Will You Marry Me

Will You Marry Me?

A Comedy In one act

By 

Deborah A. Hodge

Will You Marry Me

 Copyright 2009

by Deborah A. Hodge

All Rights Reserved

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Characters

Alexandra Simpson is a young, attractive woman in her mid twenties, who works as a software designer for Compuware. She is devoted to her career. She is so devoted in fact that she has failed to pursue a personal life. After a disastrous engagement to Duncan McMasters, she dated no one until she briefly became involved with a co-worker named Ethan Harper, but that relationship ended when she caught him with J.J., her cousin.

Janis (“J.J.”) Jamison is a young, attractive professional in her mid-twenties, who works for Procter and Jones Advertizing Agency. However, unlike Alex, she has pursued a career and a personal life. She is a party girl, who has dated many men, but none whom she had considered seriously as a husband, until she began dating Ethan. When Ethan fell in love with Alex, J.J. purposefully wrecked their relationship.

Ethan Harper is a young professional in his late twenties and works with Alex. He is good looking, charming, and very much in love with Alex. He has been working hard to try to convince Alex that J.J. means nothing to him.  However, Alex refuses to believe him.

Lacy Stannic is a co-worker of Alex and Ethan and has been Alex’s best friend since second grade. She is in her mid-twenties and is very attractive.

Beth Collins is J.J.’s best friend and co-worker. She is in her mid twenties and is very attractive.

Emily Jackson is a beautiful young woman in her mid-twenties. She is Ethan Harper’s online dating match through eCouples.com. She is extremely jealous of Alex and Ethan.

Daniel Stanton is a co-worker of Alex, Lacy and Ethan’s. He is also Ethan’s good friend. He is in his late twenties. He is average looking and is attracted to Lacy, but Lacy is not attracted to him.

Duncan McMasters is Alex’s good looking, charming, “snake in the grass”, ex-fiancée. He becomes an employee at Procter and Jones, the company where J.J. works.

Trish is a young woman in her twenties who is Alex’s secretary/assistant and a friend and neighbor of Beth Collins.

Mr. (Ms.) Jones is an interchangeable part. Jones is J.J.’s boss and can be a man or a woman. Jones is probably a person in the late 40’s to early 50’s.

Drew (Dana) is an interchangeable part.  Drew (Dana) is Alex, Ethan, Lacy and Daniel’s boss and can be either a man or woman, who is probably in the later 40’s to early 50’s.

Ross is an executive in his mid thirties. He is a womanizer and Ethan is trying to win his account for CompuServe.

Tommy Turner is a good-looking jeweler in his thirties. He is one of J.J.’s generous suitors and a perspective husband.

Billy Bob Stewart is a not so good-looking, uneducated, “good old boy” farmer in his late twenties. He was a match for Alex on eCouples.com.

Clark Kent is a clean cut, good looking, “All American boy” in his late twenties. He is also a match for Alex on eCouples.com. He looks normal, but he is not. He thinks he is Superman.

Crawford Standish is between seventy-five and eight years old. He has placed his profile on eCouples.com and a  picture of himself when he was about forty. Although he has been married for sixty years, he decides to look for a younger woman. He becomes an eCouples.com match for Alex.

Margie Standish is Crawford’s wife of sixty years. She is the same age as he. She finds Alex’s profile picture, name and address, and she shows up at Alex’s office at the same time as her husband Crawford. She is looking for the home wrecker who is trying to steal her husband.

Mr. (Ms.) Greyton is an interchangable part and is a lawyer who represents Alex and J.J.’s Uncle Tony. Greyton is a “no nonsense” lawyer of about the mid to late forties.

Justin is J.J.’s coworker at the advertising agency and an admirer of J.J..

Katie (or Kurt) is J.J.’s secretary/assistant at the advertising agency.

Security Guards are needed for the scene involving Clark Kent. You may use two or three males or two males and one female. Their job will be to remove “Superman”.

