MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING!

A MUSICAL MYSTERY IN MOTHER GOOSE LAND

Book 

by 

Donald J. Leonard, Jr.

Music & Lyrics 

by 

David Reiser

Cover Art

By

Brian Muecke

Mother Goose Is Missing

 Copyright 2004  © 2004

by  Donald J. Leonard, Jr, and David Reiser

All Rights Reserved

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING is subject to a royalty.  It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, the British Commonwealth, including Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union.  All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, and the rights of translation into foreign language are strictly reserved. 

The amateur live stage performance rights to MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING are controlled exclusively by Drama Source and royalty arrangements and licenses must be secured well in advance of presentation.  PLEASE NOTE that amateur royalty fees are set upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances.  When applying for a royalty quotation and license please give us the number of performances intended and dates of production.  Royalties are payable one week before the opening performance of the play to Drama Source Co., 1588 E. 361 N., St. Anthony, Idaho 83445, unless other arrangements are made. 

Royalty of the required amount must be paid whether the play is presented for charity or gain, and whether or not admission is charged.  For all other rights than those stipulated above, apply to Drama Source Company, 1588 E. 361 N. St. Anthony, Idaho 83445.

Copying from this book in whole or in part is strictly forbidden by law, and the right of performance is not transferable.

Whenever the play is produced, the following notice must appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the play, “Produced by special arrangement with Drama Source Co.”

Due authorship credit must be given on all programs, printing and advertising for the play.

No one shall commit or authorize any act or omission by which the copyright or the rights to copyright of this play may be impaired.

No one shall make changes in this play for the purpose of production without written permission.

Publication of this play does not imply availability for performance.    Both amateurs and professionals considering a production are strongly advised in their own interests to apply to Drama Source Company for written permission before starting rehearsals, advertising, or booking a theatre.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means, now known or yet to be invented, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, videotaping or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

(In order of appearance)

LITTLE BO PEEP

THE CROOKED MAN

THE FARMER’S WIFE

THE KNAVE OF HEARTS

TOM THE PIPER’S SON

THE SPARROW 

ITSY BITSY SPIDER 

DOCTOR FOSTER

WEE WILLIE WINKIE

MOTHER GOOSE

JACK 

JILL

OLD KING COLE

THE ROYAL TRUMPETER

LITTLE BOY BLUE

PETER PUMPKIN-EATER

ERMA PUMPKIN-EATER

VOICE OF HECTOR PROTECTOR

NURSURY RHYME TOWNSFOLK (Which could include: 

HUMPTY DUMPTY; MARY QUITE CONTRARY; LITTLE BOY BLUE; SIMPLE SIMON:

LITTLE MISS MUFFET; THE DISH THAT RAN AWAY WITH THE SPOON;

THREE BLIND MICE; MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB; MOTHER HUBBARD;

MOTHER HUBBARD’S DOG; THE CAT & THE FIDDLE; THE PIE MAN;

TWEEDLE DEE & TWEEDLE DUM; THE COW THAT JUMPED OVER THE MOON, to name a few)

For smaller casts, the following roles could be played by the same person:

-  DOCTOR FOSTER/OLD KING COLE/ERMA PUMPKIN-EATER (in drag)

-  WILLIE WINKIE/ROYAL TRUMPETER/BOY BLUE/PETER PUMPKIN-EATER

-  JACK/HECTOR PROTECTOR

_ THE SPARROW could be a puppet carried and operated by THE FARMER’S WIFE

- ITSY BITY SPIDER could be a puppet carried and operated by THE CROOKED MAN

                                              PROLOGUE – A theater somewhere in Anytown, USA.

(We hear the ANNOUNCER’S voice over the sound system as two spotlights circulate onstage Vegas-style as the MAIN CURTAIN opens to reveal BO PEEP flanked by her back-up singers, THE EWEPREMES, behind which hide the three LOST SHEEP.)

ANNOUNCER.  And now back from a three-week sold out engagement at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas, the Mother Goose Land Theater is proud to present Bo Peep and the Ewepremes!  (SPOTLIGHT on Bo PEEP and the EWEPREMES.)

SONG- COME BACK TO ME! Sung by BO PEEP & THE EWEPREMES

BO PEEP (Singing:)

MY NAME IS LITTLE BO PEEP

AND I HAVE LOST MY SHEEP.

