The Real Story of the Three Little Pigs
The Real Story of the Three Little Pigs – Script
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The Real Story of the Three Little Pigs

A new musical version of the classic tale in which the three pigs are irresponsible adults Wolf is innocent.

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The Real Story of the Three Little Pigs

A new musical version of the classic tale in which the three pigs are irresponsible adults who still live with their long-suffering mother and the Wolf is the good guy.


Author:    Judy Wolfman

Composer/Lyricist:    David Reiser

Synopsis: 

This wacky musical takes a second look at the classic children’s tale. Mama Pig makes a deal with the Wolf–a kindly vegetarian–to get her lazy sons out of the house. The sons’ antics (reminiscent of The Three Stooges) contrast with the Wolf’s sensibilities and Mama’s good intentions.

The Wolf’s plan works but, in the process, he accidentally wrecks the first two pigs’ homes. He is jailed for destruction of private property and attempted pigicide, thus giving him the bad reputation which persists to this day.

The Real Story of the Three Little Pigs

The Real Story of the Three Little Pigs

By 

Judy Wolfman and 

David Reiser


The Real Story of the Three Little Pigs 

Copyright 2003

by Judy Wolfman and David Reiser

All Rights Reserved

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that THE REAL STORY OF THE THREE LITTLE PIGS is subject to a royalty.  It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, the British Commonwealth, including Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union.  All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, and the rights of translation into foreign language are strictly reserved. 

The amateur live stage performance rights to THE REAL STORY OF THE THREE LITTLE PIGS are controlled exclusively by Drama Source and royalty arrangements and licenses must be secured well in advance of presentation.  PLEASE NOTE that amateur royalty fees are set upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances.  When applying for a royalty quotation and license please give us the number of performances intended and dates of production.  Royalties are payable one week before the opening performance of the play to Drama Source Co., 1588 E. 361 N., St. Anthony, Idaho 83445, unless other arrangements are made. 

Royalty of the required amount must be paid whether the play is presented for charity or gain, and whether or not admission is charged.  For all other rights than those stipulated above, apply to Drama Source Company, 1588 E. 361 N. St. Anthony, Idaho 83445.

Copying from this book in whole or in part is strictly forbidden by law, and the right of performance is not transferable.

Whenever the play is produced, the following notice must appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the play, “Produced by special arrangement with Drama Source Co.”

Due authorship credit must be given on all programs, printing and advertising for the play.

No one shall commit or authorize any act or omission by which the copyright or the rights to copyright of this play may be impaired.

No one shall make changes in this play for the purpose of production without written permission.

Publication of this play does not imply availability for performance.    Both amateurs and professionals considering a production are strongly advised in their own interests to apply to Drama Source Company for written permission before starting rehearsals, advertising, or booking a theatre.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means, now known or yet to be invented, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, videotaping or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.


CHARACTERS

(In order of appearance)

COURT REPORTER Loves his job and is efficient at it.

BAILIFF Very business-like.  Feels important.

JUDGE Stern, but has a “human” side to him.  No-nonsense sort of person.  Fair.

WOLF Personable, friendly, warm individual.  Has good common sense and good intentions.  

MAMA PIG              Diligent, caring mother who has spoiled her children and is now tired of having them around.  At first she’s mild, but with the Wolf’s guidance, she becomes stronger.

CURLY The youngest pig, who loves to watch TV and play jokes on others.  

HARRY The middle pig, who is lazy but means well.  He’s flexible, and leans in the direction that will serve him best.

JOE The oldest pig, who loves to read and learn.  Has good knowledge about many things, as well as common sense.  He’s more aware and sensitive to others and their needs.

STRAW SALESPERSON A fast-talking con artist.

STICK SALESPERSON A strong salesman – not as fast-talking or as much of a con artist as the first salesman.

BRICK SALESPERSPN A hard worker, rather timid and unsure of himself.  Very honest.

POLICEMAN A true upholder of the law, who wants to see justice served.

RED RIDING HOOD          Young girl who lives near-by, enroute to her grandmother’s home.  She remembers the wolf from a previous encounter.

NOTE:  Females, as well as males, can be used for every role, and roles could be doubled – the JUDGE, BALIFF and REPORTER could also be the STRAW, STICK and BRICK SALESPEOPLE. as well as RED RIDING HOOD.


Author’s Note:

The Three Pigs mirror the Three Stooges, and some of the antics are incorporated in the script.  However, the director of the pre-published play viewed several Three Stooges films with her cast, and developed additional bits.

In addition, she costumed the Three Pigs in suits and ties, in much the same fashion as the Three Stooges wore.

These adaptations showed that a director can do as much, or as little, as desired when it comes to using the Three Stooges material.  This show allows for imagination and creativity.