Scene 1

Setting: Compuware: A Computer Software Company in any major city, USA. 

Alex’s office—

Alex’s office has a  table desk with the usual office accessories and a laptop. There is also a file cabinet, a bookshelf, with various books, personal pictures and other personal items of decoration. The office is decorated with pictures on the wall, a mirror and plants. There is also a chair located against the back wall, a chair by her desk and a small couch along the common wall with J.J.’s office.

–

As the scene begins, Alexandra enters with her friend Lacy.  Alex has a brief case, a purse, a newspaper, and a cup of coffee. Lacy follows her with a cup of coffee in her hand.

LACY: The lawyer told you what?

ALEX: He said that in order to inherit Uncle Tony’s money I had to be married within a month to a man my uncle approved of.

LACY: That’s so 19th century. How old is your Uncle Tony?

ALEX: I do not know. All I know is that I owe him a lot. He took care of me after my parents died.

LACY: Why in the world would he put such a weird stipulation on the inheritance?

ALEX: I guess because he loved being married and he wants that for me too. 

LACY: Well, requiring it in a will won’t make it so.

ALEX: I know, but I think Uncle Tony thinks so, and there is more. 

LACY: There’s more?

(A beautiful young woman enters the office without knocking or being announced. She interrupts Alex and Lacy. When the young woman enters the office, she stops and looks around as if she is seeking someone or something that is not there. This young woman is Emily, Ethan’s on-line girl friend. She is very jealous of Alex.  She has decided to meet her and confront Alex about Ethan’s interest in her. Alex is turned toward Lacy and does not see her enter. Lacy makes Alex aware of the young woman’s presence.)

ALEX: (to the young woman) Could I help you?

EMILY: (Very sweetly) I’m looking for Ethan Harper.

ALEX: He’s probably in his office.

EMILY: (pretends confusion) Oh, but I thought this was his office.

ALEX: No, it’s down the hall, second door on the right, past the elevator. 

EMILY: (pretends embarrassment) I see. I’m sorry for the mistake. I thought Ethan said turn left when I got off the elevator, but he must have said turn right.

ALEX:  (reassuringly) There’s no need to apologize. It’s very easy to get confused around here.

LACY: (Curious about who this woman is) I don’t mean to pry, but are you one of Ethan’s clients?

EMILY: (Very pointedly to both women, because she does not know for sure which one is Alex) No, I’m just a friend, (with emphasis) a very good friend. (Alex looks at Lacy and rolls her eyes.)

LACY: (Realizing who she probably is) I bet your name is Emily.

EMILY: (with surprise) That’s right. How did you know?

LACY: I’ve heard Ethan speak of you.

EMILY: (fishing for information) I hope it was something good.

LACY: Of course it was. 

EMILY: (relieved) Great. I’m glad I’ve made a good impression.

LACY: I’m sorry. I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Lacy Stannic.

EMILY: (Very pleasantly) Nice to meet you, Lacy.

(Lacy looks at Alex and waits for Alex to introduce herself. Alex is looking down at the file on her desk. When she doesn’t introduce herself, Lacy introduces her to Emily.)

LACY: And, this is Alex Simpson.

EMILY: (With a noticeable change in tone, Emily steps toward Alex in a confrontational manner and speaks with great irritation.) So, you’re Alex Simpson. I’ve wanted to meet you.

ALEX: (responds in kind) Have you?

EMILY: (with continued irritation and confrontation) I have.

ALEX: (responds in kind) And, why would that be?

EMILY: (jealously) Because Ethan speaks of you quite often.

ALEX:  (Realizing she is Ethan’s new girlfriend) And, how do you know Ethan?

EMILY: (Very strongly) We’re dating.

ALEX:  (Realizing Emily is jealous of her and trying not to sound jealous of Emily) How nice for you! (Alex turns away from Emily’s confrontation.)