EWEPREMES & SHEEP:

SHEEP SHEEP, SHEEP SHEEP

BO PEEP:

I KNOW IT SOUNDS REAL WEIRD

BUT THEY HAVE DISAPPEARD.

EWEPREMES & SHEEP:

SHEEP SHEEP, SHEEP SHEEP!

BO PEEP (As EWEPREMES sing “BAAA” in background)

I NOTICED THEY WERE GONE ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

SINCE THEN I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THEM HIGH AND LOW.

DOES ANYBODY SITTNG IN THE THEATER KNOW

WHERE THEY HAVE GONE?

EWEPREMES & SHEEP:

SHEEP SHEEP!

BO PEEP:

WHAT’S GOING ON?

EWEPREMES:

RAM-A-LAMB-A, 

EWE, TOO!

BO PEEP:

WHERE HAVE THEY GONE?

EWEPREMES:

RAM-A-LAMB-A, 

EWE, TOO!

BO PEEP:

WHAT’S GOING ON 

EWEPREMES:

RAM-A-LAMB-A, EWE TOO!

BO PEEP:

HEAR ME FERVENT PLEA:

COME BACK TO ME!

EWEPREMES:  (Under Bo PEEP’S last note)

COME BACK TO ME!

(After applause, there is a brief BLACKOUT  as EWEPREMES and SHEEP Exit.

SPOTLIGHT on BO PEEP as she crosses to a white wooden chair D.R.  She is holding her shepherd’s staff in one hand a book entitled, ‘MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING” in the other.  She sits.)

BO PEEP.  (To audience)  Well, hello there!  Today I’m going to tell you the story about the time that Mother Goose was missing.  It’s an exciting story filled with adventure and mystery.  And, it all started one night not long ago.  (Opening book)  Once upon a time in Mother Goose Land there lived some very famous nursery rhyme characters.  But not all of them were happy.  Several of them gathered one night and held a secret meeting in the house of the Crooked Man.

SCENE 1- Inside the crooked house of the Crooked Man.

(As the lights come up onstage, we see a vile collection of villains seated around a table in a room where everything is crooked.  Seated around the table are from stage-right to stage-left; TOM THE PIPER’S SON, THE CROOKED MAN, THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER, THE KNAVE OF HEARTS, THE SPARROW, and THE FARMER’S WIFE.  TOM ignores the fact that his stolen pig, which is a hand puppet he operates, is eating the stolen tarts placed on the table across from him.  THE KNAVE OF HEARTS, who brought the tarts, catches the pig in the act and scolds him.  THE SPARROW holds in its wing a bow and arrow, which it uses to pester TOM.  THE FARMER’S WIFE holds a large (plastic) butcher’s knife in her right hand.  Whenever she speaks, she punctuates all of her sentences by slicing the air with her right hand.  THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER constantly ducks to avoid being cut by her knife.)

CROOKED MAN.  And furthermore, I am sick and tired of all the bad publicity some of the folks receive around here.  Every day I wake up hoping that I am someone else.  I no longer wish to be the Crooked Man who walked a crooked a mile who found a crooked sixpence against a crooked stile.  I have been walking crooked miles for over a hundred years and I am starting to get these terrible backaches. . . . . . .

THE FARMER’S WIFE.  What about me?  I am but a simple country farmer’s wife whose house was over run by three blind mice!  Sure, I cut off their tails with a carving knife, but what thanks do I get?  None, I tell you!  Just last week I was refused service in the local butcher shop.  He told me to find another butcher because my presence in his shop cost him customers!  (Holding knife up to the throat of THE KNAVE OF HEARTS.)   I ask you, do I have the face of an intimidating woman?

KNAVE OF HEARTS (Swallowing carefully)  Why no, not at all!  But what about me?  Do you think I liked being beaten by the King for having stolen his wife’s tarts?  The Queen saw me outside the kitchen window.  She practically placed the tray right into my hands when she put them on the ledge to cool.  It was almost like an invitation to steal them!  And besides, the Queen is an awful cook.  I did the King a favor by stealing the tarts.  They tasted awful!  (TOM’S PIG agrees.)

TOM.  Hey, what about me?  My mother told me to (imitating his mother’s voice, who obviously is a harsh woman) “bring home the bacon!”  Since I had no money, and the pig farmer had so many pigs in his pen, I stole a pig and took it home to my family.  And then the next day, the pig farmer sent the policeman to my house. I was beaten and left crying in the street.  Is that the thanks I get for obeying my mother?

