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The Godmother I-101

Godmother Re-orients her troops with Training on Sensitivity, Fashions for Men and Gals along with good Diverse Community Relations or Else!

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The Godmother I-101

A short thirty-minute comedy on what might happen if the kinder, gentler gender took over the mob and wanted to do classes.

Author:    Nick Conti


A short thirty-minute comedy on what might happen if the kinder, gentler gender took over the mob and decided they needed some classes.

The Godmother I-101

The Godmother I — 101


Nicholas Conti


 Copyright 2003

by Nicholas Conti

All Rights Reserved

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that THE GODMOTHER I — 101 is subject to a royalty.  It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, the British Commonwealth, including Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union.  All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, and the rights of translation into foreign language are strictly reserved. 

The amateur live stage performance rights to THE GODMOTHER I — 101 are controlled exclusively by Drama Source and royalty arrangements and licenses must be secured well in advance of presentation.  PLEASE NOTE that amateur royalty fees are set upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances.  When applying for a royalty quotation and license please give us the number of performances intended and dates of production.  Royalties are payable one week before the opening performance of the play to Drama Source Co., 1588 E. 361 N., St. Anthony, Idaho 83445, unless other arrangements are made. 

Royalty of the required amount must be paid whether the play is presented for charity or gain, and whether or not admission is charged.  For all other rights than those stipulated above, apply to Drama Source Company, 1588 E. 361 N. St. Anthony, Idaho 83445.

Copying from this book in whole or in part is strictly forbidden by law, and the right of performance is not transferable.

Whenever the play is produced, the following notice must appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the play, “Produced by special arrangement with Drama Source Co.”

Due authorship credit must be given on all programs, printing and advertising for the play.

No one shall commit or authorize any act or omission by which the copyright or the rights to copyright of this play may be impaired.

No one shall make changes in this play for the purpose of production without written permission.

Publication of this play does not imply availability for performance.  Both amateurs and professionals considering a production are strongly advised in their own interests to apply to Drama Source Company for written permission before starting rehearsals, advertising, or booking a theatre.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means, now known or yet to be invented, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, videotaping or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  Cast of characters

The Godmother—Gabriel ‘Gabby’ Bruno  Head Capo [Boss] Rough woman with Heart…40-60 

Henrietta ‘the Sage’ Bianco Mob Consiglieri [adviser], woman 30-50

Sally ‘the Figure’ Principessa Gabby’s niece & voluptuous designer, Capo [Boss] 20-40.

Jenny ‘Wiggles’ Ex-lady of the evening but now Harry’s Sweetheart. Now a soldier in the new Regime 20-40.

Harry ‘the Wasp’ Loyal member of the gang but happier. when things were done differently. 30-55

‘Big Rose’ Grande Godmother’s enforcer, strong, course, funny ex-wrestler, overweight with big arms. Jerry the Twisters girlfriend, 35-55

Jerry ‘the Twister’ Tough-old-school-mob-Capo [mob officer], male 40-60

Tony ‘the Mouth’ Young, ambitious mobster; a loud talker bragger, alarmist. 18-20’s 

Carl ‘the Cavalier Soldier in Mafia ranks, good looking and a Dandy , ladies man, forces himself on Women. [30-50]

The Godmother I—101


The Godmother’s office at mob headquarters “”The Club House,”” Mulberry St., NYC.



The present… Summer


 “The Club House,”” a private 3 story brick building on Mulberry St, on the lower East side of Manhattan. Downstairs is devoted to office space, this is the office of the Godmother I. The first of her kind and with a different philosophy from the old mob rule. The office is decorated in early Italian Pizzerian [restaurant] era style with phony marble, palm plants, and a mural of Southern Italy on the wall. Large desk occupies the center of the room with multiple chairs around as if she holds many organizational meetings [she does]. There is a large clothing rack USC that is to be used in a Mafia Fashion show later on. It contains Fashionable jackets in mature [on left] & younger style & sizes [on right ], a hat rack with stylish hats for the men and ladies and a small table with inexpensive jewelry. Both the table & Rack are kept covered until the Fashion Show.  The play uses a simple One Unit Set of the office. Entrance: DSR in 1. 

At Rise: The Godmother reigns forth behind her desk. An organizational meeting is about to take place, there is an air of expectancy. The members gradually file in and seat themselves as they greet the Godmother and each other. [First to enter is the Consiglieri Henrietta [adviser] she enters with Sally the Figure Principessa from D.R. in 1. They are talking up a storm]. 

