HOMETOWN SUMMER

by

Vicki Bartholomew

Hometown Summer

Copyright ©2004 by Vicki Bartholomew

All Rights Reserved

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CAST for HOMETOWN SUMMER

R.J. WHITMAN

DIANE WHITMAN

KELSEY WHITMAN

ROBBIE WHITMAN

TASHA WHITMAN

GRANDPA DOUG WHITMAN

GREAT-AUNT VALERIE WHITMAN

COUSIN LAURA WHITMAN

MALORIE WHITMAN

GRANT EVANS

COOKIE EVANS

HAILEY EVANS

KENNY TAYLOR

AMY

BURGLAR (Double cast Kenny)

CAST NOTES

DIANE WHITMAN: the mother

R.J.WHITMAN: the father, happy, nostalgic, energetic

KELSEY: the teenage daughter, 15-16

ROBBIE: the son, unhappy, didn't want to move, 13-14

TASHA: the youngest child, 8

GRANDPA DOUG WHITMAN: the grandfather

GREAT-AUNT VALERIE: R.J.'s aunt, Doug's sister-in-law, 

       distinctive managing voice

LAURA: R.J.'s cousin-in-law. Valerie's daughter-in-law      

MALORIE: Laura's daughter, always dresses up, bossy, 10-11

KENNY: the teenage hunk hired to work in the yard, 16-17

GRANT EVANS: R.J.'s old high school football buddy

COOKIE EVANS: Grant's wife who knew R.J. in high school

HAILEY EVANS: Grant and Cookie's daughter, same age as 

     Robbie, 13-14

AMY: same age as Kelsey, 15-16, on the drill team

BURGLAR: may be doublecast as Kenny

BATON TWIRLER: optional in July 4th scene

CAST BY AGE

SENIORS

  Grandpa

  Valerie

PARENTS

  Diane 

  R.J.

  Cookie

  Grant

  Laura         

TEENS

  Kelsey

  Kenny

  Amy

  Robbie

  Hailey

CHILDREN

  Tasha 

  Malorie

THE SET

     There is one set of a backyard.  The back of the house 

and part of a wooden fence are visible.  There is a climbing 

structure with a platform.  There are at least three exits: 

the backdoor into the house, the garage door, and a gate to 

the alley.  

     The backyard goes through a transition during the play 

from torn up to fixed up.  Suggestions for torn up yard: old 

unmatched lawn furniture tipped over or broken, dead 

branches, trash, picnic bench or boards against wall. 

     Suggestions for new yard: colorful new lawn chair set,  

cart with flowering potted plants, hanging wind tunnel, new 

tire swing hanging from climbing structure, plastic lawn 

animal, potted shrubs or flowers, fountain or statue.

     Special effects: fireworks, fireflies, ting of 

watermelon seeds spit into a pail, campfire.  For info on 

how to build a campfire contact Dramatics, March 1996.ACT I  Scene 1

(The play takes place in a small town in Oklahoma, USA.  The backyard looks abandoned.  It has trash scattered around and old metal lawn chairs turned upside down.  Tasha, Robbie, Kelsey, Diane, and R.J. look around the backyard as the lights come up.)

RJ:  (Satisfied.)  Aaah!  Nothing's changed.

TASHA:  (Tasha runs from one side of yard to other.)  Daddy, look how big this yard is.  It's big enough for a dog.  It's big enough for TWO dogs!

DIANE:  Taasha . . . 

TASHA:  Daddy said I could have a dog when we moved back to 

the States.

DIANE:  R.J.?

RJ:  (He ignores Diane.)  You're right; this is a big yard.  I'd almost forgotten how big Uncle Richard's place was.

TASHA:  I like it!  We've got our own alley.

KELSEY:  (Kelsey looks out over the audience.)  Hey, Dad, didn't you say you used to climb trees in an orchard in back of Uncle Richard's house?

DIANE:  (Points.)  They must have cut them down to make room for that duplex.

RJ:  There's still room to grow corn.  Did I ever tell you that my brother and I used to play hide'n'seek in Uncle Richard's corn field?

KELSEY:  About a hundred times.

DIANE:  (Softly with a smile.)  Shh.

TASHA:  Will you hide in the corn stalks with me, Daddy?

RJ:  Sure, pumpkin.  

DIANE:  Why don't you three go pick out your bedrooms?

TASHA:  (Tasha runs offstage.)  I get the green one!

(Robbie and Kelsey exit to house.)

RJ:  This brings back so many memories.  I wish you could have known Uncle Richard. 

DIANE:  I met him.  Remember?  When we came for Christmas five years ago.

RJ:  I mean when he was younger.  He took my brother Russ and me fishing and hunting and taught us so much about the farm.  He was the best.

DIANE:  You're happy to be back, aren't you?  Not even a tiny bit sad to give up travelling the world?

RJ:  This is the greatest place on earth!  The kids are going to love being back home.  (RJ moves away.)

DIANE:  (Diane whispers to audience.)  Right.  The kids are going to love being back home.  Except they've never lived here.  At least Tasha can play with the animals at her grandpa's farm.  And the kids will adjust.  They always do.  