THE SPARROW.  What about me?  I am the sparrow who killed Cock Robin with my bow and arrow.  It was an accident, okay?  How was I to know that the dumb bird would fly right by my target during archery practice?  I admit I wasn’t very good at it.  That’s why I was taking lessons!

ITSY BITSY SPIDER.  Oh, listen to all of you complaining so!  You’ve got it made compared to me!  Look at me!  I’m the itsy bitsy spider!  I’m cute and furry!  My face should adorn children’s lunch boxes!  Everyone should love me and not that wretched little brat they call Miss Muffet.  She’s a horrible role model for children!  I am not a frightening sight, am I now?  It’s simply preposterous!  It should be me that is scared of her!  When she first wakes up in the morning, she is not a pretty sight.  I’ve seen her from outside her bedroom window.  She puts her curds and whey all over her face to keep her skin soft.  If you ask me, what she needs is a large sack over her head.  Now that would be an improvement!  (All laugh)

CROOKED MAN.  I’m getting sick and tired of always being the bad guy.

OTHERS.  (All ad lib:  “Yeah,”  “me, too,” etc.)

SONG- “THE BAD REPUTATION RAP”  (Sung by the villains)

ALL.  (Speaking in rhythm)

Just because we’re not so cute and cuddly like the rest of them

Doesn’t mean that all of us aren’t better than the rest of them.

Why has Mother Goose decided we should take the blame

For ev’rything that’s wrong—somehow we’ve got to clear our name!

(They sing)

THE BAD REPUTATION RAP!

THE BAD REPUTATION RAP!

FORGET OUR KILLING AND OUR STEALING

AND YOU’LL FIND US QUITE APPEALING.

THOUGH WE’RE NOT SO NICE IN EV’RY SITUATION,

WE REALLY DON’T DESERVE THIS REPUTATION.

(They speak in rhythm)

Why are we just sitting here complaining?  What’s the use?

We must solve our problem, and the problem’s Mother Goose!

Nothing’s gonna change as long as Mother Goose is free

To write such awful things about us in her poetry.

(They sing)

THE BAD REPUTATION RAP!

THE BAD REPUTATION RAP!

WE’VE GOTTA FIND A WAY TO GET HER

TO MAKE ALL OF US LOOK BETTER—

THEN NO LONGER WILL WE FACE THE HANDICAP

OF THE IRRITATING STING

THAT WE FEEL WHEN WE SING

THE BAD REPUTATION RAP!

(One by one the characters quietly return to their positions around the table.  THE CROOKED MAN begins sermonizing like an overly theatrical evangelist.)

THE CROOKED MAN.  Now then, as I see it, we must take action and see to it that our good names are cleared so that we no longer must face the public abuse we have taken all these years.  No more will we allow school children to boo us on their way home from school.  No more will we stand for the town folk who hiss at us as we pass by the local shops and taverns. This public humiliation must end!  And will we take this lying down?

OTHERS.  No!

CROOKED MAN.  Are we all in agreement here?

OTHERS.  Yes!

CROOKED MAN.  Then we must persuade Mother Goose to re-write her rhymes so that we will no longer be the butt of people’s jokes or the outcasts of society, which we have become!  Are you with me people?

OTHERS.  Yes!

CROOKED MAN.  Well, then gather’ round, for this is what we must do.

(The characters all form a huddle C.S. as lights fade to BLACKOUT- end of Scene One.)

BO PEEP.  And, so, that night the villains put their plan into action.

SCENE 2 - A street near the cottage of Mother Goose, later that evening.

(The scene begins down-in-one.  We see DOCTOR FOSTER. Crossing from right to left carrying his doctor’s bag and an umbrella.  He reaches center-stage when WEE WILLIE WINKIE runs past him, entering from left and upon meeting the good doctor, he says:)

WEE WILLIE WINKIE.  Are the children in their beds?  Now it’s eight o’clock!

DOCTOR FOSTER  (Looking at his pocket-watch on a chain)  Well, so it is!  Thank you young lad.  I told Mother Goose I would visit her at eight fifteen.  I had best be on my way.  And don’t worry, if I see any young children, I’ll be sure to scold their parents for keeping them out past their bedtimes.   Now, you go home to bed to, son!  I believe it is past your bedtime, as well.  (Taking a coin from a small change purse)  And here is a silver coin for your concern.  Goodnight.

