Hypnotic Suggestions

Hypnotic Suggestions

By

Daris Howard


 Copyright 2004
by  Daris Howard
All Rights Reserved
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Cast

Stu Dent – College age young man.  The hero.  He has  adenoid problems so talks as if his nose is plugged.  He is a bit of a nerd and wears glasses and has a nerdy laugh.

Holly Wood – College age young woman.  A bit ditsy.  The heroine.

Dewey Cheatem – Middle aged man losing a bit of hair.  The villain.

Charlie Dunsap – An older man.  The janitor and self-proclaimed chemist.

Marm A Lade – The women’s dorm head mistress.  A tough older lady.
                                        
[Editor’s Note:  Besides the regular notes the director of the first production put notes in square brackets.  These are just things that were done in that production that were successful.  They are meant only as suggestions and may or may not be used by a director.]

Director’s Note:   (General Notes)

1)Our pianist did a great job and besides having the regular cheering them for the hero, bad theme for the villain, and swooning theme for the heroine, we also had a theme for Marm and Charlie.  Marm was “The Baby Elephant Walk” and Charlie’s was a dunce theme.  We also had a cheer.  For Charlie it was “Tada” and for Marm it was two grunts like a Sumo wrestler.  We practiced these with the audience before the show started and had a lot of fun doing it.

2) Every time someone started to go into a trance our pianist played some twilight zone type of music and every time they drank some of the antidote she played a trill on the piano.

Hypnotic Suggestions

{Setting: All scenes are set in the lounge of the girl’s dorm.  There is a couch, a chair or two, and a coffee table or other small table}

Act I

{Stu comes walking in with some books.  Charlie is busy sweeping or working on something. The room is the lounge of the girls dorm.  Stu is immediately met by Marm who addresses him in a loud, rough tone.}

Marm: State your name and business.

Stu: Stu.  Here to tutor Holly Wood

{Marm walks around him making grunting sounds like she is sizing him up.}

Marm: All right.  I’ll go get her.  But remember, I’m watching you.  Always watching you.  And I have eyes in the back of my head.

Charlie: {From where he is} That’s why she’s so ugly.

{Charlie starts to laugh but stops immediately when Marm comes his way.}

Marm: {Stopping to look at Charlie} Mr. Dunsap, did you say something?

Charlie: Just talking to myself.

Marm: Well, I suppose if you’re going to say something stupid you should say it to someone stupid.

Charlie: Next time I have something stupid to say I’ll come find you.

{Marm exits in a huff.}

Stu: {To Charlie} Is Marm always so friendly?  I’ve been coming over here for months tutoring Holly and she always makes me state my name and gives me the fifth degree.

Charlie: She’s always hated men.

Stu: Why?

Charlie: I don’t know.  I think when she came into the world it must have been a male doctor that spatted her on her rumpus and she took to hating men forever.

{Holly comes bouncing into the room.}

Holly: Hi, Stu.

Stu: Hi, Holly  Are you ready to study some math?

Holly: Sure.

Charlie: Hey.  Would you two be willing to help me test my latest compound?

Stu: It depends.  It isn’t a stain remover like the one you used on Marm’s dress is it?

Charlie: Heck no, but you’ve got to admit that worked beautifully.  There warn’t no more stain when I got done.

Stu: Heck there warn’t no more dress.  It dissolved it clear away.

Charlie: Just a minor set back.  No sir.  This isn’t anything that goes on clothes.  You two start the tutoring and I will get it.

Stu: Ok.  Let’s get started so you can pass that math test. {They sit down and he pulls out some paper.}  Now to add two fractions you need to get a common denominator.

Holly: That is so hard.  Why don’t we just add the top to the top and the bottom to the bottom?

Stu: Because it doesn’t work.  If you added a half and a half that way you would get two fourths which is still one half.

Holly: That would be alright with me.

Stu: So if you had a half dollar and added another half dollar you would be ok with having a half dollar?

Holly: As long as I passed my test?

Stu: Make sure you never become my banker.

Holly: I don’t plan to be a banker.  I’m going to be an actress.  

Stu: Most actresses don’t make a lot of money.

Holly: I’m not worried about that.  My Dad left it in his will that if I can graduate I will inherit plenty to live on.

Stu: Then unless you get your fractions down you better plan on getting a job at McDonalds.

Holly: I’ll get them.  Have you ever known something I haven’t eventually gotten.

Stu: Yes.

Holly: Alright, so factoring is not my forte.

Stu: Nor is multiplying, dividing, adding, or subtracting.

Holly: At least I’m passing my cooking class.

Stu: I’d hope so, since the only requirement is you don’t kill anybody.