EMILY: (Very irritated and jealous, Emily grabs Alex’s shoulder and turns her around so they will be face to face.) It would be, except he spends so much time talking about you.

ALEX (with thinly veiled jealousy and anger) I’m sorry, but I’ve never heard him speak of you at all.

EMILY: (Irritated at the way Alex answered) Is that so?

ALEX: (Triumphantly calm because she realizes she has struck a nerve with Emily) I’m afraid it is. (Alex sits down.)

LACY: (Afraid that the two women are about to come to blows, Lacy tries to defuse the situation by stepping between the two women and turns toward Emily.) Emily, would you like me to show you exactly where Ethan’s office is?

EMILY: (very irritated, but trying to sound very calm and matter of fact) No thank you. (with emphasis on Alex’s name) I’m sure with Alex’s excellent directions that I can find it myself.

LACY: (Still trying to bridge the gap) It was very nice to meet you Emily.

EMILY: (Very politely) You too Lacy. (She looks toward Alex and trying not to sound irritated, but does.) You too Alex.

ALEX: (sarcastically) Oh, you too Emily. (Emily turns and leaves. After she leaves, Lacy confronts Alex about what just happened.)

LACY: (Shocked by Alex’s lack of civility toward Emily) What is up with you?

ALEX: (Trying to cover up) What?

LACY: I’ve never seen you be so rude.

ALEX: I wasn’t being rude.

LACY: If that wasn’t being rude, what was it?

ALEX: (still trying to cover up her true feelings) I don’t know.  I guess, this thing with Uncle Tony has stressed me more than I realized.

LACY: So that’s all that was.

ALEX: Yeah, that’s all that was. (changing the subject)  I was about to tell you the rest of Uncle Tony’s stipulation.

LACY: Well, tell.

ALEX:  You know that J.J. and I have been so competitive all of our lives.

LACY: Yeah.

ALEX:  He made this a competition between cousin, J.J. and me.

LACY: A competition?  (Alex nods “yes”)— between J.J. and you?

ALEX: Yeah. If Uncle Tony likes her husband better, she gets the money. If he likes mine, better I get the money.

LACY: That’s crazy.

ALEX: Yeah, but that’s the way it is. 

LACY: That’s a lot to ask just to inherit a little money.

ALEX: Yeah, it is. I’m not sure I want the $20 million that badly.

LACY: (in shock) $20 million! (Alex shakes her head affirmatively) So whom are you going to marry?

ALEX: I’m not so sure that I’m going to marry anyone.

LACY: Are you crazy? 

ALEX: I thought you thought the whole thing was so 19th century.

LACY: That was before I found out that there were twenty million reasons to do it. 

ALEX: (shocked by Lacy’s attitude toward marriage for money) Lacy! 

LACY: (in defense of her attitude) What? I’ve never had the opportunity to be the best friend of a generous multimillionaire.

ALEX: Get real Lacy; we are talking marriage. Besides, I want to get married for love not money.

LACY: Look, Alex, get married now for money, but you don’t have to stay married to the guy.

ALEX: (in disbelief) I cannot believe that you said that.

LACY: Why not? It’s the practical thing to do. Marry for money now. Marry for love later.

ALEX:  Lacy, get real, who do I know that would marry me….(Lacy cuts her off before she can finish.)

LACY: Good point!

ALEX:  Ha! Ha! You didn’t let me finish. Who do I know that would want to marry me in a month? I haven’t really dated anyone since Duncan.

LACY: That is a good point!

ALEX: I can’t see me finding Mr. Right in less than a month, and I sure can’t see myself getting down on one knee to pop the question to a man that I’ve known for less than a month.  

LACY: I’d pay to see that!

ALEX: Well, before you can see that, you have to help me find someone because I don’t have a clue how to find Mr. Right in that short a period.

LACY: Remember, Alex we don’t have to find Mr. Right. We just have to find Mr. Right now. (Alex shakes her head in disbelief and before she can say anything, Lacy continues.)  Keep saying to yourself, I don’t have to stay married to him. I just have to marry him to get the money.