WEE WILLIE WINKIE.  (Taking the coin)  Thank you kindly, Doctor Foster.  Goodnight.  (He exits right.)

DOCTOR FOSTER. (Under his breath)  Why any kid would wander around town after dark wearing only a nightshirt is beyond me.

(DOCTOR FOSTER is completely unaware that THE CROOKED OLD MAN, ITSY BITSY, THE FARMER’S WIFE, and THE SPARROW have entered from off-right.  Each carries a  rope, net, or large sack.  TOM-TOM THE PIPER’S SON and THE KNAVE OF HEARTS enter hurriedly from off-left and accidentally run into DOCTOR FOSTER.)

TOM.  Hey, watch out old man!

KNAVE OF HEARTS.  Yeah!  Next time look where you are going old-timer!

DOCTOR FOSTER.  Excuse me young man, but I believe it is you that was not paying attention.  YOU ran into me!

TOM.   Oh, yeah?

(THE KNAVE OF HEARTS has now spotted THE CROOKED MAN, who signals to him to tell TOM to knock it off.  The KNAVE OF HEARTS points this out to TOM before he starts fighting.)

TOM.  Beat it old man!

KNAVE OF HEARTS.  Yeah, get lost!

DOCTOR FOSTER.  Well, of all the nerve!  Today’s youth needs a sound whipping (He exits).

CROOKED MAN.  You stupid oafs!  We don’t want to attract attention to ourselves!  From now on, as part of this secret operation, please maintain a low profile.  Don’t embarrass yourselves!

TOM & KNAVE.  (Backing down, lowering their bravado)  Yes sir!

CROOKED MAN.  Now then, we must implore a ruse to lure old Mother Goose from her place of residence.

ITSY BITSY.  Speak in plain English!

FARMER’S WIFE.  Yah.  What was it that you just said?

CROOKED MAN.  We must think of a way to trick old Mother Goose into leaving her house so that we can grab her!

(All others nod in agreement while sighing, Ah!)

CROOKED MAN.  Now then, here’s what I suggest we do. . . . .

BLACKOUT

BO PEEP.  Soon the entire group of villains came upon the small, vine-enclosed cottage of Mother Goose.  Actually, it was a giant shoe that she lived in.  It had belonged to the old woman who lived there with so many children that she did not know what to do.  But after the Child Welfare Society found out that she had been beating her children before putting them to bed, the children were placed into foster homes and the shoe was put up for sale.  That’s how Mother Goose got it so cheap!

SCENE 3 - The  cottage of  Mother Goose, later that evening.

(The main curtain opens to reveal the exterior of MOTHER GOOSE’S cottage.  It is a large shoe-shaped cottage with a thatched roof, hinged shutters, and a flower-covered trellis enclosed  over the rounded door with a built-in window.  The house is surrounded by a white fence.  We see MOTHER GOOSE in the doorway of her cottage waving goodbye to DOCTOR FOSTER, who is leaving the cottage, crossing right.)

DOCTOR FOSTER.  Now be sure to use that liniment I prescribed for your arthritis.  And may I also suggest that you take the evening off, Mother Goose.  You’ve been working too hard!

MOTHER GOOSE.  Well that may be true, Doctor, but if I don’t write down the rhymes as I think of them, I forget them.  Do you have a medicine in your doctor’s bag that will cure forgetfulness?

DOCTOR FOSTER.  (Laughing)  I’m afraid not.  Good evening, Mother Goose.  (He tips his hat)

MOTHER GOOSE.  Goodnight, Doctor Foster, and do be careful on your way to Gloster tomorrow.  I understand that rain is expected.

DOCTOR FOSTER.  I’ll be sure to take my umbrella.  Good night.  (He exits)

MOTHER GOOSE.  Goodnight.  (She sighs in a disappointed manner watching him exit.)  Oh, I had hoped he would have stayed for a cup of tea.  I do enjoy a bit of company every now and then.