Holly: And I haven’t yet.

Stu: Of course you burned down most of the home ec. building.

Holly: But before my daddy died he paid to have it rebuilt good as new.

Stu: And your teacher did end up in the hospital with food poisoning when she ate some of your food.

Holly: But she didn’t die so I will pass.

Stu: Anyway, we better get back to fractions.

Holly: How about we take a break and go get a pizza?  We’ve been working for what two hours, three hours?

Stu: {Looking at his watch.} Five minutes.

Holly: Well it feels like two hours.

Stu: I’ll grant you that.

Holly: Good.  Then let’s go.

{She grabs his hand and starts to drags him off stage right.}

Stu: Wait a minute.  We promised Charlie we’d check out his new compound.

Holly: Oh, right.  You know, Stu, I just love your accent.

Stu: I don’t have an accent.  I have adenoids.

Holly: There’s no reason to get annoyed.

Stu: I didn’t say annoyed, I said adenoids.

Holly: Aren’t those the little machine guys on Star Wars.

Stu: That would be androids.

Holly: So where did you get one?

Stu: One what.

Holly: An android.

Stu: I don’t have an android?

Holly: Then why did you say you did?

Stu: I didn’t.

Holly: Yes you did.  You distinctly said you had androids.

Stu: No I didn’t I said I had.. um a stuffy head.

{Charlie comes running in.}

Charlie: Alright I’ve got it this time.  

Stu: So what is it?

Charlie: I have invented the world’s most perfect cologne.

Stu: Perfect in what way?

Charlie: In that once you put this stuff on, there won’t be a girl that can resist you.

Stu: Right.  What’s it made of?

Charlie: I figured I would add just a touch of all the things girls like.  I put in a bit of ginger, vanilla and rose petals and such.  Then to make it go right to the senses I added a dose of ammonia and Clorox.  

Stu: Ammonia and clorox?

Charlie: Yip.  If anybody knows that stuff goes right to the brain, I do.  Mixed them once and got a whiff.  Knocked me out for hours.

Stu: That explains a lot.

Charlie: You don’t believe me.  I’ll just have to demonstrate.  Holly,  I hate to do this to you, but Stu can wash it off right after the demonstration, and {Holding up a liquor bottle} I have mixed up this antidote you can take.

Stu: Right.  What is in the antidote?

Charlie: A little vinegar, a little water, and a bit of vodka.

Stu: Vinegar, water, and vodka?

Charlie: Yea.  The vinegar and water cleans things so I thought it would help you erase your memory, kinda like cleaning a chalkboard.  

Stu: What is the vodka for?

Charlie: It’s to make is so if  it doesn’t work you feel better anyway so you don’t care.

Stu: You’re crazy.

Charlie: Trust me on this one.

Stu: Trust you.  Last time you mixed up a chemical they had to call in the fire crew with their gas masks to air the dorm out for six hours

Charlie: This is different.  

Stu: And why do I have to be the one to try some on.  Why don’t you do it?

Charlie: Do you want Holly falling in love with me?  It just wouldn’t be appropriate.

Stu: Well, alright as long as I don’t have to drink anything?

Charlie:  Now Holly, I want you to go over there and Stu will put some on.  Then you can walk toward him until you can sniff it. {Holly obediently goes to the other side of the room.} Ok.  Stu, put some on. {Stu takes a small bit from the bottle and dabs it on like cologne.} Alright, start walking toward him.

{Holly starts walking toward him.  When she gets real close she takes a deep breath and starts to sneeze.}

Holly: {Looking at her hand.} Oh, no.  I’m breaking out in hives.

Stu: You made her allergic to me.  

Charlie: Darn.  I thought for sure this would work.  I’ll have to make some adjustments or something.

{ Charlie exits and Holly has gone into some kind of trance.}

Stu: {Laughing} Can you believe that?  Charlie made a potion that makes girls allergic to a guy.  That’s all he needs.  Girls are already allergic to him.  Well, I guess I better go get this washed off so we can get back to math.


[Editor’s Note: We had a bit of fun here.  Stu would poke Holly and she would rock back and forth on her feet.  The pianist played “If I Only Had A Brain” from The Wizard of Oz]

Holly: {Repeating monotone as if in a trance} Math.

Stu: {Turning to look at her} Are you alright?

Holly: {Still monotone} Alright.

Stu: {Waving his hand in front of her face} Holly!  Holly!

Holly: {Still monotone} Holly.  Holly.

Stu: We better get you some fresh air.

Holly: {Still monotone} Fresh air.

