Bigfoot, Campers, Cheerleaders, Nerds, and the Three Wise Guys

Bigfoot, Campers, Cheerleaders, Nerds, and the 

Three Wise Guys

By 

Edgar Eaton

These plays may be produced royalty free when one script is purchased for each cast member.Bigfoot, Campers, Cheerleaders, Nerds, and the Three Wise Guys

 Copyright 2004

by Edgar Eaton

All Rights Reserved

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that BIGFOOT, CAMPERS, CHEERLEADERS, NERDS, AND THE THREE WISE GUYS is subject to a royalty.  It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, the British Commonwealth, including Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union.  All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, and the rights of translation into foreign language are strictly reserved. 

The amateur live stage performance rights to BIGFOOT, CAMPERS, CHEERLEADERS, NERDS, AND THE THREE WISE GUYS are controlled exclusively by Drama Source and royalty arrangements and licenses must be secured well in advance of presentation.  PLEASE NOTE that amateur royalty fees are set upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances.  When applying for a royalty quotation and license please give us the number of performances intended and dates of production.  Royalties are payable one week before the opening performance of the play to Drama Source Co., 1588 E. 361 N., St. Anthony, Idaho 83445, unless other arrangements are made. 

Royalty of the required amount must be paid whether the play is presented for charity or gain, and whether or not admission is charged.  For all other rights than those stipulated above, apply to Drama Source Company, 1588 E. 361 N. St. Anthony, Idaho 83445.

Copying from this book in whole or in part is strictly forbidden by law, and the right of performance is not transferable.

Whenever the play is produced, the following notice must appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the play, “Produced by special arrangement with Drama Source Co.”

Due authorship credit must be given on all programs, printing and advertising for the play.

No one shall commit or authorize any act or omission by which the copyright or the rights to copyright of this play may be impaired.

No one shall make changes in this play for the purpose of production without written permission.

Publication of this play does not imply availability for performance.    Both amateurs and professionals considering a production are strongly advised in their own interests to apply to Drama Source Company for written permission before starting rehearsals, advertising, or booking a theatre.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means, now known or yet to be invented, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, videotaping or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Bigfoot Goes to Girls’ Camp

A comedy in one-act

By Edgar E. Eaton

   Characters  1m9w

Bigfoot Dean  — Male adult, best played by someone large, burly, with a beard 

“Tiger” Avery – Colorful, take-charge person in her twenties or older.  She is the camp leader of these eight girls.

     All teenage girls at camp

Melissa

Danielle

Sara

Mallory

Emily

Madeline

‘Becca

Elizabeth

  Bigfoot Goes to Girls’ Camp

   The scene opens with the teenage girls around the campfire (done with logs, red see-through paper and a light globe)with their camp director, Tiger Avery.  They are roasting marshmallows and making “smores.”

Melissa:  Yuck. I’m getting chocolate all over me.  You didn’t tell me these smores were so messy

Danielle:  Don’t worry.  Just lick your fingers. . 

Melissa:  Yuck.

Sara:  Give it to me.  I’ll eat it.  I love chocolate. 

Becca:  Me, too. 

Elizabeth:  I love’em. 

Mallory:  Won’t the chocolate melt with hot marshmallows on it?

Tiger:  That’s the idea, Mallory. 

Emily:  It’s delicious. 

Madeline:  It’s not good for diets, but diets are outlawed at camp. 

    (Bigfoot comes wandering on stage from the woods, stage right.)

Bigfoot:  Did I smell chocolate?

  (The girls all scream and run all possible directions.  Emily, Mallory and Danielle go to their respective tents, others off stage into the woods and Madeline hides behind Tiger.)

Tiger:  All right, Buster.  Move it.  No men allowed in camp.  This is GIRLS’ Camp.

Bigfoot:  (Slowly walking back the way he came.)  Sorry.  I just wanted some chocolate.  I didn’t mean to frighten you.  Everyone come back.  I will leave. 

 (The girls all start to peak out from behind trees, through stage curtains, from tents.  Emily has a baseball bat in her hand.  Mallory has a walking stick, Danielle a frying pan, Becca has small limb of a tree.)

Melissa:  (Bravely stepping out from behind a tree.)  Miss Avery. Can’t we at least give him a smore before he goes?  I don’t think he meant any harm.

  (Bigfoot looks back over his shoulder, waiting to be accepted .The girls gradually come out and those without “weapons” hide behind Tiger.)

Tiger:  Who are you?  What are you doing here? 