SONG- “BEING MOHTER GOOSE IS LONELY”  (Sung by MOTHER GOOSE)

(she sings)

BEING MOTHER GOOSE IS LONELY;

PEOPLE NEVER COME TO VISIT ME

BECAUSE THEY THINK THAT I’M

SO BUSY WRITING RHYMES,

I DON’T HAVE TIME TO SHARE THEIR COMPANY.

BEING MOTHER GOOSE IS LONELY;

LIVING HERE IN THIS ENORMOUS SHOE.

THEY PROB’LY THINK THAT THEY’D

BE GETTNG IN MY WAY—

THAT I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO.

HOW I WISH

SOMEBODY WOULD COME BY

AND VISIT FOR AWHILE

WITH ME.

JUST TO SIT

AND HAVE A PLEASANT CHAT—

HOW VERY LOVELY THAT

WOULD BE!

BEING MOTHER GOOSE IS LONELY;

PEOPLE JUST DON’T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND

THAT IT’S NOT TOO MUCH FUN

TO BE THE NUMBER-ONE

CITIZEN OF MOTHER GOOSE LAND.

SO I’LL JUST GO INSIDE AND LOOK 

TO SEE IF THERE’S A BOOK

I HAVEN’T READ A DOZEN TIMES BEFORE,

AND SPEND ANOTHER EVENING BEING LONELY ONCE MORE.

(She closes the front door and is now seen through the picture window settling into a cozy chair with a large picture book.  She is seen in profile as THE CROOKED MAN and his cohorts appear from offstage.)

(THE KNAVE OF HEARTS carries a large hemp rope, and TOM carries a large fishermen’s net while THE FARMER’S WIFE and THE SPARROW carry their props from the first scene.)

CROOKED MAN.  (To ITSY BISTY)  Did we bring all of the things?

ITSY BITSY.  Yes.  We brought all the items you asked for.  We have the nets, and the rope. . .

CROOKED MAN.  (Impatiently)  And. . . 

ITSY BITSY.  (Confused)  Was there something else?

CROOKED MAN.  Yes!  What about the blindfold?

ITSY BITSY.  Oh, I forgot about that.  (Looking to the others for suggestions.  THE FARMER’S WIFE points to the scarf around TOM’S neck)  Perhaps we could use Tom’s neckerchief?

CROOKED MAN.  Yes, that will do!   What about the muffle for her mouth to prevent her from screaming?

ITSY BITSY.  Oh, well …  (looks to others, they are perplexed)

CROOKED MAN.  Never mind.  We’ll use my pocket handkerchief.  (He produces a wrinkled cloth from his outer pocket.)  Now then, are we all ready?  (Everyone nods “yes”)  Then let’s take our positions!  Places everybody!  Alright, Itsy, go ahead.

(ITSY BITSY SPIDER and THE CROOKED MAN nervously cross to the front door and knock while the others stand ready and alert on either side of the door.)

MOTHER GOOSE.  (From inside house)  Who’s there?

ITSY BITSY.  (Disguising voice)  Telegram for Mother Goose!

MOTHER GOOSE.  Isn’t it a little late for delivering telegrams?  Come back tomorrow!

ITSY BITSY.  (Looking at others as if to say, “What’ll I do?  He turns as if to leave, the others push him back to door)  It’s an important announcement. . . .

MOTHER GOOSE.  Who is it from?

ITSY BITSY.  (He looks to others for help, panicking)  Ed McMahon!

MOTHER GOOSE (Excitedly running to door)  Ohhh!  It could be my Publisher’s Clearing House give-away sweepstakes entry form.  I’m an instant winner!

(She opens the door, and to her surprise is attacked by the entire mob.  There is a lot of shuffling about, during which, MOTHER GOOSE is grabbed, blindfolded, and tied.  After the skirmish, she drops her shawl and is hauled offstage as the lights fade to BLACKOUT.)

BO PEEP.  The next morning Jack and Jill wandered by with a pail of water they had brought for Mother Goose.  It was Wednesday, the day they help Mother Goose with her housework, and in return, she feeds them bread with jam and reads stories to them.  But when they knocked on her door, they discovered that she wasn’t at home.

SCENE 4 - The cottage of Mother Goose, the very next morning.

(JACK & JILL enter during BLACKOUT.  They are dressed alike.  They both hold the bucket of water as if it is very heavy.)

JACK.  I don’t understand.  Mother Goose is always home on Wednesdays.  I wonder why she hasn’t come to open the door?

JILL.  Maybe she’s not at  home.