(Ponders.)  But what about me?  I hardly know these people.  Wonder how they'll like a stranger living in the old family home.  Hope they don't expect me to milk any cows.

RJ:  This is so great!  Nothing's changed!

DIANE:  Lord, I think we're going to need some help here.

ROBBIE:  (Appears at door.)  Dad, the moving truck is here!

(Diane and R.J. exit.)

          (BRIEF BLACKOUT.  LIGHTS UP.)

(Kelsey, Robbie, and Tasha are sitting on the climbing structure.)

TASHA:  How much longer do we have to stay out of the way?

KELSEY:  They've only been unloading for an hour, Tasha.  It's going to take all day.

TASHA:  Geez, all day!  I'm bored.

KELSEY:  Enjoy it while you can.  Tomorrow we'll be unpacking all day.

TASHA:  I like unpacking.  I like crawling in the boxes.  

ROBBIE:  Yeah, you get to play, and we have to work.

KELSEY:  Leave her alone, Robbie.  Just because you're unhappy, you don't have to take it out on her.

TASHA:  I wish we could explore.  (She goes over to fence and looks through a knothole.  She sighs and sits against the gate.)

ROBBIE:  You weren't happy either, Kelsey.  You cried when we got on the plane.

KELSEY:  Sure.  I was sad to leave Miranda and Holly, but it's not like the end of the world.  We move all the time.  And this time we may stay put.

ROBBIE:  Don't count on it.  Dad might think a small town bank is boring. 

KELSEY:  Maybe, but he's really big on this nostalgia bit.

TASHA:  What's nostalgiabit?  It sounds like something Russian.  We're not going to move to Russia are we?

KELSEY:  No.

TASHA:  Good.  I like it here.  

KELSEY:  I do, too.  I can hardly wait to make new friends and go to a real American high school with football games and cheerleaders and a marching band.   

ROBBIE:  Big deal.

KELSEY:  And I can be on the volleyball team.

ROBBIE:  I think Dad's brainwashed you.

KELSEY:  And dances.  Just think; a whole school of American boys.  

ROBBIE:  You're sick.

KELSEY:  Just wait, Robbie Whitman.  All the girls are going to be after you.

ROBBIE:  Geesch!  (Robbie exits.)

KELSEY:  (Kelsey follows Robbie.)

VALERIE:  (Great-Aunt Valerie tries to open the gate.)  Move away from the gate, little girl.

(Tasha jumps open and stares at Great-Aunt Valerie as she enters.)

VALERIE:  (Continuing.)   Hello, you must be Natasha. . . You're not very big, are you? . . . What's the matter, young lady, the cat got your tongue? . . . Well, speak up.  You do speak English, don't you?  I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't after living in all those heathen places.  Well . . . Your mother didn't raise you to be rude, did she?   

TASHA:  No, but I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.

VALERIE:  Strangers!  I'll have you know I changed your father's diapers , little girl.  I'm your Great Aunt Valerie.  Didn't your father ever tell you about me? 

TASHA:  Yes, he told me you were Uncle Fred's boss.

VALERIE:  Did he now?  And what else did he tell you?

TASHA:  That you make the best pecan pie in the world.

VALERIE:  That's more like it.

TASHA:  And that you have a cat collection.  We sent you a big brass cat from Egypt and a Chinese cat from Singapore.  May I see your cats?

VALERIE:  You're a spunky little thing once you get started, aren't you?  Yes, you may see my cat collection. 

TASHA:  Can we go see it now?  I'm bored.

VALERIE:  Real spunky.  You must get it from your mother's side of the family.  I'll show you my cats later.  Right now I've come to help your mother.    I'm very good at organizing.

TASHA:  (Tasha talks as Valerie moves towards the house.)  But Mommy doesn't need any help.  She's moved hundreds of times.  That's why I have to stay in the backyard.  (After Valerie is gone.)  Geez, I never get to have any fun.

          (BLACKOUT.)

ACT I Scene 2

(The family is cleaning up the backyard when Grandpa arrives with Malorie.  They remove trash bags, old lawn furniture, etc.  Bring in new lawn chairs.)  

GRANDPA:  That's what I like to see; the family that works together stays together.

TASHA:  Grandpa!  (Tasha hugs Grandpa.)

DIANE:  Hello, Malorie.

MALORIE:  Good afternoon, Aunt Diane.  Good afternoon, Uncle R.J.

RJ:  How are you doing, Mal?

MALORIE:  I'm very well, Uncle R.J.  And you?

RJ:  Fine.  Here, sit in this chair, Dad.  

TASHA:  Do you want to help us, Malorie?  We're cleaning up the playground.

MALORIE:  No, thank you.  I don't want to get my dress dirty.

TASHA:  Is it new?

MALORIE:  No.

TASHA:  Are you going somewhere? 

MALORIE:  No, I came to visit you.

TASHA:  Heck!  You didn't have to wear a dress to see me.

DIANE:  Natasha!

TASHA:  Sorry. . .  Do you want to see my doll house?  That's all right, isn't it, Mom?

(Tasha and Malorie exit.)

DIANE:  Yes.  Would you like some lemonade, Grandpa Doug?  

(Diane exits.)