Bigfoot:  (Nervously  watching all the girls with their various clubs.)  I live here.  Not here, exactly.  Down by the river in a hut hidden in the branches.  But don’t come looking for me.  No one else is allowed there.  No room.  Especially for girls. 

Emily:  Who are you? 

Bigfoot:  (Breaking into a big smile)  I’m what most folks call Bigfoot.

   (They all run and hide behind Tiger)

Madeline:  (Bravely coming out from behind Tiger)  You’re pulling our leg.  There’s really no such thing as Bigfoot. 

Bigfoot:  (Lifting up one foot, then the other.  He has big feet.  If the actor playing the part doesn’t really have big feet, have him wearing oversized old, beatup hiking boots or logging boots, even rubber boots.) I wouldn’t lie about something like that. 

Melissa:  (Bravely walking toward him, tentatively) Wow.  You do have big feet. 

Sara:  (moves to her side) Don’t hurt his feelings. 

  (The following lines are spoken rapidly, one line on top of another, as the girls come out from behind Tiger.  All move a little closer to him.)

Mallory:  Do you really live out here like a hermit? 

Becca:  What do you eat?

Elizabeth:  How do you keep warm? 

Emily:  Do you have TV?

Madeline:  How do you wash your clothes? 

Danielle:  Where do you bathe? 

Tiger:  Ladies.  I’m sure he doesn’t want all these questions.  That is none of your business. 

Bigfoot:  (Moving back toward them.  They hold their ground but are cautious.)  I don’t mind.  I would like to talk to someone . . . (looking at their clubs). . . I think.  Most people run  away from me.  (Turning to Madeline, the smallest of all the girls.)  Why didn’t you? 

Mallory:  She did.  She hid behind Miss Avery. 

Becca: Tiger, I mean Miss Avery, is not afraid of anything. 

Melissa:  She could wrestle a bear and win. 

Sara:  We call her Tiger. 

Bigfoot:  Must be a lot of fun on a date. 

Tiger:  (Giving him a dirty look)  Girls, don’t exaggerate.  We don’t fight bears and you don’t call me Tiger.  I’m Miss Avery.  And how I am on a date is none of your business.  What am I doing, talking to Bigfoot about dates?  This isn’t “Ricki Lake” (or any current talk show). 

Bigfoot:  Sorry. 

Tiger:  I didn’t mean to chew you out, Bigfoot.  Is that what you go by?  Bigfoot? 

Bigfoot:   (Crossing to her by the campfire)  My friends call me Larry.  My real name in Hansel but I never liked that name. 

Tiger:  Bigfoot, I mean Larry, do you still want to answer the girls’ questions? 

Danielle: (Crossing to him)  Now that you’re on a first name basis maybe he will ask you for a date. 

Melissa:  Danielle!

Danielle:  Sorry. 

Bigfoot:  (Putting his hands on his knees and bending down to her)  You’re a bright young lady, Danielle.  (Turns back to the girls who gather around him, sitting on the ground, logs or stumps.)  But I think you were asking some questions.  

Sara:  Do you need us to repeat them? 

Bigfoot:  Of course not.  My mind is like a steel trap.  Nothing gets away from me.  (Pause) Maybe you could tell me the first question. 

Mallory:  I asked if you live out here like a hermit.  

Bigfoot:  Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.  I have lived here ever since I was younger than most of you.  My wicked stepmother took me and my sister, Gretal, out in the woods and left us.  Gretal was rescued by our dad a day or two later but I was busy picking berries for us to eat and when I came back, they were gone. 

Emily:  How do you know your dad was there? 

Bigfoot:   They left me a note. 

Elizabeth:  Why didn’t you go back? 

Bigfoot:   My sister put up with my stepmother better than I did.  I’d rather live out here.  

Becca:  What do you eat? 

Bigfoot:  I love smores.  I had a bag of nuts with me and fed them to the animals and ate some myself.  We became great friends and the animals now share food with me.  I learned to eat the roots of plants . . . berries;  the forest is full of food.  I was hungry at first, but I learned. 

Elizabeth: How do you keep warm? 

Bigfoot:  That was the hardest part at first.  But I had a coat with me when I was left here and I have a pet raccoon that cuddles up to me at night. 

Emily:  Do you have a TV? 

Bigfoot:   Yeh.  I have rabbit ears and plug the TV into a current bush. 

Emily:  (Shaking her head to indicate No.)  Uh huh. 