ALEX: I don’t want to marry just anybody.

LACY: Good point!

ALEX:  So, what do we do?

LACY: (Perplexed) Yeah, so what do we do?  (Both try to think of a solution. Lacy comes up with the solution and excitedly shares it.)  I have it! (Alex looks at her with anticipation.) We work for a computer software company, right.

ALEX: Yeah…so

LACY: So, we use the computer to come up with a list of perspective husbands.

ALEX: (not too thrilled with Lacy’s solution) You mean use a computer dating service?

LACY: Yes, many people do it nowadays.

ALEX: (shaking her head in disbelief) I never thought I’d stoop to use a computer dating service.

LACY: Well, you have to get married in less than a month and I’m reasonably sure there’s no such thing as a computer marrying service.

ALEX: Okay….okay.  I get it.  Therefore, if I’m going to do this, I want a reliable, reputable one for serious minded people. 

LACY: We need one that has an excellent record of putting the right people together in a hurry.

ALEX: (skeptically) And, that one would be?

LACY: I don’t know. I need to do some research (pause) or I could just go ask Ethan.

ALEX: Ethan! 

LACY:  Yes, Ethan.

ALEX: Why Ethan?

LACY: Because he developed the software used by a number of the dating services, and he became his own guinea pig as he was developing it. 

ALEX: Huh?

LACY: He tried the software himself.(As she points to the door, reminding Alex of Emily’s visit)  That’s how he met Emily.

ALEX: (sarcastically)  Really!

LACY: Yeah.

ALEX: Lacy, I don’t want Ethan in on this. 

LACY: Why not? I’m sure that he would be a big help.

ALEX:  I don’t want him knowing my business.

LACY: Okay!  I’ll just ask him nonchalantly, sort of a harmless, desperate inquiry.

ALEX: I’m not sure that will work with Ethan. He’ll want to know why you’re asking, and He knows that you don’t need a dating service.

LACY: I’ll tell him that I’m asking for a friend.

ALEX: What if he thinks that friend is me?

LACY: Get real! He’d never think that you wanted a dating service. He knows that you are too career oriented. 

ALEX:  I just don’t want him to consider the possibility that you’re asking for me.

LACY: And, why not?

ALEX: (adamantly)   I told you. I don’t want him knowing my business.

LACY: (compliantly) Okay, okay. I’ll make up a lie that even Ethan will believe.

ALEX: It had better be believable.  I do not want him knowing my business. 

LACY: What’s up with you two?

ALEX: Nothing’s up with us.

LACY: I’m not so sure about that. He’s the only guy I know who seems to get to you.

ALEX: He doesn’t get to me. He just makes me mad with his “I’m God’s gift to women attitude.”

LACY:  You have to admit he is very cute.

ALEX: (With a frown) Just go do your research, but be very careful about what you say.

(As Lacy rises to go do her research and Alex rises to go to the file cabinet, Ethan enters the office. He has a file in his hand and is followed by Daniel, his best friend and an associate at the office. As if she is ignoring his entrance, Alex continues toward the filing cabinet, opens a drawer and looks for a file. Ethan responds by joining her at the filing cabinet.)

ETHAN: (with much exuberance) Hello, lovely ladies.

LACY: (With a genuine smile and enthusiasm, responds to Ethan’s greeting.) Hello, there.

DANIEL: (He likes Lacy, but the feeling is not reciprocated.) Hey Lacy.

LACY: (Barely responding, she grunts) Hey.

ETHAN: (pointedly to Alex, because she is ignoring him) Did Miss Alexandra Simpson get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?

ALEX: (with firmness) No, she did not.

ETHAN: (trying to get a rise out of her) So she is just naturally rude.

ALEX: (very firm and a little irritated) No, she is not. She’s just busy.