GRANDPA:  You've got quite a project here, Son.  I kind of let the place go after Richard passed away.  

RJ:  Don't worry about it, Dad.  Once we get it cleaned up, it'll be great.  Some new lawn furniture.  A barbeque.

(Robbie and then Kelsey exit.)

GRANDPA:  Tasha tells me you're gonna plant corn for hide'n'seek.

RJ:  That's right.  Do you think it's too late for watermelon?

GRANDPA:  The garden is pretty messed up, Son.  Don't you think you’re taking on a lot, what with your new job and all? 

RJ:  The kids will help.

GRANDPA:  What kids is that?  

RJ:  (R.J. looks around.)  Hey, where'd my work crew go?

GRANDPA:  One thing that never changes is kids don't want to do chores.  If you're in a hurry to enjoy this back yard, you'd better hire somebody to help you fix it up.

RJ:  You're right, Pop.  Isn't that what you were doing that time you hired Grant Evans to load hay and Mr. Evans hired me to load hay? 

GRANDPA:  Yep.  We both got good help that summer.  

RJ:  And we got money to chase Patty Sue Wagnall.

DIANE:  (DIANE enters carrying lemonade.)  Who is Patty Sue Wagnall?

RJ:  Just this girl Grant and I both tried to date back in high school.

GRANDPA:  They wasted their money on chocolates and flowers.  Acted like a couple of idiots.

GRANT: (Enters.)  Do I hear my name being taken in vain?

RJ:  Grant!  You son-of-a-gun.  Man, it's been a long time!

GRANT:  And this pretty lady must be Diane.  I'm Grant Evans.  I don't suppose R.J. has ever mentioned me?

DIANE:  Oh, a few times.  Let's see.  There was one story about stealing watermelon.

GRANT:  Only the ripe ones.

DIANE:  And another story about the time the emergency brakes failed and your pickup went in the lake.

GRANT:  Actually it was just a little pond.  And it was my brother's truck.  My brother has no sense of humor.

DIANE:  Oh, yes, and the time you cut off a girl named Cookie's hair. 

GRANT:  No, we set Cookie's hair afire in chemistry class.  She had to have it cut off at the beauty shop.  

DIANE:  Oh, no!  I bet she hated you two.

GRANDPA:  Not Grant.  

RJ:  Cookie was crazy about him.

GRANDPA:  We all thought she was going to get herself killed before he caught on.  He's a mite slow.

GRANT:  Hey!

RJ:  I'll never forget the time he dared her to jump off Carson Bridge.  It's a thirty-foot drop, but the water is only two feet deep most of the time.  

DIANE:  No!

GRANDPA:  Yes!  I was there when she jumped.  It turned my hair white.

RJ:  Grant was only joking, showing off for Patty Sue.  It made Cookie mad, so she jumped.

DIANE:  Was she hurt?

GRANT:  Her jacket got caught, and she was dangling there, screaming, madder than a wet hen.

RJ:  He jokes about it now, but his hair stood on end.  Totally panicked.  And after we got her up on the bridge, Dad hauled off and socked him.

DIANE:  You didn't?

RJ:  Laid Grant out flat.  I didn't know Dad had it in him.

GRANDPA:  Course I did.  Silly fool nearly killed the girl.   

DIANE:  Is this is a true story? 

GRANT:  Yep.  Cookie was kissing me when I came to, and I "saw the light".  I married "the girl".

DIANE:  I think you guys are putting me on.

RJ:  It's true, and Cookie is still crazy about him.  Some things never change.

DIANE:  I don't know.  (Diane raises her eyebrows skeptically and R.J. crosses his heart.)

RJ:  I swear.

          (BLACKOUT.)

ACT I Scene 3

(Kenny is working in the yard.  Laura and Diane are sitting in the backyard.  Malorie is standing near them.)  

LAURA:  Cousin R.J. is sure tickled to be back.

DIANE:  Yeah, tickled pink.

LAURA:  None of us were surprised to see him come back. He's a real hometown boy.  Everyone thought he'd never leave in the first place.

DIANE:  Really?

LAURA:  Of course, we all thought he'd marry Patty Sue Wagnall.

DIANE:  (Matter of factly.)  Did you?

MALORIE:  Who is Patty Sue Wagnall, Mother?

LAURA:  Oh, I'm sorry.  Didn't R.J. tell you about Patty Sue?  Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned her.

DIANE:  That's all right.  R.J. has told me about her.

MALORIE:  Nobody's told me.

DIANE:  Malorie, wouldn't you like to go in and see if Tasha would like to play?

MALORIE:  No, thank you.  I like listening to grownups.

LAURA:  Malorie, go and play with your cousin so that Diane and I can talk.

(Malorie exits reluctantly.)

DIANE:  She's very mature for her age.  I wish I could get Tasha to wear a dress sometimes.

LAURA:  I was like Tasha when I was little.  My mom had trouble getting me to put on a clean pair of shorts, much less a dress.

DIANE:  You've succeeded with Malorie.

LAURA:  Oh, I can't take the credit for the dresses.  They're from my mother-in-law.  Valerie even makes quite a few of them.  

DIANE:  Yes, I seen some of her work.  Aunt Valerie is good.