{He hauls her off stage.  This could be melodramatic.  Things like trying to move her and can’t so he drags her.  Momentarily Dewey comes in and is looking around.}

Dewey: {As if to himself} This must be the place.  This must be where Holly Wood lives. {Aside to audience}  I will get her to marry me and I will inherit her father’s fortune.

{Marm comes in and looks rather annoyed.}

Marm: Excuse me.  Who are you and what are you doing here?

Dewey: Oh, Miss Wood.  I didn’t recognize you in that getup.  Are you practicing for a play or something.  Don’t tell me, you are playing the nerd.

Marm: I am not Holly Wood, I am Marm A Lade and I am the resident head here.

Dewey: And a very charming woman you are.

Marm: Save it for the your cock roach pals.  What do you want?

Dewey: I am here looking for Miss Holly Wood.

Marm: That much I gathered.

Dewey:  I was told she would be in this lounge studying.

Marm: She was a few minutes ago, with her tutor, Stu Dent.  But she’s gone and you must leave too since, men are not allowed in the women’s dorm unless you are a student with a purpose here, you are a faculty member with a need to be here, or you work here.   No matter what, you can not be in here without my permission.

Dewey: But how do you know I am not one of the three?

Marm: The only man that works here, and I use the word works loosely, is Charlie.  You are too old to be a student.  And you’re too stupid looking to be faculty.

Dewey: But I am a friend of her deceased father, Red Wood.

Marm: Oh really.

Dewey: Her father and I go way back. {Aside to audience} In fact her father once fired me for embezzlement.  

Mar0m: Well, like I said, she’s not here right now anyway.

Dewey: {Starting to sit down} Perhaps I’ll just wait for her.

Marm: {Jerking him back to his feet}  Perhaps you will not.  

Dewey: Why not?

Marm: Because you’re a man.  And men are trouble.  I am afraid without her permission I can not allow you to stay.

Dewey: But…

Marm: {Grabbing him by the collar and hauling him off of the stage} But nothing’.  Off you go.

{As Marm comes back she sees Stu’s books sitting on the coffee table and picks them up disgustedly.  She could haul them somewhere else or even off as long as she comes back on to hear Charlie.  Charlie comes in mumbling that he thought for sure it would work.}

Marm: Mr. Dunsap.  What are you mumbling about?

Charlie: Nothing.  It was just about something I made.

Marm: It better not have been one of your confounded chemical mixtures again.

Charlie: And what’s wrong with my chemical mixtures.

Marm: Everything.  You’ve never made anything that worked.

Charlie: What about that compound to wash windows?

Marm: I have never seen anything in my life that would eat glass.

Charlie: Well they were clean.

Marm: They were gone!

Charlie: Speaking of gone.  I got rid of that gum in your hair didn’t I?

Marm: You got rid of the hair in the gum.  I was bald for a year.

Charlie: You were so much prettier and you didn’t even thank me.

Marm: {Poking a finger in his chest and speaking each word deliberately}  I let you live.

Charlie: You just wait.  I majored in chemistry in high school.  Someday one of my mixtures is going to make it big.

Marm: Big as in a big explosion.  If you hadn’t been here for so long I’d seen to it that you were gone.  Everyone seems to think you’re a fixture of the place.

Charlie: I may be a fixture but you’re the head gorilla of this zoo.

Marm: {Grabbing Charlie and holding up a fist}  You watch yourself Charlie Dunsap or some day I’m going to mop the floor with you.

{Marm gives Charlie a big shove and storms off.  Dewey comes in from the side of the stage and is trying to get Charlie’s attention.}

Dewey: Psssst.  Hey, Buddy. {Charlie looks confused then finally sees him.} Is that woman gone?

Charlie: Mentally anyway.

Dewey: {Coming in} Wow, she is one tough dame.

Charlie: In her past life she was a pit bull.  You better leave too unless you’re a student or faculty.

Dewey: {As if realizing what he has to do}  Faculty.  Yes.  That’s it.  You see, I’m faculty.

Charlie: If you’re faculty how come I don’t know you.

Dewey: Well, you see…

Charlie: {Excited}  Oh!  Oh!  You must be the new chemistry professor.

Dewey: Yes.  That’s it.  I’m the new chemistry professor.

Charlie: {Grabbing Dewey’s hand and starting to shake excited} Oh, I’m so glad to meet you.  I’ve got things I want to show you.  We can talk over milk and cookies and…

Marm: {Coming in as Dewey jumps behind Charlie for protection} I thought I told you to leave.

Charlie: He’s the new chemistry professor.  

Marm: Hmm.  Friend of yours, Charlie.

Charlie: He is now.