Bigfoot:  I can’t fool you, can I?  But, really, I do have TV.  I stole it out of a camper some hunters brought up here.  I don’t like hunters because they shoot at my friends. I scare as many away as I can.  (Acting out sneaking up on someone) I love to sneak up behind the ones that have been drinking.  I’ll never forget this one jerk who . . . but you don’t want to hear about that.  Anyway, this one bunch came up to drink and play cards and leave their garbage on the ground. They were pigs.  They never did go hunting.  So when they all passed out from the booze, I took their battery powered TV.  (Turning to Emily)  You’re not going to turn me in, are you?

Emily:  Not me.  (Moving to him)  Would you steal one for me?

Melissa:  Emily!

Emily:  Just kidding. 

Bigfoot:  Anyway, I got a TV I watch once in a while.  I get an educational channel really good, but cable is out of the question and so is a dish.  I never see the Disney channel or HBO. 

Madeline:  How do you wash your clothes? 

Bigfoot:  I just wear’em when I go in swimming.  

Emily:  (Shaking her head again)  Uh huh. 

Bigfoot:  I do.  In the summer, I take them off and wash them in the river when no one is around.  Once I heard someone coming and I had to grab my clothes and hide under the water until they passed.  I thought I was going to drown.

Danielle:  Where do you bathe? 

Bigfoot:  In the river.  I go swimming year round.  I keep clean.  

Sara:  How old are you?

Melissa: Sara, you don’t ask people how old they are.  That’s not polite. 

Bigfoot:  I don’t mind.  But I don’t know how old I am.  I’ve never had a birthday.  I was seven  when they left me here.  But a lot of birthdays have gone by since then. 

Madeline:   (Crossing to him) You have not had a birthday since you were seven? 

Becca:  I think I’m going to cry. 

Danielle:  Becca, you cry during commercials. 

Becca:  There are some very moving commercials, especially at Christmas. 

Melissa:  (Standing) That’s it.  Let’s have a birthday party for Bigfoot.

Sara:  Larry. 

Mallory:  Hansel. 

Bigfoot:  (Turning to Mallory)  No, I’m not coming to the party if you call me Hansel

Elizabeth:  Is it all right, Miss Avery?  May we have a birthday party? 

Tiger:  Sounds very creative to me.  I think it would be a fun way to end the evening. 

Melissa:  OK.  Five minutes.  You’ve all got five minutes to go to your tents and come back with a creative gift for Bigfoot, I mean Larry.

Elizabeth:  I’ll bring the cake. 

Emily:  You can bake a cake, out in the woods, in five minutes?  I gotta see this. 

Elizabeth:  Count on it. 

Melissa:  Miss Avery, you visit with . . . ah . . . Larry while we put together a party. 

   (Everyone heads for her tent, which could be offstage in all directions, leaving Tiger and Bigfoot alone.  They sit on a log near the campfire, stage center, facing the audience.)

Bigfoot:  I didn’t think we would ever be alone. 

Tiger:  Don’t try anything.  Remember, I can out wrestle a bear. 

Bigfoot:  I promise to behave myself. 

Tiger:  You say your friends call you Larry.  Do you have any friends out here, I mean ones that can talk?

Bigfoot:  Yes   We get together every Tuesday night over at the church for basketball. 

Tiger: You have a church with a gym up here?

Bigfoot:  Wow, you’ll believe anything, won’t you?  I  was named MVP in the tournament last year. 

Tiger:  Why should I doubt you?  You seem like the most honest forest hermit I’ve ever met. 

Bigfoot:  You’ve met a lot of “Forest Hermits” in your day?  Thanks, I guess, for saying I’m honest.  (A pause.  He rises and walks away from her a few steps.)  Forest hermit.  I’ve really never thought about my being a hermit because I’m surrounded by friends – a pet raccoon, deer that stroll through my front yard, even bear that don’t bother me.  I’ve never challenged one to a wrestling match. 

Tiger:  Neither have I, actually.  It’s just a reputation I need to maintain control with the girls. 

Bigfoot:  I’m happy here, away from the cares of the world.  No, I don’t have any people friends.  I just made up that Larry bit.  But I guess I am a hermit. 

Tiger:  Have you ever thought of coming back, of adding some people to your circle of friends?

Bigfoot:  No, I haven’t really.  (A pause.  He sits.)  Until I met you. 

Tiger:  WHAT? 

