magic wand.

Fus-Budget: Did I transform you?!

Sir Hairy Terrier: Yes, but let’s not worry about me. You’ve got to get Cinderella to the ball.

Fus-Budget: You’re right. Cinderella… Cinderella wake up.

Ella: Who are you?

Fus-Budget: I’m your dream come true. I’m your fairy god…uh…person!

Ella: And who is that?

Sir Hairy Terrier: It’s me Prince, your dog.

Ella: Oh, my, how handsome you look! Can he really make me into a Princess?

Sir Hairy Terrier: Look what he did for me!

Fus-Budget: Ella, I’m new at this… you and Prince stand over there, and let me practice. (magic 3 times)  I’m ready… Wicky! Wacky! Wiggles! Turn this Miss who looks a mess, into a Princess in a nice white dress. (Magic) There my dear, you’re ready for the ball.

Ella: Sir Fuss budget, what about my shoes?

Fus-Budget: Oh my stars and garters! Wicky! Wacky! Wiggles! (Magic) When I tap her dainty feet, a pair of shoes that can’t be beat! {Horse-shoes appear}

Sir Hairy Terrier: Those are horseshoes.

Ella: I don’t believe those will do me much good.

Fus-Budget: I’ll try again… {magic} 

Sir Hairy Terrier: Sir Fuss-Budget, the book says glass slippers are supposed to go with that outfit.

Fus-Budget: Let’s try that… Wick Wacky Wiggles! Make appear for this fine lass a pair of slippers made of brass. {Magic}

Sir Hairy Terrier: Not Brass slippers! GLASS slippers!

Fus-Budget: OOPS!

Ella: The brass slippers fit fine, they’ll do. Now, how are we going to get to the palace?

Fus-Budget: It says in the book that a pumpkin makes a good carriage. Do we have a nice big pumpkin?

Sir Hairy Terrier: Here’s one.

Fus-Budget: Set it over there. Wicky Wacky Wiggles! Make this pumpkin in to a carriage. (Explosion) …perhaps we should take a bus (honk) there’s one now. Wait for us!

Sir Hairy Terrier: Does anyone have exact change?

{coming in, eating}

Prudence: Where is he?

Priscilla:  I haven’t seen the prince anywhere

Stepmother Dearest: And it’s almost midnight. But the food is divine.

Prince: Good evening, would one of you charming ladies care to dance?

Prudence/ Priscilla: Yes!

Stepmother Dearest: No you don’t! Go away! What did I tell you…I told you don’t get involved with used carriage salesmen, actors, or musicians. We’ll wait for the prince.

Fus-Budget: We finally made it. What a trip. The number 32 bus to the downtown line, then transfer to the palace branch. Whew, this being a fairy god-person is tiring. I don’t know how the tooth fairy does it.

Sir Hairy Terrier: I could do with a little nourishment.

Fus-Budget: Right this way to the buffet line, Prince.

Stepmother Dearest: Did you hear that? That’s the Prince.

Prudence: He looks a little like a dog.

Priscilla: I think he has a tail.

Stepmother Dearest: Who cares, he’s the Prince, after him.

Ella: Oh it’s so beautiful. It’s just as I imagined. The music, the ladies, and, the fine gentlemen.

Prince: Gentle miss. Did I not say that you would attend the ball tonight?

Ella: Yes, thank you. It’s so magical.

Prince: May I have this dance, gentle miss?

Ella: Yes kind sir. {Dance… Clock strikes}

Ella: It’s almost midnight! I must leave.

Prince: Do not go gentle miss!

{Magic}

Prudence: What happened, I was dancing with the prince and he turned into a dog!

Priscilla: He licked my face, I’ve been kissed by a dog!

Prince: {Revealing himself} Good people of Dillydob, it is I, your Prince. I declare that the girl that wore this…eh…brass slipper, shall be my bride.

ALL: OOOH! Ahhhhh!

Ella: Oh, Prince wasn’t it wonderful! The music, the dancing. That kind musician. It was a dream come true. And I have my brass slipper as a souvenir of the evening. Come Prince, it’s a long walk home.

Royal Messenger: Extra! Extra! Prince seeks Ella the girl of the cinders to be princess! Read all about it!

Villager 4: What? Little Ella is to be a princess?

Villager 3: I don’t believe it!