Henrietta [The Sage]:  So you look great, as usual Sally.  You still working out at the gym, kick boxing or what? 

Sally [The Figure Principessa]:  All of the above; a girl has to keep her figure Henrietta, you’re lookin pretty good yourself. 

Henrietta:  No kick boxin’ for me just a treadmill and the bike, as I watch my soaps, that’s all.  Well hello! Gabby how are you? I haven’t seen you since our last meeting. When was it Sally? 

Sally:  [Facetiously]. Wasn’t it just yesterday? So hello again Godmother, my beloved aunt. I missed seeing you in the last twenty four hours. 


Sally & Henrietta:  [Both sit down, Henrietta at Gabby’s right (she’s her right hand) and Sally sits to the right of Henrietta]. 


Godmother:  Hello yourselves and yes it was yesterday. This matter came up suddenly and we have got to come up with a solution or we’re going to lose ground to the old ways of the organization, then what.


[Before they can respond Jerry the twister and Big Rose saunter in both have an attitude of being grand, almost a swagger [they’re both big people, overweight but strong, muscular maybe. They sit down Jerry to the left of Gabby then Rose to his left]. 


Jerry [The Twister]:  How are you Godmother? Youse look really good it must be all that Chinese food you’re eatin’. 


Godmother:  You’re joking right. I favor only Italian food. Besides we have to promote our own cuisine so our brethren prosper with their nice little Italian restaurants. We got Northern Italian, Central Italian, Southern Italian who needs any other kind of food. 


Jerry:  We do Godmother, me and Rose love our Chinese. Funny thing though the guy that runs the joint is named… You won’t believe dis because he tells me [imitates chinese] “”I buy this place from Italian man, his name was Luigi so I call place Luigi’s and me too.” 


Godmother:  I told you call me Gabby, Gabby! With as long as you know me, you still call me that! We go so far back the two of us; I think we came over on the Santa Maria with Columbus. Your grandmother knew my grandmother etc, etc. But I Bet you she never knew no Chinese Luigi!


Rose [Big]:  [They’re old friends]. I’ll make up for him. Gabby! There now! How are you since yesterday? This better be important, it’s keepin’ Jerry and me from watchin’ wrestling. Our two favorites are on tonight. Rip the Ripper and Stretch the Stretcher. 


Jerry:  You can tell what these guys do to dere opponents Ha!


Godmother:  What imaginative names! Well I am sorry about the wrestling but maybe you two should watch the PBS Channel; perhaps, just perhaps you might gain some class and learn something about the world. Get some culture! But this meeting is more important than wrestling or anything else. And I am the Godmother!

Rose:  Yes we know! What happened to Gabby? 


Godmother:  Stop bustin’ my chops, [friendly/emphatic], you’ll see how important this meeting is in a couple of minutes. And besides we have some very important business to discuss before our special guests, our problem, so to speak, arrives at noon! Now then we’re all here, so Consigliere Henrietta the Sage Please take over!


Henrietta:  Now please [Stands, gestures to Sally to cover the flower vase, with a hat & Jerry to put a hat, kept for this purpose over the camera bug on the wall]. We have convened this special meeting for many reasons. But first of all let’s thank Sally and Jerry for putting the lid, on the Bugs the FBI so gratuitously placed here the other night when they thought we weren’t looking.  When in reality we had our own surveillance cameras filming their shenanigans.[ Points to them]. 


ALL:  Bravo! [Applaud and shout] .[Jerry & Sally take bows] 

Henrietta:  The key to this meeting then is to educate our employee’s in the many aspects of Business, first, and Daily Living which is a close runner up and to mention again the courses we will be giving to our membership right here in the Clubhouse. 


Godmother:  Can we hear the minutes from the last meeting, as we usually start off with!


Henrietta:  Begging your pardon Gabby but remember we voted no more minutes. This way if the Law ever got our minutes, even though we are totally, sort of, honest  now! They might use it against us. So we destroyed all old minutes and decided we wouldn’t write down any new ones. 

Godmother:  Of course! I should have remembered. Well you have this Iron clad memory Henrietta so therefor would you please sum up to the best of your ability, which is a lot, and tell us the  minutes from the last couple of meetings. 