Bigfoot:  I meant “you” plural, not “you” singular.  I didn’t mean to sound forward.  But you are a part of it.  You and these girls have been a breath of fresh air to me.  It makes me wonder — could I actually make it in the ”real world.”?

Tiger:  You sound like you’re tempted. 

Bigfoot:  Not really, I guess.  I’ve never been to school.  I have no skills, no college, I’d never find a job.  And can you imagine the publicity?  I can see the headlines now: (He stands)  BIGFOOT STUMBLES OUT OF WOODS; DISCOVERS HE IS JUST A BIG DUMMY.  I’d be in the all the tabloids, probably; visit all the talk shows.  

Tiger:  (She stands)  You’re no dummy.  You could make a lot of money on the talk shows, then maybe go on the speaking circuit, hire a writer to tell your story and put together a best seller. 

Bigfoot:  Right.  You have enough imagination to be my agent and write the book.  We’ll both be rich. 

Tiger:  I don’t want to be rich. 

Bigfoot:  Really?  I thought everyone wanted to be rich. 

Tiger:  I am rich.  You met my wealth.  They’re in their tents now spontaneously planning a birthday party for someone they just met.  No arguments.  No questions.  It looked like a good idea so they do it.  You can’t have more wealth than that. 

Bigfoot:  I think I would actually come back to society if I could gain that kind of riches. 

Tiger:  You could.  These girls are the beginning.

Bigfoot:  But it would be tough.

Tiger:  It would.  You would face challenges we can’t even imagine, standing here alone in the Cascade Mountains.  But you’re already done something few men have done.

Bigfoot: You mean cuddling up to a racoon to keep warm? 

Tiger:  No.  Most men don’t really want to do that.  No, I mean walking into our camp.  We don’t allow men at Girls’ Camp. 

Bigfoot:  You were supposed to throw me out? 

Tiger:  Of course. Girls need a time to get away from boys for a week. 

Bigfoot:  And I’m crashing the party, aren’t I?  (He stands up.)

Tiger:  Don’t you dare leave now.  It would break their hearts. 

(Melissa runs onto the stage from stage left)

Melissa:  All right everyone.  Time for the party. 

(The girls come from all corners of the stage, Elizabeth carrying a cup cake). 

Melissa   I want to see your cake, Elizabeth. 

(Elizabeth has a cupcake with a wooden match for a candle.)

Elizabeth:  The cupcake is one of the treats I had stashed away in my hidden store of treasurers I was saving it for a special time.  Hostess and I and all the girls and Miss Avery wish you a Happy Birthday. 

Bigfoot:  Thank you.  (He downs it in a couple bites.)  Ummm, Ummm good. 

Melissa:  Each of us have brought you a present.  Please understand.  We didn’t know we were coming to a party so we won’t have typical presents. 

Mallory:  (She hands him a carved walking stick) My big brother carved this for me to use when we go hiking.  I would like you to have it and think of me and my brother as you wander these hills. 

Bigfoot:  That is something I can really use.  It is getting harder and harder to get up down these hills in my old age. 

Melissa:   I want to give you this whistle.  When you go back to your hut by the river, if you ever need anything,  just blow on that whistle and we’ll come running.  My dad used to use this as a football referee.  It was very special to me, but I’m giving it you to help you remember this occasion. 

     (He puts the whistle in his mouith and is ready to blow it.)

Melissa:  Don’t blow it now. All the others in Girls’ Camp will be down here in a minute.  We want you all to ourselves. 

Bigfoot:  You got me. 

Sara:  I want to give you my lucky coin.  It’s a Susan B. Anthony dollar.  I know you can’t spend it here but it’s not to spend.  It’s a keepsake.

Bigfoot:  I’ll hang it on my wall in a frame. 

Sara:  You have a wall and frames and things like that? 

Bigfoot:  Of course.  If you don’t need electricity for it, I have it.  I can make the frame myself out of unique pieces of wood I find. 

Sara:  Thank you.  Susan B. Anthony will be proud to hang on your wall. 

Becca:  Larry, I drew you a picture. 

Elizabeth:  You did, Becca.  Becca is a very good artist. 

Becca:  It’s a picture of you and me sitting by the campfire. 

Bigfoot:  It’s great.  You are a good artist.  I will frame it and hang it next to Susan B. Anthony. 

Danielle:  Everyone is making fun of me because I brought an air mattress to camp.  We’re supposed to be roughing it, sleeping on the ground.  So I want you to have it. 

Bigfoot:  An air mattress for me? 