Marm: Well, that would explain the stupid look. {Coming up real close and eying Dewey walking all the way around him suspiciously.  She could even open his mouth like checking out a horse and then shut it.} Why did you want to see Holly?

Dewey: Um, I wanted to check on her grade in Chemistry.

Marm: She’s not in chemistry.  Besides, I thought you were friends with her father.

Dewey: I am.  I know her father always wanted her to take chemistry so I thought I would see if she wanted to sign up for my class.

Marm: Great.  All we need is for her to sign up for chemistry.  She already burned down the cooking building.  

Dewey: Don’t worry, Mam.  I would be responsible for her.

Marm: {Going to him and poking him in the chest}  And don’t you forget it.

{Marm goes off.  Charlie grabs Dewey.}

Charlie: Hey.  Come on.  Let me show you your classroom.

Dewey: That sounds good.  Then I may need to take care of some business. {Aside to audience}  Like making sure the real chemistry teacher doesn’t show up. {Dewey laughs an evil laugh then turns back to Charlie.} Come on my friend.  Why don’t you show me that classroom.

{Stu comes back in carrying Holly.  He is trying to get her to come around.}

[Director’s Note: Here we again had him stand her up and as she wobbled we played the “If I Only Had A Brain” song from The Wizard of Oz.  Eventually Stul eased her back into a chair.]

Stu: {Making motions like he is trying to cast a spell off of Holly} Holly.  Come on.  Snap out of it.  You’ve got to learn your math.

Holly: Learn math.

Stu: You’ve need to pass your math test.

Holly: Pass math test.

Stu: I’m supposed to help you become good at math.

Holly: Good at math.

Stu: Holly.  Snap out of it.

{Marm walks in picks up Stu’s books or brings them in with her and slams them on the coffee table which brings Holly out of her trance.}

Marm: Haven’t I told you to not leave your books lying around?

Stu: Yes, Mam.

Marm: Then do it.

Stu: Yes, Mam.

Marm: {Eying him suspiciously} I’m watching you. {She then walks around behind him as if going off, but instead scares him.}  Always watching you.

{Stu jumps as Marm leaves then Stu turns to find Holly recovered but still shaking it off.}

Stu: Are you alright.

Holly: Yes.  It was funny.  It was like I was in a dream.

Stu: It was that cologne of Charlie’s.  

Holly: I feel fine now.

Stu: We better get back to studying so you can pass your math test.

Holly: But I’m good at math.

Stu: {Laughs} Since when?

Holly: I don’t know.  I just know I am good at math.

Stu: Let’s go back to fractions.  If we take three fourths and seven thirds we need to get a common denominator and…

Holly: We get thirty seven twelfths.

Stu: {Works it quickly then looks up shocked} Right!  If we take x over y plus one over x…

Holly: We get x squared plus y over x y.

Stu: {Again shocked} Correct.

Holly: This is really easy.  

Stu: Maybe you should go take your test while you know the material.

Holly: That’s a good idea.  Then we’ll go out for pizza.  I’ll run take it right now.

Stu: Great.  You give me a call when you get done.

{Holly runs off to take her test and Stu starts to gather his stuff as Charlie and Dewey come in with Charlie holding the bottle of spray.}

Charlie: I was really sure it would work but it doesn’t and {pointing at the antidote} I even created this antidote.  But it actually made her just break out in hives. {He sees Stu.} Oh, hi, Stu.  I want you to meet the new chemistry teacher, Professor Cheatem.

Dewey: Dewey Cheatem at your service.

Stu: {Shaking hands} Glad to meet you.

Charlie: Hey, Dewey.  Howie Cheatem wouldn’t happen to be your father.

Dewey: Grandfather.

Charlie: Grandfather huh.  He and I went to school together.

Stu: Wow.  How old are you, Charlie?

Charlie: Ain’t none of your business.

Stu: Can’t count that high, huh.

Charlie: Ha, ha, ha.  Hey, Mr. Cheatem.  Stu, here,  is a good friend of that young lady, Holly, that you were asking about.

Dewey: Is that so?

Stu: Yes.

Dewey: {Comes up and puts his arm around Stu’s shoulders}  We might need to talk some time.

Stu: Be glad to visit.  Right now I’ve got to run. {Dewey doesn’t let go so Stu tries again.} I need to run. {Dewey still doesn’t let go.} I am running.

Dewey: {Realizing lets him go} Yes.  Yes of course.

Stu: I need to do some homework while Holly is taking her test.  That way I can take her out for pizza later.

{Stu leaves.}

Dewey: {Turning to Charlie}  That young man is taking her out for pizza.  Are they, you know, an item?