Villager 2: Some people have all the luck

Villager 1: Congratulations Mrs. Dearest you must be so proud that your dear stepdaughter is to become a princess.

Stepmother Dearest: No it can’t be! I won’t have that little beast be a princess!

Prudence: Not Ella, she’s just a servant girl.

Priscilla: Mother dearest I want to be a princess.

Stepmother Dearest: And you shall be my dear. Quick! Lock Ella and her mangy dog in the cellar with the rats.

{Trumpet}

Fus-Budget: His Royal Highness the Prince of Dillydob.

Stepmother Dearest: It’s You!

Prince: Yes, I’m not a musician who can’t be trusted but the Prince, and I’ve come to rescue my bride to be Ella, the girl of the cinders.

Stepmother Dearest: She’s not here, she left a little while ago to visit a sick aunt, but I’m sure one of my daughters would be a suitable princess.

Priscilla: Oh Prince it is I, Ella the girl of the cinders.

Prince: But you can’t be Ella. You are far to thin. You could never pull a plow, or chop a tree, or milk a cow.

Prudence: Oh Prince, here I am, your little princess Cinderella.

Prince: You can’t be Cinderella. My princess doesn’t have full eyebrows or tiny little lips that resemble a heart.

Prudence/ Priscilla: So much for The Princess Beauty Handbook!

Prince: Where is Ella?

Stepmother Dearest: She’s not here.

Fus-Budget: I’ve had enough of this! Wicky Wacky Wiggles {Magic}

Stepmother Dearest/Prudence/ Priscilla: Stop! Ouch! Stop!  Ella is in the cellar with her dog and the rats!

Fus-Budget: Wicky Wacky Wiggles (Magic, Ella Appears)

Ella: Oh, my kind musician...

Prince: Ella, will you do me the honor of being my wife?

Ella: Yes, my brave minstrel!

Prince: I am not just a mere minstrel, but The Prince of Dillydob.

Ella: Oh my!

Prudence/ Priscilla: Who are you?

Sir Hairy Terrier: I am Sir Hairy Terrier, Snoop Dog formerly known as Prince. Would you care to dance?

Prudence/ Priscilla: Yuck!

Stepmother Dearest: You silly old man, look what you’ve done! {Hits Fus-Budget on the head with fan.}

Fus-Budget: Oh, my stars and garters! Where am I? Who am I? Now I remember, that ribbon, Ella it is I, Your father!

Ella: Oh dear father, what has happened to you?

Fus-Budget: I was returning home on the good ship Mustard Seed when we were attacked, by pirates. The next thing I remember I was being rescued by Prince Dillybdob and his troop of merry Minstrels.

Stepmother Dearest: But what happened to the riches?

Prudence/ Priscilla: Yes, where is the gold?

Fus-Budget: Alas I do not know.

Ella: The gold matters not. The important thing is that you are safe.

Stepmother Dearest: “The gold matters not the important thing is that you are safe?” What kind of talk is that? Of course the gold matters! How are we to live?

Fus-Budget: My dear wife...

Stepmother Dearest: Don’t “my dear wife” me! Without your riches, what good are you?

Royal Messenger: Message for Sir Reginal the third!

Fus-Budget: I’m Sir Reginal the third.

Ella: What does it say?

Fus-Budget: Pirates have been captured. Stop. Riches restored. Stop. Claim them at once. Stop.

Stepmother Dearest: Oh my dear husband!

Prudence/ Priscilla: Our dear sweet step-papa!

Fus-Budget: You come to me on the day of my daughter’s wedding asking me for favors…I am no relation to you after the way you treated my daughter, squandered my gold and ran up debts. Out of this house.

Ella: But dear father, you can’t leave them out in the cold with no roof over their head. {Sir Hairy Terrier whispers to the Prince}

Prince: My dear Princess is right. They will come to live with us in the castle.

Prudence/ Priscilla: Oh, Prince!

Stepmother Dearest: See old man, we didn’t need you after all.

Prince: Yes, you my come and live in the castle. Priscilla, I am in need of a milkmaid. That job should suit you fine. You can live in the barn with the cows.

Priscilla: A milkmaid! A job fit for a cow.

Prince: As for you Prudence, you will slop the hogs and I don’t think they’d mind sharing their stalls.

Prudence: A pig for a pig!

Stepmother Dearest: Well I never!