Danielle:  Sure. You can use it for a bed or float down the river on it. 

Bigfoot:  Maybe I’ll use it for both.  I have been sleeping on the ground for so long I am kinda used to it.  But, at my age, I might like an air mattress. Floating down the river on an air mattresses sounds like fun. Thank you, Danielle. 

Madeline:  I thought and thought .  I don’t have anything you can use.  I thought about the story about Danny who asked everyone what to give his mother for her birthday.  Finally, the bear told him to give her a big bear hug.  That’s what I brought you.  May I give you a hug for your birthday?

Bigfoot:  That will be one of my favorite presents.  (She gives him a big hug.)  

Emily:  I brought you my favorite book.  I apologize that it is kind of battered.  I read it a lot.  It is about Calvin and Hobbs.  I have others at home. This is one is called ‘Buried Treasures Are Everywhere.’  It’s by Bill Watterson, a wonderful cartoonist. I want to give it to you because you’re a buried treasure.  You’ll like it

Bigfoot:  Thank you. (He looks at it for a minute and smiles.)  I like it already.  Thank you.  Thank you for calling me a treasure. .  Right now, you’re asking a guy who learned to talk by watching TV, not by actually doing it.  I don’t know what to say. I wish I could tell you how I feel right now, but those are words I haven’t learned. 

Emily:  I would accept a thank you. 

Bigfoot:  Thank you. And maybe a Madeline gift.  (She gives him a big hug.)

Elizabeth:  I’m last.  I’ve written you something: 

  My mother made me go to camp, because, she said, it will make me grow.

  I complained and whined and groaned.  Living outside and sleeping on the ground, 

  Cooking over a campfire, making up skits and singing campfire songs, living without my curlers

    Or tv or my stereo. . . 

  It was not my bag.

  Carrying water from the creek, using latrines instead of flush toilets and not seeing a boy friend for a week:  

  Bah humbug. 

  Then one night into our camp wanders Bigfoot.  Who is going to believe this? 

  A furry, animal-like monster, I had always heard.  Not someone to take home to mother, I had believed. 

  But Bigfoot wasn’t a monster.  He was just like us.  No, he didn’t produce skits or sing campfire songs.  

  But he likes chocolate.  And, I think, he likes us.  I know we like him. 

  And he needs us.  So we put on a birthday party for him and we had to look inside ourselves to know what to give.  

  I’ve always been a receiver.  What fun it was to learn to give and I had to learn it in just five minutes. 

  Happy birthday, dear friend. 

Bigfoot:  No one has ever written anything for me before.  I will hang it on my wall with my other gifts. 

Elizabeth:  It’s not typed or anything.  It’s written on a paper plate. 

Bigfoot:  I like it that way. 

Melissa:  I think that’s everyone. 

Tiger:  Not quite.  I have a present. 

Melissa:  But you  were with Larry.  You didn’t have time to come up with a gift. 

Tiger:  We talked about what he would do if he ever decided to come out of the woods.  I have a present he can use, if he ever does that.  My phone number.  (She hands him a piece of paper.)

Elizabeth:  Your . . . phone number? 

Tiger:  Who does Larry know?  Who would he contact?  Us!  Would one of  you get a piece of paper or even a paper plate and everyone who wants to may write down her phone number so we’ll be the first to know if Larry, Bigfoot, decides to come out of hiding.  But should he stay here, we must keep this our secret.  Don’t let anyone know he is here.  Let us respect his privacy. 

Bigfoot:  Wow.  Now I have my own phone book.  No phone.  But my own phone book.  It may be worth hitch hiking to the nearest pay phone.

Tiger:  Here’s 50 cents (or whatever is the going phone toll at the time this play is being produced).  I don’t want you to cash your Susan B. Anthony dollar.  Let’s all follow Madeline’s gift and give him a big hug before we all hit the sack. 

    (As the curtains close – or lights fade to black – or both, everyone hugs Larry and wishes him one final series of Happy Birthdays.)

  In the dark we hear:  

Danielle: Good night, Melissa,  

Melissa: Good night, Elizabeth,  

Mallory:  Good night, Becca

Elizabeth:  Good night, Mallory

Becca:   Good night, Danielle

Emily:   Good night, Sara

Madeline:  Good night, Emily

Sara: Good night, Madeline

Everyone:  Good night, Tiger. Good night Larry.&

Bigfoot, Campers, Cheerleaders, Nerds, and the Three Wise Guys

No videos show for this product.

No images show for this product.