LAURA:  I used to sew, but it seems pointless when Valerie likes to make things for the kids.  She's so much better at it.

DIANE:  I wish I could sew.  I'm thinking of buying curtains in Tasha's room, but so far I haven't find any I like.

LAURA:  If you pick out the material, I could make them.

DIANE:  Come see her room.

(Laura and Diane exit.  Kenny continues to work.) 

KELSEY:  (Kelsey carrying a tennis racquet enters from the alley.  She notices Kenny.)  Hi!

KENNY:  Hey!

KELSEY:  I'm Kelsey.

KENNY:  I'm Kenny.

KELSEY:  I live here.

KENNY:  (Repeats.)  You live here.  (Understands.)  Oh!  You live here.  Your dad hired me to fix up the backyard.

KELSEY:  So, I'll see you around.  (Kelsey exits backward and then waves before turning to complete her exit.)

KENNY:  Bye!  (He watches Kelsey exit.)

(Carrying a racquet, Robbie enters from the alley and approaches Kenny.  Robbie looks where Kenny is staring but doesn't see anything.)

ROBBIE:  What are you looking at?

KENNY:  Nothing. I was just stretchin'.

ROBBIE:  Dad said to help you after I had my tennis lesson.  What would you like me to do?

KENNY:  Can you help me with this?

ROBBIE:  Sure.  I'll go change.

(Kenny works again, but he notices as Kelsey enters.  Kelsey puts on sunglasses and reads the book she brought out until they make eye contact when she looks up.) 

KELSEY:  That was nice of you, to be interested in Robbie.  This move has been hard on him, giving up his best friend.

KENNY:  What about you?  Did you have a special friend?

KELSEY:  I had two, Holly and Miranda.  We did everything together.  I miss them.

KENNY:  Do you want to go for a coke or something after I get off work.?

KELSEY:  Sounds like fun.

KENNY:  Great!  I'd better get working or your dad will fire me.

KELSEY:  'Kay.  See you later.

(Same exit:  Kelsey exits backward and then waves before turning to complete her exit.  Kenny watches Kelsey leave before he moves again.)   

          (BLACKOUT.)

ACT I Scene 4

(Kenny and R.J. are working in the backyard when a dejected Robbie enters from the alley.  The family is coming back from a fishing trip.)

ROBBIE:  Hi, we're home.

RJ:  Did you have fun?

ROBBIE:  Yeah, sure, fine.

KENNY:  How was the fishing?

ROBBIE:  Okay. 

 (A dejected Robbie exits slowly.)

RJ:  What's wrong with him? 

RJ:   (Continued.)  Hi, Kels?  How was the fishing?

KELSEY:  (Enters.)  It was great!  I caught a bass.

KENNY:  Did you have to throw it back?

KELSEY:  Very funny.  I'll have you know, it was the biggest fish anyone caught.  I wish you could have come.  It was fun.  

KENNY:  You like fishing?

KELSEY:  Except for putting the worm on the hook.

KENNY:  You used worms?

KELSEY:  Grandpa says it's the best bait.

RJ:  Yeah, we used to use worms when I was a kid.

KELSEY:  I thought you said grasshoppers.

RJ:  Those, too.

TASHA:  (Tasha enters.)  Daddy!  Daddy!  Come see the fish I caught!

RJ:  You caught a fish?

TASHA:  I caught nine fishes.

RJ:  Nine fish?

TASHA:  Yep.  Most of them were catfish.  They call them that because they've got whiskers.

RJ:  Do they really?

TASHA:  Grandpa!  Tell Daddy I really did catch NINE FISH!

GRANDPA:  (Grandpa enters and sits down.)  Whew!  I'm not as young as I used to be.

RJ:  It sounds like they had fun.

GRANDPA:  It was a pretty nice day.  Peaceful with a little breeze over the water.  I fell asleep once or twice.  

RJ:  Just like I remember it.

GRANDPA:  The kids were so excited when they caught a fish.  It's too bad Robbie didn't catch one.  It's kind of hard on a boy when all the girls catch more than you do.

RJ:  Maybe I'll take him alone one of these days.

GRANDPA:  You could, but I don't know if his heart's really in it.  One thing I've learned over the years is that kids don't always want to do what their parents want them to do.  (To Tasha)  Sure wish your Grandma could have seen you 

today, pumpkin.

TASHA:  Why, Grandpa?

GRANDPA:  Your grandma could catch more fish than anybody. She would have liked to take you fishin', sittin' under a shade tree and waitin' quiet. . .   

RJ:  I remember how she would fish for hours.

GRANDPA:  She was quite a fisherman.  (Grandpa exits.)    

TASHA:  Why did Grandpa have tears in his eyes?

RJ:  He still misses Grandma, honey.

TASHA:  Do you miss her, Daddy?

RJ:  Of course I do.  Whenever something interesting happened, I used to think, "I've got to write Mama about that."  Then I'd remember she wasn't here anymore.  But Grandpa remembers every time he sees her rocking chair or 

walks in the kitchen and she's not there.

TASHA:  Do you miss her when we go to Grandpa's house?

RJ:  A little.  It makes me sad, and happy.