PRODUCTION NOTES

1. COURT ROOM SET  (Scenes 1 and 7)

The court room should be on STAGE RIGHT, in front of the curtain on the stage apron or an extended platform of the stage.  If this is not possible, perhaps the set can be built on a platform that can be easily wheeled on and off the stage.

The set would require the Judge’s bench, slightly elevated, a small table in front of the bench, a chair to the left of the bench, and a table and chair for the court Reporter.

2. THE FOREST SET (Scenes 2, 4, and 6)

One broad tree, located STAGE RIGHT, near the curtain line, with one or two smaller trees scattered on the perimeter of the stage area.  

A small stump, off center, STAGE LEFT.

Center stage area clear for the building of the three homes.

3. THE HOME OF MRS. PIG SET (Scenes 3 and 5)

Set is STAGE LEFT.

The set should be simple – easy to set up.  Or possibly on a platform that is on wheels and easy to pull and push on/off stage.

Set consists of a sofa, centered on the set, TV (angled slightly to the left of the sofa) an end table to the right of the sofa.

Two chairs – one on each side of the set.

The “door” would be STAGE LEFT

4. REGARDING THE BUILDING SUPPLIES 

Depending upon how extensively the homes can be built, the salespeople can bring their materials in a wheelbarrow, cart, or wagon.  With the straw and sticks, the materials can be bundled and carried by hand, or on the salesperson’s back.  A wheelbarrow would be most effective for the bricks.

5. REGARDING THE BUILDING OF THE HOMES

The houses can be built anywhere on the stage – what works best for the local production.  A blackout at the end of each “construction” scene will allow for the removal of the home.

Straw and Stick Homes – Three narrow boards, covered with some of material, can lie on the ground or be flown.  As the pigs build their homes, the boards can be assembled by hooking them together, OR hooking them onto a frame, OR by using long strips of velcro.  Another way might be to have the three boards already together by means of hinged braces, that the pigs could raise.

Brick Home – Similar to above, with bricks painted on, or use styro-foam or cardboard (play) bricks and actually construct a home.  

NOTE:  A completed brick home can be painted on the reverse side of the interior of Mrs. Pig’s home.  Joe’s scene with the bricks can be played in front of the curtain, while the set is changed.  When the curtain opens, the finished home is revealed.

Another Approach – For all three, the pigs can go through the motions of construction – pantomime – and put the imagination to work.

6. When the pigs enter their homes, they can go around one of the boards (walls) or pantomime going inside, then lay down as if to nap.  When they see the wolf, they can pantomime looking outside a window.

7. Throughout the script, ad libs are called for to help engage the audience as well as to occupy time while building the houses.  It will be up to the actors to think of appropriate things to say, and not be bogged down by scripted words that might not “work.”

8. REGARDING THE THREE STOOGES MATERIAL

In the original pre-published production, the director and Three Pigs  viewed films of The Three Stooges, and incorporated some of the antics in the play.  In addition, the director injected a Fifties appeal, dressing the Three Pigs in suits and ties (similar to the Three Stooges), and added Do-Wop back-up singers. This show allows a director great freedom in using the Three Stooges material, and for being imaginative and creative.


PROP AND SET LIST

SCENE 1 (Court room)

Several papers Bailiff

Machine For recorder to use (if a real machine can’t be found, a tape recorder or similar machine could pass)

Gavel Judge

Bible Bailiff

SCENE 2  (Forest)

Tree stump

Trees

SCENE 3  (Mama Pig’s home)

Sofa, TV, end table on the set

Papers, magazines, food cartons, glasses or cans strewn around

Magazine Joe

SCENE 4  (Forest)

Tree stump

Trees

SCENE 5  (Mama Pig’s home)

Sofa, TV, end table on the set

Papers, magazines, food cartons, glass or cans strewn about

Magazine

Backpack/suitcase Curly

Teddy Bear Curly

Purse with money Mama

SCENE 6  (Forest)

Backpack/suitcase Curly

Teddy Bear Curly

Straw (in a cart, wheelbarrow, wagon or bundle)   Salesperson  

Money Curly

Big tree Wolf

Cell phone Wolf

Backpack/suitcase Harry

Sticks (in a cart, wheelbarrow, wagon or bundle)   Salesperson

Money Harry

Backpack/suit/case Joe

Bricks (in a cart, wheelbarrow or wagon)   Salesperson

Money Joe

Ladder (On the set)

Cell phone Joe

Handcuffs Policeman

Covered basket Red Riding Hood

Several pies In basket (NOTE:  Pies can be  aluminum pie pans filled with  shaving cream)

SCENE 7  (Court room)

Papers Judge

Machine Recorder

Handcuffs Bailiff

Gavel Judge



THE REAL STORY OF THE THREE LITTLE PIGS

SCENE 1:  THE COURTROOM

(In front of the curtain, STAGE RIGHT,  BAILIFF and COURT REPORTER are talking in front of the JUDGE’S bench.)