Prince: As for you madam, I have a cozy spot for you, by the fireplace with the cinders and the rats in the cellar. If you don’t care for that situation, I suggest you reconsider the Turnip twins’ proposal. Now come, let’s make our way to the castle for feasting and celebrating.

Sir Hairy Terrier: The Prince married Ella and are now the King and Queen of Dillydob. Sir Fuss-budget decided he liked doing magic and changed his name to Zigfreid, perhaps you’ve heard of him.  Prudence and Priscilla married Sir Freddy and Sir Teddy and live with their mother on a turnip farm on the edge of the kingdom. The townspeople continued their life as before…

Villager 1: Fresh poultry

Villager 2: Hot cross buns

Villager 3: Pears as sweet as honey

Villager 4: Garden fresh produce

Sir Hairy Terrier: As for me, well, I’ve had adventure after adventure. See you soon, when I do I’ll tell you  another tale. “The Case of The Missing Porridge” or “The Blonde Intruder Who Got Lost In The Woods”. Goodbye till then!

Curtain

The Emperor’s New Clothes

-Or-

What Not To Wear

Cast

Jaques Fabulous

Jill Fantastic

Harry’s Wife

Harry the Hatter

Villager 1

Villager 2

Villager 3

Villager 4

Merry Milkmaid 1

Merry Milkmaid 2

Merry Milkmaid 3

Photographer

Emperor’s Herald

Emperor Eric

Empress Ericka

Princess Euricka

Royal Wizard 

Wizard of Finance

Duke of Corduroy

Lady Picklesbreath

Lady Peachlips

Lady Pumpkinhips

Royal Dressmaker

SCENE 1

{Fashion show opening, trance music}

Jaques Fabulous: Welcome, I’m Jacque Fabulous,

Jill Fantastic: I’m Jill Fantastic, and we’re the editors of F.F. F.- Fabulous, Fantastic Fashion.

Jaques Fabulous: The magazine for those with wit and style.

Jill Fantastic: Can we talk?

Jaques Fabulous: Do I have a story for you, please?

Jill Fantastic: Its true, enquiring minds want to know.

Jaques Fabulous: There once was a hatter

Jill Fantastic: And his wife, who was a seamstress, that lived in the small village of Sewinhat in the middle of Witinstyle, 

Jaques Fabulous: A tiny kingdom ruled be Emperor Erick

Jill Fantastic: And Empress Ericka. Both rulers were known for their great style.

Jaques Fabulous: Harry, the hatter, made wonderful hats 

Jill Fantastic: And Harrieta, his wife, was known far and wide for her small delicate stitches.

Harry’s Wife: One day in early spring, Harry’s wife said: you have too many hats! There are hats in the pantry, there are hats under the bed, there are red hats and green hats, and striped hats, and pink hats. You have hats with stars and hats with spots. There are hats everywhere. You have too many hats! There are even hats in the stove and the bathtub. Some of them have to go. There is no room for me to sew.

Harry:  How can I get rid of them? They are unique, each one is different. I wouldn’t know which ones to get rid of.

Harry’s Wife: You are a hatter and a hatter sells hats. So, some of these wonderful hats must be sold. I will choose which ones to sell, since you can’t make up your mind. 

Jill Fantastic: The wife choose a dozen hats, 

Jaques Fabulous: Some with spots,

Jill Fantastic: Some with bells,

Jaques Fabulous: Some tall, 

Jill Fantastic: Some short, 

Jaques Fabulous: Some large,

Jill Fantastic: Some small.

Harry’s Wife: Here Harry, take these hats to the market place. You’re sure to get a good price for them, as your hats are the finest in the whole of Witinstyle

Harry: Very well, I shall return before nightfall with pockets full of gold, and 

silver kadukeos..

Jill Fantastic: All the villagers in Sewinhat came out to wish Harry good luck.

Villager 1: Good-bye Harry.

Villager 2: I just love his hats

Villager 3: Have a safe journey.

Villager 4: Remember don’t talk to strangers. Here’s a nice fresh apple.

Villager 3: Remember stay on the main path.

Villager 2: I just love his hats.

Villager 1: Watch out for the troll who lives under the bridge.

Villager 3: Sell a lot of hats.

Villager 4: Say hello to the Emperor for me.

Villager 2: I just love his hats.

Villager 4: Oh, so do I.