TASHA:  Cause you have good memories?

RJ:  Out of the mouths of babes.  That's right; I have good memories of Mama. And your Aunt Marilyn looks a lot like Mama did when I was a little kid.

TASHA:  Uncle Fred told me I look just like Aunt Marilyn, the spittin' image.

RJ:  I suppose you do.

TASHA:  Do you s'pose that's why Grandpa likes me so much?  I look like Aunt Marilyn, and Aunt Marilyn looks like Grandma?

RJ:  That and you ask as many questions as Uncle Russ did when he was a boy.

TASHA:  Oh, Daddy.  You're teasing me now.

RJ:  Am not! 

TASHA:  Are, too!

RJ:  Come on; let's clean those fish.

TASHA:  Do I have to ?  Can't Mom do it?

RJ:  You know she likes her fish breaded and frozen.

TASHA:  Yep, she's a city girl.

          (BLACKOUT.)

ACT I Scene 5

(The backyard is now cleaned up.  The girls are in their Sunday dresses.  Valerie and Laura wander into the house.  Malorie is watching Robbie playing on his GameBoy.)  

MALORIE:  I've never had pie for Sunday dinner before.

ROBBIE:  Quiche.

MALORIE:  Grandma Valerie makes apple pies, and blackberry.

ROBBIE:  That's dessert.

MALORIE:  SO, it's pie.

ROBBIE:  There's nothin' to do around here.  

MALORIE:  We could play baseball.

ROBBIE:  I can't play baseball.

MALORIE:  What do you mean?  Everybody can play baseball.  Watch.  See, I pitch it.  (Malorie pretends to pitch and swing.)  And I hit it.  It's a home run!  No, it isn't.  The ball bounces.  The pitcher  catches it and runs to first.  The pitcher slides into first.  She's safe.  (Malorie slides.  She gets up and brushes her dress off.)

LAURA:  (Enters.)  Look at you, Malorie Whitman!  Don't let Valerie see the tear in that dress.  If you are going to play baseball I'd better take you home to change.

(R.J. and Diane enter.)

LAURA:  (Continuing.)  I'm taking Robbie and Malorie over to the school to play ball.

RJ:  Great!  Takes you back, doesn't it?  Some things never change.  Russ and I playing baseball on Sunday afternoons. 

DIANE:  Russ said that you never let him play.

RJ:  Sunday afternoon baseball and chocolate malts at Polly's Ice Cream Parlor.

DIANE:  Polly retired.  It's Raymond's Ice Cream now.  And you said that you always had a root beer float.

RJ:  Patty Sue liked chocolate.

DIANE:  You still remember what flavor ice cream Patty liked? 

RJ:  (Dreamy look.)  She loved chocolate . . . almond roca . . . and those little truffles.

DIANE:  (Facetiously.)  Lovely.

RJ:  And Hershey's kisses.

DIANE:  Hhhmm.

RJ:  I remember it as if it were yesterday.

DIANE:  Some people have LONG memories.

(Tasha runs on stage.)

DIANE:  (Continuing.)  Tasha, there's a bee on your hat.

TASHA:  (Tasha shakes her head to dislodge bee.)  Is it off?

DIANE:  No.  Let me . . . 

TASHA:  (Tasha flips her hat off.  She steps on or kicks the hat and then picks it up.  She holds her arm and cries out.)  OW!

RJ:  I remember when I was bit by a bee on my eyelid . . .

DIANE:  (Diane looks at Tasha's hand.)  Let's put some baking soda on it, Tasha. 

(Tasha walks toward house.)

RJ:  My right eyelid was swollen shut for three days.  It was right before . . .

DIANE:  Can it, R.J.!

RJ:  Tasha, let me do it.  I know all about bee stings.

(Tasha and R.J. exit.)

KELSEY:  (Kelsey enters from alley.)  What's up?

DIANE:  Tasha got stung by a bee.

KELSEY:  Is she all right?  

DIANE:  Yes.  Dad is taking care of her.  It reminded him of when he was bit by a bee.

KELSEY:  Was he really?  Doesn't it seem like anything we do here, he already did?

DIANE:  Anybody could have been bitten by a bee, Kelsey.

KELSEY:  Yeah, and not everything Dad remembers is true.  I mean it could have been Uncle Russ who got bitten.  Dad gets kind of mixed up in his stories.

DIANE:  That's true.  Some of his memories are not quite clear.  (Sighs.)  He seems obsessed about the past.

KELSEY:  Like a disease.

DIANE:  An addiction.

KELSEY:  Yeah, Mom, maybe we can get him in one of those support groups.

DIANE:  A support group for people who move back to their hometowns?  That's funny, Kelsey.

KELSEY:  They could call it "the Peter Pan syndrome" because they won't ever grow up.  

DIANE:  Peter Pan Syndrome.  I like it.

KELSEY:  You sound like Tasha now, "I like it."  She loves this place.

DIANE:  And you don't. (Not a question.)

KELSEY:  It's okay.  

DIANE:  Don't you like having lots of relatives around?