Henrietta:  Well the Godmother has graciously put together a planned curriculum with Jerry’s, Sally’s and my help .Gabby at this point instead of me trying to recreate the gist of that meeting why don’t we ask Jerry to give us his plan for Money Laundering. Seeing as that’s his arena of expertise. So Jerry what do you have in store for our troops? [Sits]. . 


Jerry:  [Stands, the showman ]. Well what we had in mind was to give these here courses on Monday and Wednesday evenings so as not to interfere with choir night, Bingo, and of course wrestling.  That being said; I am offering, my time and services in my own little discipline [smiles at his choice of words], Money Laundering. Which in the new regime I have become very adept at,  and I wish to convey my knowledge in all the latest methods of the laundering process. And the multifarious clean businesses out there one may put one’s money into. 


Rose:  Jerry cut the twenty five cent words!  I didn’t bring my dictionary.  Speak English so we can all understand, all right!


Jerry:  Rose you’re de-railin’ my choo choo here Just for that I may just add another course to the curriculum “”Use of the Dictionary, a Students Friend.”” Now then some excellent examples are: A nice little flower shop, dry Cleaners, boutique, launderette, restaurants and taking it a step further there is dumpster and garbage pickup. The list is as long as my arm. And don’t forget a taxi service! Remembering that you serve the community by providing transportation to the underprivileged. As long as they can pay of course! We are calling the course Cleansing 101. And as Capo, I will see to it all my Lieutenants, soldiers, both  male and female get the word about mandatory attendance or else! [Sits]. 


Henrietta:  [Stands] And I just want to talk about Computers 101 here. And the indoctrination of our employees into the wonderful world of computers, lap tops, those palm things. Including the care and use of cell phones; so the FBI or Police can’t tune in; which will enable us to double our business, using our own special code system.  Even though we are above board nowadays.  Please get the word out! We’ll provide the equipment for the course, all in an endeavor to run a cleaner tighter ship. 


Godmother:  And here is some exciting news: We are truly going High Tech with our own Web site, and Email address.  A News Letter which will contain info on current Events, exciting things concerning our History, Fashion News about our latest style trends. Intra-mural gang softball series, bowling tourneys, picnics and barbecues. All good stuff. But of course nothing crooked so the police don’t get the wrong idea. 


Jerry:  What are we gonna call the new web site WWW. Money Laundering.Com? Ha,Ha,Ha [He thinks he’s funny]. 


Henrietta:  [Straight faced]. Excellent idea. We’ll work on it Jerry! And also in our plans; if all goes well in a few months, we are going to open our own Computer supply shop in the neighborhood.  Please tell all your friends. Gabby please you take over. We’re doin’ so well we don’t really need any minutes. Thank you [Sits]. 


Godmother:  Alright Big Rose you have something to add about your favorite discipline, Sensitivity in the work place and the care and rearing of children and image. I Believe. 


Rose:  [Rises to the occasion]. We are calling this course Sensitivity 101.  And it is not just for the testosterone driven males but for our female Soldiers also I being an important lieutenant and Gabby’s enforcer have been given this great honor and of course because of my vast experience in such matters, life being such a great teacher.  We’ll cover proper behavior in the family environment. The favorable use of fireworks in building community spirit and good will in the neighborhood towards us. Always making known who provides the free fireworks. And we naturally will talk about weight gain, loss and proper exercise. 


Godmother:  [Jumps up says with feeling]. Allow me Rosey to interject a word or two here about something which has been bothering me lately. Which I can’t help noticing with our [hour] members is: I sometimes will notice, not everybody mind you, notice the troops sittin’ around drinkin’ the rich Demi Tasse with anisette, eatin’ those great but fattening cannoli pastries, smokin’ up a storm, and sitting on their duffs when they should be lean and mean and trying to break the smoking habit. [sits] And by the way Rose is celebrating her tenth anniversary in my employ; and as my friend too, and is here by dispensed with the need to lose even an ounce of flesh and that goes for Jerry too!


All:  [Stand and applaud, whistle, speak out]. Way to go Rose! Yay! Rose etc. 


Rose:  Sit down everybody before I knock ya down [everyone sits & laughs]. Gabby what can I say, you sure got a way wit the words. Thanks for the Papal dissipation [dispensation] and the nice things youse said, you’ll get your reward in heaven but I hope not too soon. Ok, what I want to make plain is we need to teach our guys to share in the household chores like watching the kids so we girls can go to important functions like shopping and shopping and shopping. [Only women laugh] Seriously though the girls need a night out. And for the ladies get into the sports like me and Jerry do. Don’t be afraid to share the sports wit your guys, show an interest in the hockey, the baseball, the football maybe a little wrestling etc. 