REPORTER:  What’s on the docket today?

BAILIFF:  (Reviewing a piece of paper.)  Some wolf who’s been charged with destroying property and attempted pigicide.

REPORTER:  Pigicide?

BALIFF:  Yeah, pigicide.  He also tried to eat the pigs who lived in the houses he destroyed.

REPORTER:  Imagine that – wrecking homes and then trying to make a meal of the homeowners.

BALIFF:  He must be a real “looney”.

REPORTER:  I wonder how he did it?  And why?  

BALIFF:  We’ll find out soon enough.  The Judge is coming now.  (Turns to the audience.)  All rise.  (Encourages the audience to rise.)  Now, help me announce the Judge’s arrival.  (He chants, and gestures to the audience to join him.  REPORTER also joins in.)  Here comes the Judge!  Here comes the Judge!

JUDGE:  (Appears STAGE LEFT, crosses to his bench looking glum.  Motions to the audience.)  You may be seated.

BAILIFF:  (Loud whisper to JUDGE.)  What’s the matter, Judge?  (MUSIC INTROS.)

JUDGE:  Oh, I’m getting tired of being a judge – sitting day after day in a stuffy courtroom wearing this uncomfortable robe.  (SINGS.)

   JOB DESCRIPTIONS

JUDGE:  It’s no fun being a judge,

It’s no fun being a judge.

Folks I send to jail

Soon are out on bail

And they carry a grudge.

If I had my way

I would rather stay

Home in bed and not budge–

It’s no fun being a judge.

BAILIFF: (SPEAKS.) At least you get to do something, like making judgements and pounding your gavel. (SINGS.)

Being a bailiff is boring,

Being a bailiff is boring.

I stand this way

Eight hours a day–

It looks like I’m stuck to the flooring.

The way I keep

From falling asleep

Is hearing the sound of my snoring.

Being a bailiff is boring.

COURT REPORTER: (SPEAKS.) You think you’ve got it bad? I have to work harder than both of you put together. (SINGS.)

The poor, court reporter,

The poor, court reporter;

It really is an awful job,

I write until my fingers throb,

I’m treated like a human tape recorder.

I try so very hard to please–

I even write down when they sneeze–

But there is no appreciation for

The poor, court reporter.

During the musical interlude JUDGE, BAILIFF and COURT REPORTER ad lib about how their jobs are no fun/boring/difficult.  Then they repeat their solos in counterpoint.

JUDGE:  (Sits down behind his bench and bangs his gavel.)  This court is now in session.  Bailiff, present the first case.

BAILIFF:  Your honor, the Commonwealth of (name of local commonwealth) in the State of (name of State) vs the Wolf, criminal act number 435, dated (today’s date).

JUDGE:  What’s the charge?

BAILIFF:  The charge is destruction of property of Mr. Harry and Curly Pig, and attempted pigicide.

REPORTER:  (To audience.)  That means he tried to eat the pigs.

JUDGE:  Call the accused to the bench.

BAILIFF:  Will the Wolf approach the bench?  (WOLF walks to a chair to the left of the bench, and stands in front it.)  Raise your right hand – er, I mean paw.  (WOLF does.)  Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

WOLF:    I do.

JUDGE:  Where is your legal representation?

WOLF:    My what?

JUDGE:  Your lawyer.  Who is going to speak on your behalf?

WOLF:    I don’t need anyone to speak for me, Your Honor.  I can speak for myself.  My story is simple, and I’m innocent.

JUDGE:  Yeah, that’s what they all say.  Very well, then.  State your full name.

WOLF:    My name is Wilbur C. Wolf.

JUDGE:  What’s the “C” stand for?

WOLF:    Aw, Judge, you don’t need to know that, do you?

JUDGE:  I certainly do.  I asked for your full name, not your initials.  So, what  does the “C” stand for?

WOLF:    (Mumbling something.)

JUDGE:  Speak up, man – I mean Wolf.  I can’t understand you.

WOLF:    My Momma gave it to me.

JUDGE:  (Obviously exasperated)  Gave what to you?

WOLF:    My middle name.

JUDGE:   Well, what is it?  Come on, Wolf, I don’t have all day to spend finding out what your middle name is.  This is ridiculous.

WOLF:    It sure is.

JUDGE:  Is what?

WOLF:  My middle name is ridiculous.  (Gulps, obviously struggling with the name.)  It’s Cutie-Pie.

JUDGE:  Did I hear you right?  Your middle name is Cutie-Pie?  (JUDGE laughs.)  That’s a good one.  What made your mama give you that name?

WOLF:    When I was born, my mama said I was sooo cute – so she gave me    Cutie-Pie as my middle name.