KELSEY:  It's different.  Kind of strange having a bunch of people care about you, even though they hardly know you.  And they can be very nosey.  They walk right into your room.  And they ask personal questions.  I almost died when Great-Aunt Valerie asked me what kind of underwear I liked right in front of everybody.

DIANE:  She wanted to buy you something.

KELSEY:  Underwear?  

DIANE:  It's practical.  Is it truly getting you down, Kelsey?

KELSEY:  Nah, like I said, it's just different.  What really bothers me about this place is that I don't have any friends.

DIANE:  Friends take time.  

KELSEY:  I know, Mom.  But it seems like the girls don't want to talk to me.  I try to dress like everyone else and fit in.  

(Robbie runs onstage out of breath.)  

KELSEY:  (Continuing.)  Who's chasing you?

ROBBIE:  (Robbie takes a couple of deep breaths before answering.)  She said . . .I did it . . . on purpose.  But I . . . thought I couldn't . . . hit it . . . that far.

DIANE:  Robbie, what happened?

ROBBIE:  I broke Mrs. Newton's window.

DIANE:  Mrs. Newton?

ROBBIE:  Cousin Laura's neighbor.  I really didn't think I could hit it that far, Mom.  

DIANE:  You'll have to pay for the window, Robbie.  We'll let your father talk to her.

KELSEY:  Yeah, Robbie, he probably broke her window when he was a kid.

DIANE:  Kelsey!  (Smiles, shaking her head.)

KELSEY:  Well, he thinks he knows everybody in this town.

ROBBIE:  He does!  They're all his old friends. . . I miss my friends.  Why did we have to move here?  (Robbie sits.)

TASHA:  (Tasha skips out holding her arm.)  Uncle Russ took Brandy home 'cause she started crying.  Daddy said she was spoiled.

DIANE:  Not in front of Brandy, I hope.

TASHA:  No, he said it to Uncle Russ.  I wanted to go see their new kittens, but Daddy said I couldn't. . . Uncle Russ said Daddy wouldn't let him play baseball when he was little. . . Mommy, Daddy said he and Uncle Russ weren't fighting.  But when Robbie and I talk that loud, you send us to our rooms. 

KELSEY:  It sounds like his rose-colored glasses are slipping.

TASHA:  Daddy doesn't wear glasses(?).

(Kelsey and Tasha sit beside Robbie, and all three kids sigh.)

RJ:  Here you all are.  Wasn't this great, having the whole family over for Sunday dinner? 

DIANE:  Just great!

RJ:  Takes me back.  (R.J. notices the kids are looking glum.)  Hey, what's up?

DIANE:  Camelot doesn't look so good today.

RJ:  Huh?  Camelot?  How about we go get some ice cream at Polly's Ice Cream Parlor.

ROBBIE:  Raymond's Ice Cream.   

RJ:  Did I ever tell you when I was a kid, we used to walk to Polly's Parlor every Sunday afternoon?

KELSEY:  About a zillion times.

RJ:  We'd play baseball.  Uncle Russ and I were always on the same team.

TASHA:  Uncle Russ said . . .

(Diane shakes her head at Tasha.  Diane stands up and puts her arm through R.J.'s., and they exit with the kids.)

RJ:  Those sunny afternoons, not a cloud in the sky.  You could smell the honeysuckle and freshly cut lawns.

          (BLACKOUT.)

ACT I Scene 6

(Great-Aunt Valerie is sewing.  Grandpa Doug is reading the newspaper.  Laura and Diane are snapping beans.)  

VALERIE:  You're snapping those beans too small, Laura.

KELSEY:  (Kelsey enters wearing a very short skirt.)  Mom, Kenny and I are leaving to go to the movies now.

LAURA:  You look nice, Kelsey.

VALERIE:  Your skirt is too short.  If your father were home, he wouldn't approve, Kelsey.

KELSEY:  (Starting to get steamed.)  My father lets me wear whatever I want.  

DIANE:  (Diane stands up and urges Kelsey to exit.)  Have a good time.

KELSEY:  This is what all my friends wear.

GRANDPA:  Well, this ain't New York City.  

DIANE:  Have a good time, Kelsey.

KELSEY:  Why does everybody always have to criticize my clothes? 

DIANE:  Kenny's waiting, Kels.   We'll see you later.

KELSEY:  (Exits muttering.)  I'm just trying to look like the other kids, so I can make friends.

LAURA:  Poor Kelsey.  It must be hard for a teenager to make friends in a new place.

VALERIE:  Especially if she goes around half-dressed and hangs around with Kenny Taylor.

DIANE:  What about Kenny?

VALERIE:  The last few years I was teaching, I had to stand at the side of the room so I wouldn't see the girls' underwear.  It was disgusting. 

GRANDPA:  I bet Bob Tinker liked it.

VALERIE:  You're a sick old man, Doug Whitman.

GRANDPA:  So is Bob Tinker.

LAURA:  My math teacher?  I didn't know that.  You'd better not tell R.J., Diane.  He was one of R.J.'s favorite teachers.

VALERIE:  The truth never hurt anybody.

GRANDPA:  I don't know about that, but they say not to wake a sleepwalker.  Seems like that boy is in some kind of a trance.