JACK.  She’s always at home on Wednesdays!

JILL.  Maybe she had to go to the store for bread and jam.

JACK.  No, she would have done that yesterday!  She always goes to market on Tuesday.

JILL.  Maybe she went to visit a sick friend!  I heard that Humpty Dumpty fell off another wall!

JACK. Again?  He’s getting careless!  That’s the third time this week!  But I don’t think Mother Goose went to visit Humpty Dumpty.  Only last month I overheard her tell him that it was his own fault, he kept getting hurt and that no one should feel sorry for him.  She said he fell off high walls on purpose just to get attention.

JILL.  Well, let’s not panic.  She could have taken her sister out to lunch.

JACK.  I don’t think so.  Her sister lives in Cincinnati. 

JILL.  (Now getting worried)  Well, where could she be, then?

JACK.  I don’t know.  Something must be wrong!  She always expects us on Wednesdays.  If she had to leave for any reason, she would have left a note!

JILL.  Well, maybe she did.

JACK.  (Looking around)  I don’t see a note anywhere, do you?  If Mother Goose had left us a note, she would have left it on the door where we would be sure to see it.

JILL.  But what if a gust of wind blew it off the door?

JACK.  There were no gusts of wind this morning!

JILL.  Well, maybe there was and we just didn’t know about it!   Let’s look around for a note of some kind!

JACK.  Oh, alright.  Let’s set down this bucket, that water sure is heavy.

(They set down the bucket and begin looking for a note of some kind.  While looking for the note, JILL discovers a familiar piece of clothing.)

JILL.  Jack, look what I found.

JACK.  Why that’s Mother Goose’s shawl.  She never leaves her home without it!

JILL.  Then what is it doing here outside her house?

JACK.  She must have dropped it!

JILL.  But it is not like Mother Goose to be so careless!

JACK.  Hmm.  Something isn’t right here!  

JILL.  Do you think that Mother Goose might be in some kind of trouble?

JACK.  I don’t know, but look around you.  There are footprints everywhere!  It looks like there was a big group of people fighting outside Mother Goose’s house!

JILL.  Oh, no!  Maybe it was that gang we’ve read about in the newspapers!  The one that has been terrorizing the neighborhood!

JACK.  Nah!  The three blind mice never go out after dark!

JILL.  But how do you know they appeared at night?

JACK.  Because Mother Goose only wears this particular shawl at night, it’s the one that glows in the dark!

JILL.  I’m getting worried.  What should we do?

JACK.  Let’s take this shawl to Old King Cole.  Maybe he will be able to shed some light on this little mystery.

BO PEEP.  So Jack and Jill ran as fast as they could to the palace of Old King Cole, the wisest ruler in all of Mother Goose Land.  When they entered the castle, a royal herald announced their arrival.

SCENE 5 - The court of Old King Cole.

(The merry old soul sits upon a polka-dot throne dressed in every color of the rainbow.  On his lap he holds a bubble pipe and a bowl of bubbles.  To his right stands THE ROYAL TRUMPETER, who has just entered from Off-Right.  He blows upon his tremendously long trumpet.)

ROYAL TRUMPETER.  Announcing the arrival of his majesty’s favorite water carriers, Master Jack and Mistress Jill!

(JACK and JILL enter from Off-Right carrying their bucket of water and Mother Goose’s shawl.)

OLD KING COLE.  (laughing) Well, to what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?

JACK.  We have a problem your highness!

KING.  Oh?  You didn’t break your crown again, did you, Jack?

JACK.  No, it’s more serious than that I’m afraid.

KING.  On really?  Like what?

JILL.  Mother Goose is missing!

KING.  (Shocked)  Say it isn’t so!

JACK.  Well, we aren’t exactly sure if that’s what really. . .

JILL.  (Interrupting JACK)  We went to her house just as we do every Wednesday, and when we knocked, nobody answered.

KING.  That’s not like her!

JILL.  And then we found her shawl lying on the ground outside her house!

KING.  No!

JILL.  (Nodding)  Yes!

JACK.  Well, Jill though she could’ve left to do some shopping.

JILL.  (Totally ignoring JACK) And there were several sets of footprints outside her house, and not one of them was hers!

KING.  She must’ve been carried off by a gang of thieves!  This is just awful!  I will call my royal guards!  Where is she being held?  Was there a ransom note left on her door?