LACY: (interrupting) Before I start speaking of myself in the third person, I’ll go my office and get busy.

DANIEL: (with eagerness) I’ll walk you to your office.

LACY: (sarcastically) Oh no please. I’d hate to be an imposition.

DANIEL: (taking her by the arm and speaking with sincerity and affection) I can assure you that it’s no imposition. It would be my pleasure.

LACY: (to Daniel with sarcasm as they leave.) Oh, mine too. (energetically to Ethan) See you later handsome and please tell Alexandra Simpson that I’ll see her later.  (They both acknowledge her goodbye. Finally, Alex and Ethan are the only two left in the office.)

ALEX: (with much irritation) What do you want Ethan?

ETHAN: (flippantly) I want you sweetheart.

ALEX:  (with even more irritation) I’m not going to flirt or play games with you Ethan.  I’m serious. What do you want?

ETHAN:  (without flippancy) How do you know I’m not being serious?

ALEX: (with thinly veiled anger) I’m not at all amused. What do you want Ethan?

ETHAN:  I wanted to bring you the Ross file and catch you up on the details.

(Alex speaks throughout the rest of the scene with an irritated tone.)

ALEX: The Ross file? Why would I want the Ross file that’s your account?

ETHAN: Not any more. It’s now our account.  Drew assigned it to both of us this morning.

ALEX: Why to both of us? 

ETHAN:  Evidently, he thinks we are a good team.

ALEX: He thinks that because.

ETHAN: Because of the work that we did on the Edwards account and because I wasn’t making much progress with Ross by myself.

ALEX: And, why was that?

ETHAN: I’m not sure, but Drew thinks he might respond better to you.

ALEX: Why me?

ETHAN: Because you are, smart, very professional and very attractive.

ALEX:  (With irritation) So, Drew thinks Ross might respond better to a woman.

ETHAN: Well that’s part of it.

ALEX: (Very irritated) What part of it? A small part, a large part, what part?

ETHAN: Okay, it’s a large part. Ross is so preoccupied with his love life that I cannot keep his attention long enough to seal the deal.

ALEX: Oh, I see. I’m supposed to become his preoccupation so you can seal the deal.

ETHAN: Sort of.

ALEX: I don’t remember my job description including using my feminine wiles to help seal a deal.

ETHAN: (with amusement) Using your feminine wiles. Did you actually say “feminine wiles”?

ALEX: Yes, I did. Isn’t that what Drew wants?

ETHAN: Actually, he just wants you to help present our proposal from a woman’s perspective. The fact that you are a very knowledgeable, attractive woman is a plus. However, it’s completely up to you if you want to use your feminine wiles as part of the presentation.  I’m quite sure Mr. Ross would be quite receptive.

ALEX: So, Drew chose me for my knowledge and ability, and not to be bait for Ross.

ETHAN: (Trying to reassure her) He doesn’t want you do be bait. He thinks we make a good team. You use to think so too.

ALEX: That’s before I caught you with J.J.

ETHAN: That’s a very interesting response. I was talking about our work relationship but you made the leap to our personal relationship.

ALEX: We don’t have a personal relationship…

ETHAN: It doesn’t have to be that way.

ALEX: Yeah, it does.

ETHAN: Alex, I’ve tried to explain the whole J.J. thing, but you won’t let me.

ALEX: I know what I saw.

ETHAN: No, you know, what you think you saw.

ALEX: I don’t want to go there. Let’s just concentrate on the Ross account.

ETHAN: You’re the one that brought up J.J.. You must want to go there.

ALEX: Well, I don’t. 

ETHAN: (pleading) Alex, please I’d like to get things straightened out.

ALEX:   If you need to straighten anything out, shouldn’t it be with Emily. (Sounding jealous) By the way, I meet her today.

ETHAN: (Picking up on Alex’s jealousy) Jealous, huh?

ALEX: Not at all.

ETHAN: Sounds like it me.