VALERIE:  Trance, my eye!  R.J.'s just happy to be home.  Some people don't appreciate what a fine town this is.

GRANDPA:  A real paradise.

DIANE:  Come on, Laura.  Let's take the beans inside and you can tell me what's wrong with Kenny Taylor.

(Diane and Laura gather up beans and Laura exits first.)

VALERIE:  There's nothing wrong with Kenny.

DIANE:  But you said . . . 

VALERIE:  It's not him.  It's Stacy Hogan.

DIANE:  Who is Stacy Hogan?

VALERIE:  The girl Kenny has been sweet on for the past two years.  Her friends think Kelsey is trying to steal him.

DIANE:  He's going steady with this Stacy?

GRANDPA:  Yep.

DIANE:  Oh, no!

GRANDPA:  Yep.

DIANE:  I suppose someone should tell Kelsey?

GRANDPA:  Yep.

DIANE:  Maybe R.J.?

GRANDPA:  The boy's in a trance.

DIANE:  Me?

GRANDPA:  Yep.

DIANE:  I hate to interfere.

VALERIE:  That might be best.

GRANDPA:  Do you need any more jars, Diane?  I've still got some of Mama's in the cellar.

DIANE:  I've got plenty.  People have been very generous.

VALERIE:  They're trying to make a farmer's wife out of you.

DIANE:  The thought of R.J. as the farmer boggles the mind.  

(Diane exits.)

GRANDPA:  I don't know why she says that; R.J. would have made a good farmer.  

VALERIE:  Take off the rose-colored glasses, Doug.  The pair R.J.'s wearing are big enough for the whole town.  That boy is no farmer.

GRANDPA:  Rose-colored glasses?  He is kind of getting a kick out of being back home.

VALERIE:  Speaking of coming home, I hear Alma's grandson graduated from college and is coming to work for the stationery.

GRANDPA:  Did he major in business?

VALERIE:  No, medieval history.

GRANDPA:  Medieval history?  That should be helpful at the stationers.

VALERIE:  Brenda's been helping out with Sally's new twins.  One of them has red hair. 

GRANDPA:  Red?

VALERIE:  Harvey Denmore bought a new red Porsche.

GRANDPA:  Where'd he get the money for that?  

VALERIE:  He sold his late wife's jewelry.  . . Tom bought Loralee a gold locket for their tenth anniversary.  They're going to Hawaii for two weeks.

GRANDPA:  Hawaii, huh?

VALERIE:  The Edy's were going to Hawaii, but went to Mexico City instead.  They bought some artwork for Camelia to sell in her new store.

GRANDPA:  What new store?

VALERIE:  Oh, didn't I tell you about her new art store?

GRANDPA:  No. What happened to her old store?

VALERIE:  She sold it to Hank on Wednesday.

GRANDPA:  Hank Jackson?  I declare you're better than a newspaper, Valerie Whitman.  The Whitman Express.

VALERIE:  Well, I taught in this town for forty years. I not only know every man, woman, and child in this town; but every dog, too.  And every September for forty years, I knew what every one of them did last summer. . . And I can tell you, it's a good thing I'm discreet!

GRANDPA:  This sounds interesting.  What have you been holding out on me, Val?

VALERIE:  My lips are sealed.

GRANDPA:  Come on, spill the beans.

VALERIE:  I told you; my lips are sealed.

GRANDPA:  Come on, sister-in-law.  It's all in the family.

VALERIE:  All in the family, my eye!  Anything I tell you goes straight to the barber shop.

GRANDPA:  You know, I've been wondering for years who sent Lucas Baines flowers that weekend his wife went to her sister's. . . I don't recollect seeing Alma that weekend.

VALERIE:  What an idea!  Alma is a good God-fearing woman!

GRANDPA:  Didn't Alma have a thing for Lucas before he got married?

VALERIE:  That was a long time ago. 

GRANDPA:  Alma always goes into Baines Hardware Store at least once a week.  The last time I saw her there she said that she was buying glue.  You can get glue just about anywhere. . . And Alma loves flowers.  She's got the biggest 

garden in town.

VALERIE:  The Widow Baker!  It was the Widow Baker!   

(Grandpa exits hurriedly.)

DIANE:  (Diane enters wearing an apron and wiping her hands.)  Where is he going to in such a hurry?

VALERIE:  I think he has to get a haircut. . . .  I don't know where people get the idea that men don't gossip.

DIANE:  (Fans herself.)  The kitchen is so hot.

VALERIE:  Is your canning all done?

DIANE:  Yes.

VALERIE:  Maybe I'd better check.  Sometimes Laura doesn't fill the jars enough.  (Valerie exits to house.)

DIANE:  Poor Laura.  Her mother-in-law is a perfectionist.  It must come from living in a small town where everyone knows everything about you and expects you to be the perfect wife and mother. . . I'll never fit in.

          (BLACKOUT.)

ACT I Scene 7

(R.J. is working in the backyard when Robbie, Hailey and Cookie enter from the house.)

ROBBIE:  Dad, you've got a visitor!

COOKIE:  Howdy, Stranger!

RJ:  Cookie!

ROBBIE:  Can I show Hailey my computer?

RJ:  This is little Hailey?  You were bald the last time I saw you.