JILL.  We didn’t find a note of any kind.  We looked everywhere!

KING.  No note of any kind?

JACK.  (Shaking head)  No!

KING.  This is absolutely dreadful!  If word gets out that Mother Goose is missing, the tourists would stop coming.  And that means nobody would be spending money in our town.  Admissions to our theme park could drop to an all-time low!  We will be ruined!  Washed up!

SONG- “WHERE COULD SHE BE?”  (Sung by Old King Cole)

(He sings)

WHERE COULD SHE BE?

WHERE WOULD WE BE

WITHOUT OUR MOST FAMOUS PERSONALITY?

SALES WOULD DO DOWN

ALL OVER TOWN;

IT WOULD BE A BLOW TO OUR ECONOMY!

IF WE DON’T GET HER BACK

WE ALL MUST FACE THIS FACT:

HARD LABOR WE NO LONGER COULD SHIRK!

WHAT LIES AHEAD

IS SOMETHING THAT I DREAD:

WE WILL  HAVE TO GO TO WORK!

JILL.  (Spoken in rhythm)  Like a fact’ry?

JACK.  (Singing)  LIKE SOME ORDINARY JERK?

KING.  (Spoken in rhythm)  That’s it exactly!

(He sings)

WE WILL HAVE TO GO TO WORK!

JILL.  It can’t be as bad as that!

KING.  Have either of you ever held a job before?

JACK.  Like what?

KING.  What can you do besides fetch pails of water, fall down hills, and break your crown, Jack?

JACK.  Well, I don’t know?  I’ve never really thought about it, I guess.

KING.  Well, without Mother Goose, we will all have to go to work!

JILL.  (Upset)  What will we do?

JACK.  Why don’t we have a town meeting?

KING.  Good idea, Jack!  I will knight the two of you making you my royal detectives.  Then we can announce that Mother Goose is missing!

JACK.  Then we can question people and search for possible suspects!

JILL.  We could fingerprint everyone there and compare the fingerprints to those left on Mother Goose’s doorknob!

KING.  Good thinking, Jill.  And we will have to pay close attention to those residents of Mother Goose Land who don’t come to the meeting!

JACK.  And watch for anyone there who looks suspicious!

JILL.  The real culprit won’t look surprised when we announce Mother Goose’s disappearance.

JACK.  That’s right!  The real kidnapper will know that she is missing already.

JILL.  We’ll find out who that person is and follow him to his secret hiding place where he is keeping Mother Goose!

JACK.  Why did you refer to the alleged kidnapper as a “he”?  It could be a “she”!

KING.   It could be more than one person!  And even more important, whoever is behind this evil plot could be dangerous!  We must be very careful!  Perhaps we should offer a reward to anyone who has any information that might be of help to us!  Quick, let’s visit the royal treasury to get the reward money.  I’ll have my herald spread the word immediately!

BLACKOUT

BO BEEP.   And so, Jack and Jill followed Old King Cole to the royal treasury to post a reward for the safe return of Mother Goose.  Meanwhile, on the other side of town, the plot thickened . . .

SCENE 6 - (DOWN-IN-ONE)  The Interior Of The Crooked Man’s House

(We see MOTHER GOOSE bound, gagged, blindfolded, and tied to a chair DL.  She is being obstinate.  THE FARMER’S WIFE, TOM, and THE SPARROW surround her.  ITSY BITSY is seen talking to THE CROOKED OLD MAN D.R.)

CROOKED MAN.  How is it going?

ITSY BITSY.  Terrible!  She refuses to cooperate!

CROOKED MAN.  She’s still upset?

ITSY BITSY.  Oh, yes!  When we took her gag off to let her speak all she would say is how cold it is in here and that she wanted her shawl!

CROOKED MAN.  The Knave of Hearts has not returned yet?

ITSY BITSY.  Well, I haven’t. . .

THE KNAVE OF HEARTS.  (Running in from offstage, out-of-breath)  I went back for the shawl.  I couldn’t find it anywhere!  I did find this however!  (He hands a piece of paper to CROOKED MAN.)

CROOKED MAN.  (Reading paper)  Hear ye, hear ye!  Old King Cole formally requests the attendance of all residents of Mother Goose Land at a town meeting today at three o’clock!  (To KNAVE OF HEARTS)  Where did you get this?