Sally:  Yes even though, Rosey, I don’t care for the football, the hockey, the baseball etc., I bond with my boyfriend and we watch the games Then, in the intermissions, or commercials. He gives me his 100 percent attention and shares my thoughts on how he should dress to look good on all occasions. 

Rose:  Very nice way to handle it Princess.  Now I would like to make a very important point here which is; you gotta make it clear in this day of women’s lib, the glass ceiling shattering and all that there. That we girls have got to make our men feel like men and show our best side to them.


Jerry:  [Yells out]. All your sides are your best!


Rose:  Thank you Jerry I appreciate your enthusiasm. But leave us be serious here.

Jerry:  I wuz!


Rose:  OK! Ok! Thanks, but Getting back to the subject at hand we must allow romance its due time in our busy work week. And even though we’re tired and come home wit headaches [ALL agree], frequently.  The thing to do is have a nice meal, jump in the shower, get comfortable by putting on something enticing. Have a glass of wine, it’s good for the heart.  Now the stage is set, so be romantic with the guy.  It will help your life and relationship. But more on that in my course, Sensitivity 101 on Monday. Class schedules will be available later in the week.

Godmother:  [Stands].So get the word out about the classes! And before I forget, lets talk car economizing here soz you can save on insurance, gas etc.  The word from the Godmother is downsize! downsize! downsize! No more do we need the big caddies with the large trunks because we aren’t in the undertaker business no more. Whacking being prohibited according to my new by laws. 

Jerry:  And your inlaws too ha, ha , ha, [Silence, nobody reacts]. Some of which I wouldn’t mind putting in my nice big trunk.

Godmother:  [Then she breaks out in hysterical, delayed laughter]. Jerry you crack me up You’re my own little Don Rickles, a treasure Always good for a laugh.

Jerry:  Hey Gabby if we already have Caddies or town cars can we keep’em?


Godmother:  Sure Jerr’ we don’t want to create no financial hardship on old established members.  But I will expect your next car to be econo-classed, Ok!


Tony [the Mouth]:  [Rushes in ]. Godmother, Godmother, there’s cops across the Street staring at our Establishment.

Godmother:  So Tony my child how old are you?

Tony:  I just turned twenty one.

Godmother:  Well at least you’re voting age. What are you worried about, what can they see, bricks and mortar that’s all and if they broke in here what would they see nothing, that’s what they would see. What would they hear, us talk about, sensitivity.  If we were anymore innocent we’d be a ladies bake club. So Tony they call you the Mouth because when you get excited you talk a lot. I can see why.  Try to be cool!

Tony:  It’s hard for me to be cool, begging your pardon Godmother.  Because those cops are taking notes and even some pictures. 


Godmother:  As long as we’re not in the pictures, who cares, let them shoot away.

Henrietta:  Yes as long as it’s only film and not bullets! [laughs].

Godmother:  Tony my son what did these nice young gentlemen in blue look like?


Tony:  Well one was about 5’10”, built sturdy but he had a problem focusing the camera  I noticed, because he was a little cross eyed. And when one eye looked this way  [demonstrates] the other eye was lookin’ that way.

Godmother:  That’s my second cousin Joey, a nice kid but not too bright and the other?


Tony:  He kinda looked like Clint Eastwood.  And I swear he was tryin’ to make it with Anna across the street there.  He kept sayin’ what sounded like go out with me and make my day!


Jerry:  [Stands, proclaims]. That’s that Irish kid used to hang out wit my nephew. They nick-named him, make my day O’Day! Useless as a mackerel in the hot sun!  Wit those two on the job; we got nuttin to worry about. 

Godmother:  Tony instead of going back on the street to protect us why don’t you join our little meeting. I think Sally the Figure Principessa has some fashion modeling she wants us all to participate in and we can use a nice well built young man like yourself to model clothes that our younger, and no offense meant, more in shape members will be wearing.  Not to worry we’ll be quite safe from the Law. Sally take over!

Sally:  Now hold on to your hats! [rises].While I give you a rundown on Fashion 101for all our Mafia members. [Grandly] Godmother give them just a taste of the surprise! If you please!