ROBBIE:  Dad!

HAILEY:  It's all right.  My parents say stuff like that all the time. 

(Robbie and Hailey exit.)

RJ:  You look great!

COOKIE:  Be careful with your flattery, R.J. Whitman!  In high school, every time you and Grant gave me a compliment, I ended up doing something I was sorry for.

RJ:  We weren't that bad.

COOKIE:  Right!  Then how come I spent half of my Junior year grounded and locked in my bedroom.

RJ:  Beats me.

(Neither notices Diane pausing at fence.)

COOKIE:  Oh, you!  Gosh I've missed you.  (Cookie puts her hands on R.J.'s face and kisses him.)  Is your wife around?  I've never met her.

RJ:  I'll get her.  (Starts off and turns back.)  You sure are a sight for sore eyes.  (Takes a step toward Cookie without noticing Diane has entered from the alley.)  If I didn't have manure on my hands, I'd give you a big hug!

COOKIE:  Don't you dare!

RJ:  (Exits to house shouting.)  Diane!  Hey, Diane, guess who's here?

(Diane stands against the fence, staring at Cookie, until Cookie notices her.  Diane is aloof, and Cookie is smiling and friendly.)

COOKIE:  Hello.  You must be Diane.  I'm a friend of R.J.'s.

DIANE:  Yes, he's talked about you.

COOKIE:  From the look on your face, it couldn't be good. 

DIANE:  On the contrary, it was all good.

COOKIE:  Well, don't believe everything those two say. Grant and R.J. were the ringleaders, not me.

DIANE:  Other people have spoken of you, too.  (She finally moves away from fence.)  Did you find R.J. changed?  

COOKIE:   Not at all.  In fact, he looks even better than he did in high school.

DIANE:  Is that so?  

(Pause as they look for something to say.)

COOKIE:  How are you liking R.J.'s hometown?  The people are pretty friendly, aren't they?

DIANE:  Some of them are a little too friendly.

COOKIE:  Oh...

RJ:  (Enters.)  Diane, there you are.   I see you two have already met.  Isn't this great!

DIANE:  Just fabulous.

RJ:  Would you like a Coke or something?  

DIANE:  Let me do it.  You two OLD friends can talk.  I'll make some iced tea.

COOKIE:  (Eyes Diane warily.)  Thanks, but I'd better be getting along.  I only stopped by for a moment.

RJ:  Then stop right there in that chair.  I want you two ladies to get to know each other.  We've got all kinds of plans.

DIANE:  Do you really?

COOKIE:  No, R.J., truly, I've got to run.

RJ:  Sit, Cookie.  

COOKIE:  Okay, okay, I'm sitting.

RJ:  One glass of my special blend tea.  You've got time for that.  (He exits.)

DIANE:  Cookie?  You're Cookie?  

COOKIE:  Yes. 

DIANE:  Grant's wife, Cookie?  

COOKIE:  Uh huh.

DIANE:  I've been wanting to meet you.  R.J. talks about you and Grant all the time.

COOKIE:  I don't get it.  Why the sudden happy face?

DIANE:  This is so embarrassing.  I thought you were someone else.

COOKIE:  Someone else?  Like who?

DIANE:  Patty?

COOKIE:  Patty, who?

DIANE:  I can't remember, but R.J. used to date her in high school.  Every time he mentions her, he gets this ga-ga look on his face.

COOKIE:  Ga-ga?

DIANE:  Yeah, ga-ga. . . Patty Warner . ..  Patty Wagner.

COOKIE:  Patty Murphy!?

DIANE:  No, that's not the name.

COOKIE:  It is now.  She married Tim Murphy.  He's a bank loan officer.  You don't have to worry about Patty.

DIANE:  Please, tell me that she's fat and bald. 

COOKIE:  No such luck.  She's absolutely stunning.

DIANE:  She's turned into a shrew?

COOKIE:  She's beautiful inside and out.

DIANE:  I'm doomed.

COOKIE:  (Laughs.)  You're not the jealous type, are you?  

DIANE:  Not until I moved here.  This place seems to have some kind of spell on R.J.  He's trying to relive his youth.

COOKIE:  Listen, she's very happily married.  And Tim IS the jealous type. He bought her the beauty salon, so she wouldn't have to work in an office with other men.

DIANE:  Is Tim big?

COOKIE:  Yes, a big strong he-man type.  He'd wipe the floor with R.J.

DIANE:  I like the sound of this guy.  Tim and I are going to be VERY good friends.

RJ:  (Enters with drinks.)  Tim who? 

COOKIE:  Murphy.  You remember him, don't you?  Tall, blond football player?  

DIANE:  Great buns?

COOKIE:  Oh, yeah.

RJ:  Tim Murphy, huh.  I'm jealous.

COOKIE:   (Aside.)  You're not alone.

RJ:  What?

DIANE:  We should have Cookie and Grant over for a barbeque.  How about Saturday?

COOKIE:  Sounds good to me.  (Lifts her glass of tea in a toast.)  To friendship.

RJ and DIANE:  To friendship.

RJ:  Some things never change.

COOKIE:  Right.

          (BLACKOUT.)

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