Charlie: You could say that.

Dewey: I’ll have to do something about that.

Charlie: I beg your pardon.

Dewey: Oh, I was just saying I need to do something about that potion of yours.

Charlie: {Handing him the spray and putting the antidote on the table.}  Oh, you’re welcome to it.  Can’t figure out why it didn’t work.  Speaking of which.  I need to get back to work.  If I can do anything for you, you make sure you give me a holler.

Dewey: You can count on that.

{Charlie goes out to work.  Holly comes back in but does not notice Dewey.}

Holly: {Calling} Stu.  Oh, Stu.  I’m done with my test already.  

Dewey: Hello.

Holly: Oh, excuse me.  I didn’t see you there.

Dewey: You were looking for Stu?

Holly: Yes, I was.

Dewey: You wouldn’t happen to be Holly?

Holly: Yes I am.

Dewey: Aw, it is you I have been searching for.

Holly: I am afraid I don’t know you.

Dewey: No, but I know you.  You see your father and I were good friends, may he rest in peace.  He always wanted me to marry you, but we agreed I should go out into the world to learn and grow a bit.

Holly: Well, you at least did the growing.  But are you sure he didn’t mean something besides {whacking Dewey’s stomach} out.

Dewey: {Trying to catch his breath}  You are so delightful.  But now I have come back so we can once more be together.

{He moves toward her and she moves away through most of this.}

Holly: Don’t you think perhaps you have some other growing to do.

Dewey: I am now the new chemistry teacher here.

Holly: I was kind of talking about your hair.

Dewey: Isn’t it lovely.

Holly: Isn’t it lacking?

Dewey: If hair is what you want I could get a toupe.  

Holly: To pay for what?

Dewey: No.  Toupe.  Hair.

Holly: Why would I want to pay for hair?

Dewey: {Aside to the audience} Does anyone ever carry on an intelligent conversation with this girl? {Back to Holly} You have such a wonderful sense of humor.  You’re just as delightful as I remember you.

Holly: I’m sorry, but I don’t remember you.  Wait a minute.  You remind me of a guy that I once sicced my dog on.

Dewey: {Aside to the audience} Egads.  She does remember me. {Back to Holly} Obviously you must have me mistaken for someone else.  I was such a good friend of your father.

Holly: Friend of my father or not, I can’t marry you?

Dewey: Why not?

Holly: Because I am in love with someone else.

Dewey: What has that got to do with it?

Holly: He’s good and kind and besides he has hair he doesn’t have to pay for.

{Marm comes in behind Dewey.}

Dewey: Perhaps if you got to know me better.

Holly: How?

Dewey: Why don’t you go out to dinner with me?

Holly: Sorry, Stu is already taking me out for pizza.

{Author’s note: If a director wants he can remove the cell phone instances.  We had a lot of fun with it and the audience enjoyed it.}

Dewey: But I can be.. {Dewey’s cell phone rings.} Will you excuse me a minute.  {Dewey goes off to the side of the stage to talk on his phone.  As he talks Holly is tapping her foot like she is annoyed.} Hello.  Mom.  Mom, I’m on stage right now…  No it is not a good time to talk…  Listen, I’ll make my bed when I get home…  Yes, I promise.  Now I’ve got to go so goodbye…  Do I have to, everyone is watching…  Alright.  I love you too.  Satisfied…  Ok.  Goodbye. {Dewey puts his cell phone away and comes back and looks somewhat embarrassed.}   Sorry, that was my um broker. {Dewey then grabs Holly like he is going to dip her for a kiss.} As I was saying,  I can be irresistible.  Why {Marm walks into view and Dewey sees her.} … why, why don’t you come take my chemistry class?

Holly: Take you chemistry class, but you

Hypnotic Suggestions

Author: Daris Howard
     Daris Howard is an author and playwright who grew up on a farm in rural Idaho. He associated with many colorful characters including cowboys, farmers, lumberjacks and others.
     Daris and his wife, Donna, have ten children and were foster parents for several years. He has also worked in scouting and cub scouts, at one time having 18 boys in his scout troop.
     His plays, musicals, and books build on the characters of those he has associated with, along with his many experiences, to bring his work to life.
    He and his family have enjoyed running a summer community theatre where he gets a chance to premiere his theatrical works and rework them to make them better. His published plays and books can be seen at http://www.darishoward.com. He has plays translated into German and French and his work has been done in many countries around the world.
     In the last few years, Daris has started writing books and short stories. He writes a popular news column called Life’s Outtakes, that consists of weekly short stories and is published in various newspapers and magazines in the U.S. and Canada and has won many awards for his writing.

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