ALEX: (Firmly) I suggest you get your hearing checked. (They are interrupted by Drew’s (Dana’s) entrance.)

DREW (DANA): (Enters after a quick knock) Good you’re both here.  Ethan have you brought Alex up to speed on the Ross account?

ETHAN: I was just doing that.

DREW (DANA): Alex, I’m counting on you to help sell our proposal.

ALEX: I’ll do my best.

DREW (DANA): I know you will. Ethan and you make a dynamite team.

ETHAN: That’s what I told her.

DREW: (DANA): I have to go. I have a meeting. I just wanted to tell you that there would be a sizeable bonus for both of you when you land Ross’s $20 million account.

ETHAN and ALEX: Thank you.  (Drew (Dana) leaves.

ALEX: (thinking aloud) The things I have to do for $20 million dollars.

ETHAN: (Thinking Alex is talking about having to work with him, he is very hurt by her tone.)  I know you don’t really want to work with me.

ALEX: (Realizing how offended he sounded) I’m sorry. I wasn’t aiming that comment toward you.

ETHAN: It sure sounded like it. (Realizing that he had left a folder in his office that they needed) I’m afraid I’ve forgotten one of the files you need. It’s in my office. I’ll be right back.

ALEX: That’s all right. I’ll go with you. We can go over it there.

                                             Scene Two

 Procter and Jones Advertizing Agency where J.J. works. 

J.J’s office 

J.J.’s office has a desk with the usual accessories. She can have a laptop on her desk or a desktop somewhere else in the office. Because she is an award-winning employee, her office is decorated to display her advertizing awards. She also has a small couch that fits back to back with the couch in Alex’s office. She also has a chair beside her desk and an extra one located along the back wall of her office. Her office also has various floral arrangements given by her admirers.

(As the scene begins, .J.J. enters carrying her brief case and purse. Her best friend and co-worker, Beth Collins, is following her. She puts her stuff down and sits down at her desk. Beth sits on the couch.)

BETH: So your uncle said what!

J.J.: He said (Before she finishes her sentence, she is interrupted by a co-worker, a man who knocks and then, enters with a mocha latté in his hand.) 

JUSTIN: (Very cheerfully to J.J.) Good morning.J.J.. I saw you come in and thought you might like to begin your morning with a mocha latte.

J.J.: (very impressed)  How thoughtful.

JUSTIN: (very pleased with her response) Thanks.

BETH: (curious about Justin thoughtfulness) You just happened to have an extra mocha latte setting around.

 JUSTIN: (explaining with honesty) Well, not exactly. When I saw J.J. get on the elevator, I stopped in the lobby and picked one up.

BETH: (dumbfounded) J.J.’s right. That is very thoughtful.

JUSTIN:  (to J.J. with a smile.) I hope I got it right. You take yours with lots of foam, a shoot of milk and a dollop of whip cream on the top.

J.J: (taking a drink, while Justin watches with interest.) It’s great. Thanks again.

JUSTIN: J.J. I’ll call you later about Saturday night.

BETH: (trying not to sound desperate, but does) If you can’t get her, you can always try me.

JUSTIN: (trying to sound polite but comes off sarcastic.)  Sure.  I’ll do that. 

BETH: (Energetically as Justin is leaving) I like mocha latte too.

J.J.: (instructively) No, Beth no.

BETH: (defeated) Back to your uncle. He told you what?

J.J.: He said that if I wanted to inherit $20 million I had to get married within a month.

BETH: Well, that should be easy for you. You have guys everywhere.

J.J.: Yeah, but only one I’d like to marry, and he won’t give me the time of day.

BETH: You mean Ethan.

J.J.: (shaking her head affirmatively.) I mean Ethan.

BETH: Have you tried calling him again?

J.J.: Yes, but he won’t even answer his phone. I even tried showing up unannounced at his apartment.

BETH:  (Amazed) You did.

Will You Marry Me

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