Jaques Fabulous: The hatter set out for the market place.

Villager 1: He stayed on the main path.

Villager 2: He didn’t take to strangers.

Villager 3: He tiptoed over the bridge

Villager 4: So he would not disturb the troll who lived under it.

Harry: As he walked along he whistled a carefree tune and thought of all the ribbons and bells and spots and feathers he could buy once he sold this basket of hats. For there is nothing I like better than making hats.

Jill Fantastic: As Harry walked along he came to a lush green pasture.

Jaques Fabulous: Filled with grazing cows.

Harry: Good day my fine friends.

Jill Fantastic: And the cows answered back with a very loud- Moo! 

Jaques Fabulous: Can you moo?

Harry: Yes, it is a very nice day. Well, I must be on my way.

Jill Fantastic: He traveled for a mile.

Jaques Fabulous: And came to a group of pigs.

Harry: Good day, my fine friends.

Jill Fantastic: And the pigs responded with a joyful-oink. 

Jaques Fabulous: Can you oink?

Harry: Yes, it is a fine day to wallow in the mud. Good-bye, I must be on my way. My it’s getting hot; the glare from the sun is hurting my eyes. I’ll put on this large hat to protect me from the sun.

Jill Fantastic: Just then the Royal Merry Mary Milkmaids.  

Jaques Fabulous: Came along.

Merry Milkmaid 1: That’s a mighty fine hat you’ve got there.

Merry Milkmaid 2: And so stylish.

Merry Milkmaid 3: Yes, so, so ,so, stylish

Harry: Well, thank-you. I’m on my way to the market place to sell all these hats. My name is Harry Hatter.

.

Merry Milkmaid 1: Glad to meet you, we’re the Royal Merry Mary Milkmaids.

Merry Milkmaid 2: We also are on our way to the market place, to sell our sweet cream

Merry Milkmaid 3: Tasty Butter.

Merry Milkmaid 1: And succulent cheese.  

Merry Milkmaid 2: It is rumored that the Emperor and Empress.

Merry Milkmaid 3: Will be shopping at the market today.

Jill Fantastic: The hatter and the Merry Mary Milkmaids walked on, 

Jaques Fabulous: Until they came to the market place

. 

Jill Fantastic: There, all sorts of people were selling their wears. {People hock wares}

Merry Milkmaid 1: Tasty butter, get your tasty butter here.

Merry Milkmaid 2: Try my sweet cream.

Merry Milkmaid 3: Sample my succulent cheese.

Villager 1: Pears, pineapples, pumpkins.

Villager 2: Hot cross buns.

Villager 3: Fresh chicks, get your chicks here.

Villager 4: Peanuts, get your peanuts.

Photographer: Smile!

Villager 1: Juicy cumquats, very tasty!

Villager 2: Hot cross bums

Merry Milkmaid 1: Tasty butter.

Merry Milkmaid 2: Yummy sweet cream.

Merry Milkmaid 3: Swiss cheese, cheddar cheese, blue cheese.

Villager 3: Rabbit in the fur, right here rabbit in the fur.

Villager 4: Get your peanuts, peanuts, peanuts.

Photographer: Smile!

Villager 1: Plums, grapes oranges.

Villager 2: Hot cross buns, get your hot buns here, hot buns for sale.

Villager 3: Sausage by the yard, get your bangers here.

Villager 4: Tasty peanuts.

Merry Milkmaid 1: Butter, Butter.

Merry Milkmaid 2: Fresh cream, if it was any fresher it would still be in the cow.

Merry Milkmaid 3: Cheese, get your cheese here.

Photographer: Smile!

Jaques Fabulous: There were even musicians and jugglers, dancers and magicians.

Harry: Here’s a fine spot to sell my hats. {Reads sign}  “Harry Hatter’s Wonderful Hats”. Hats for sale, big hats, small hats, Hats with feathers, hats with bells. The most wonderful hats in all Witinstyle.  Hats fit for an Emperor or Empress.

Jill Fantastic: Soon a crowd gathered around Harry and started to try on the wonderful hats.

{Crowd} 

Villager 1: I like the red one.

Villager 2: Look this one has bell on it.

Villager 3: I like the one with spots and dots.

Villager 4: This one has stars on it.

Photographer: Smile!

Villager 2: Does this hat make my face look fat?

To read more, please purchase the script.