KNAVE OF HEARTS.  The King’s herald dropped it while putting up several of them in the Town Square.

CROOKED MAN.  Hmm.  They must be aware of the fact that Mother Goose is missing!

KNAVE OF HEARTS.  How do you know?

CROOKED MAN.  Why else would they call a town meeting!

ITSY BITSY.  Maybe Old King Cole is finally going to announce the real winner of the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes!

CROOKED MAN.  Not likely.  Someone must’ve found Mother Goose’s shawl!  And that’s exactly what she wanted. . .

KNAVE OF HEARTS.  I don’t understand.

CROOKED MAN.  (laughing)  Why, that sly old woman!  I bet she dropped it on purpose in order to leave a clue!  This is perfect!  It means we will have to change our plans a bit, but this may work out even better than we had planned.  We will go to that town meeting and pretend to be surprised at their announcement.  During the town meeting, we will leave a ransom note asking for money in a place where it’s sure to be found.  Then, we will exchange the old gal for a small fortune in gold.  Once we get the money, we’ll leave town and publish our own rhymes and put Ma Goose out of business!  Then we will all be rich, successful, and world famous!  (He laughs as other villains join in.)

BLACKOUT

BO BEEP.  As the clock in Town Square approached three o’clock, all of the residents of Mother Goose Land gathered in the Town Square anxiously awaiting the arrival of Old King Cole and his important announcement.

SCENE 7 - TOWN SQUARE OF MOTHER GOOSE LAND

(We see the many residents of Mother Goose Land gathered under an archway labeled “TOWN SQUARE.”  The ROYAL TRUMPETER sounds the arrival of OLD KING COLE, who is accompanied by JACK and JILL.)

ROYAL TRUMPETER.  Hear ye, hear ye!  Announcing his majesty Old King Cole.  (He exits after the KING enters.)

(All bow or curtsy)

OLD KING COLE.  Thank you royal subjects of Mother Goose Land.  Today, we gather here under serious circumstances.  A terrible crime has been committed in our fair land.  To tell you what has happened I will call upon my newly appointed royal detectives, Sir Jack and Lady Jill.

SONG- “MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING/WHERE COULD SHE BE?”

               (SUNG BY JACK AND TOWNSFOLK)

JACK.  (Singing)

MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING!  (Townspeople react in horror)

MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING!

AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE HEARD THE INFORMATION,

YOU ALL MUST START

TO DO YOUR PART

IN HELPING US WITH OUR INVESTIGATION.

MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING!

MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING!

SO HERE IS WHAT WE ALL MUST DO—

WE’VE GOT TO GO

AND SEARCH HIGH AND LOW:

SHE MUST BE FOUND—WE’RE COUNTING ON YOU!

JACK & JILL.

MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING!

MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING!

AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE

HEARD THE INFORMATION,

YOU ALL MUST START

TO DO YOUR PART

IN HELPING US WITH

OUR INVESTIGATION.

MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING!

MOTHER GOOSE IS MISSING!

SO HERE IS WHAT WE

ALL MUST DO–

WE’VE GOT TO GO

AND SEARCH HIGH AND LOW; SHE MUST BE FOUND–

WE’RE COUNTING ON YOU! TOWNSFOLK & KING.

WHERE COULD SHE BE?

WHERE WOULD WE BE

WITHOUT OUR MOST

FAMOUS PERSONALITY?

SALES WOULD GO DOWN

ALL OVER TOWN;

IT WOULD BE A BLOW

TO OUR ECONOMY!

IF WE DON’T GET HER BACK

WE ALL MUST FACE THIS FACT:

HARD LABOR WE NO

LONGER COULD SHIRK!

WHAT LIES AHEAD

IS SOMETHING THAT WE DREAD:

WE WILL HAVE TO

GO TO WORK!

OLD KING COLE.  (Spoken)  To help Jack and Jill in their investigation, I am personally offering a five hundred dollar reward for information which will lead to the safe return of our beloved and most prominent citizen, Mother Goose.  (He exits)

BLACKOUT

BO PEEP.  Jack and Jill had just finished questioning and fingerprinting many of the residents of Mother Goose Land, and were ready to go home since no new information relating to the case was uncovered, when suddenly, Little Boy Blue announced an important discovery.

To Read The Rest, Please Purchase The Script