  [Sally crosses USR to covered clothes rack].


Godmother:  [She stands]. The big surprise in store for you in this fashion show is Sally’s idea And what a good idea it is! Sally uncover please the fashion clothes rack and let everybody just feast their eyes on what’s in store for the organization. [Sally uncovers rack. Ooohs and ahs from the women. Jerry &Tony are stone faced]. 

Sally:  All right now what I would like us all to do is try on the new clothes line I personally designed for us. Model them when I call you up. Tony the Mouth if you would please help out by coming up to the Surprise Clothes Rack where everyone will find their sizes and ideal clothes types. Elegant mature sizes on the left and trim sizes on the right which Tony will model for us from the young male line of clothes. And I will do my best to model the svelte line for our younger, trimmer, no offense to anybody, women. 

Tony:  I don’t want to hurt your feelins but I ain’t no male model type, though my girlfriend says I could be. Hey, I’m like too [some attitude here] macho. I have that there Machismo thing, you know!


Sally:  That’s exactly why we need you to do this. Please Mr. Machismo do your thing!


Tony:  Well Since you put it like that sure! [Crosses up to rack.  Immediately goes to the smart black leather jacket and leather hat, puts them on and proceeds to model them round the room like a self conscious male model]. 

All:  [Applaud & Ad lib]. 

Tony:  [Tony embarrassed crosses back to rack puts clothes back, sits]

Sally:  Jerry and Rose your turn to be glamorous. Please come on up and do your thing. And don’t be afraid to model for the folks. [They hop up, cross to rack, start trying on clothes, on left.] Tony while they are trying on their new fashions; thank you for doing your bit.  You are still a macho kinda guy and look great in leather. 

Tony:  [Stands] Thanks Sally, no problem. Hey! and I like the leather. Yeah! [Sits, looks around with pride].


Sally:  Are you two fashion plates ready?


Jerry & Rose:  Ready. [Use jackets and hats for quick change]. 

Sally:  Jerry and Rose the Runway please.!

[They both cavort down a pretend runway, smiling with a model’s attitude].

All:  [Tumultuous applause, ad libs]

Jerry & Rose:  [They work their way back to rack and change].

Sally:  As they are changing. I will ask the Godmother and Henrietta to perambulate down the imaginary Runway here at Mulberry street. [Jerry & Rose cross & sit]. Please step up Ladies [both move quickly to rack, find their clothes which are pre-labeled, just jackets, hats, costume jewelry. Dress in a flash and strut down the aisle in style].

Jerry:  [In the Miss America style, jumps up with pretend Mic. and sings ]. There she is it’s the Godmother, ain’t she Sweet what a doll On Her right is her brainiest, her zani-ist, what a Moll.  Hey ain’t we lucky all of us, to have such Joy and unending Haaap-pii-nuuus! 

All:  [Applause, Ad libs!]

Jerry:  [Bows, acknowledges and sits ].

Sally:  Thank you Jerry! That was obviously unrehearsed and spontaneous. And now the ladies are back to the rack. Nod Gabby & Henrietta if you liked just a sampling of what our new fashion line will be 

[They nod vigorously as they put their clothes back. They cross and sit].

Rose:  [Jumps up]. Now Principessa, Sally, come on let’s see what you designed for the young set the ones wit da figures that know their bounds as opposed to us voluptuous types whose figures know no bounds.  Ha, Ha, Ha!


Sally:  Well if I must. [Goes to rack quickly puts on a [fake or] fur jacket, ties a colorful  bandanna around her neck. Then struts down the imagined runway like the pro, she was, then crosses back to rack].

Jerry:  How about that Slinky stuff are youse gonna try that on?


Rose:  [Rushes over to clout him but the Godmother gestures her back to her seat]. Hey what kinda talk is that for a guy like you in a relationship wit a sweet girl like me huh?

Jerry:  I wuz just havin’ some fun.

Henrietta:  Yeah he was just having some fun!

Godmother:  You know he’s a clown but a darn good Capo.

Rose:  Yeah I know. I just love the Lug!


All:  AaaaH! ..[Facetiously]!

Sally:  [Takes a flimsy night gown and holds it up to her]. Girls the guys are going to love these getups.

All:  Ooohs! And Aaahs! [Ad libs].

Sally:  [Puts it back, takes another, holds it up to her]. And this number, well they’re all available in the Principessa l

The Godmother I-101

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