JUDGE:  Very well, be that as it may.  We’ll just call you Wilbur Wolf.  (Pauses,  as though thinking of something.)  Hmm.  That name sounds familiar to me.  Yes.  I remember now.  I read something in the paper a couple of years ago about a Wilbur Wolf who tried to trick a little girl – Red Riding Hood, her name was – and her grandmother.  Tried to eat them both, as I recall.  Was that you?

WOLF:    Yes and no, Judge.

JUDGE:  What do you mean, “yes and no?”

WOLF:    Well, yes, it was me you read about in the paper, and “no” I didn’t try to eat either one of them.  Granny helped me plan to teach Red a lesson.  She was a real brat, Your Highness. . .

JUDGE:  Your Honor –

WOLF:  Your Honor – but the plan backfired, Red wrongly accused me of trying to eat her up, and wouldn’t let Granny tell the real story.  So I . . .

JUDGE:  Hold on, Wilbur.  We’re not here to listen to that story – we’re here to listen to why and how you blew down two houses that were owned by . . .  (he shuffles through his papers) two poor little pigs.  Now, what do you have to say about that?

WOLF:    Well, Your Holiness. . .

JUDGE:  (Becoming agitated) – YOUR HONOR – 

WOLF:    Your Honor – let me tell you the whole story.  It all began last Spring.  It was a Sunday – no, I think it was Saturday.  (Pauses, obviously thinking.)  Nooo, it definitely was a Sunday.  I remember now because I slept late, and I always sleep in on Sundays.

JUDGE:  (Annoyed.)  Please, spare me the details and go on with your story.

WOLF:  Right.  Well, like I said, it was a beautiful Sunday morning in the spring,  and I had just gotten up.  I had a good night’s sleep, felt rested, and decided to take a brisk walk before having breakfast.

JUDGE:  (Annoyed.)  Does all that really have a bearing on this case?

WOLF:  Most definitely, sir.  You have to understand who I am and what I’m all about.

JUDGE:  Very well.  (To the REPORTER.)  Please read that last part back.

REPORTER:  (Reading.)  Most definitely, sir.  You have to understand who I …

JUDGE:  Not that part.  The one before, where he’s telling us his morning routine.

REPORTER: (Scanning paper and reading again.)  I had a good night’s sleep, felt rested, and decided to take a brisk walk before having breakfast.

JUDGE:  (To WOLF.)  Continue.

WOLF:  I hadn’t gone too far into the forest when I heard a strange sound.  It sounded like a cross between a squeal and a cry.  I followed the sound and discovered a pig – sitting on a log – crying her heart out.  It was quite disturbing to me, so, being the nice guy that I am, I approached her to see if I could be of any help.

(As the WOLF recites the last few lines, the lights dim to black, as the curtain opens on 

SCENE 2.   THE FOREST

(WOLF, JUDGE, BAILIFF, and REPORTER exit in the blackness STAGE RIGHT.) 

(MAMA PIG sits on a tree stump, crying/squealing.  After a few moments she sings:

MAMA PIG’S LAMENT

Oh me, oh my, oh me!

How sad can a mama pig be?

My sons are all grown up but they

Just sit around the house all day;

Will they stay indefinitely?

Oh me, oh my, oh me!

Oh my, oh me, oh my!

I can’t seem to understand why

Those boys of mine have never shown

Ambition to be on their own –

They won’t even give it a try!

Oh my, oh me, oh my!

By now they should have a home of their own,

A wife, some kids, a career.

The only time I’m ever alone

Is when I need help – they disappear!

(Sobs a few times)

Alack, alas, alack!

They go but they always come back.

They take a little trip each year;

It’s wonderful when they’re not here

But they always return and unpack;

And then can you guess who

Has a mountain of laundry to do?

(Points to herself and nods head ‘yes’)

Just one more reason to cry:

Oh my, oh me – oh my!

(WOLF enters STAGE RIGHT, walks to MAMA.)

WOLF:  (Clears his throat.)  Ahem.  Excuse me, Mrs. Pig.  Why are you crying?  Is there anything I can do?

MAMA:  (Looks up, sees the WOLF standing over her and panics.)  Oh, my – You’re a wolf!  I didn’t realize I’d gone so deep into the forest.  (Pleadingly)  Please, Mr. Wolf, don’t eat me.

WOLF:  Eat you?  You don’t have to worry about that, M’am.  I’m a vegetarian,  and I don’t eat meat.  

MAMA:  Whew!  That’s a relief.

WOLF:  May I ask why you’re in the forest, so far from your home?  I assume

you live on a farm of some sort.

MAMA:  Yes, I do.  But I just had to get away.

WOLF:    But why? Why would you want to come into the forest, of all places? I think living on a farm would be great.

MAMA:  Believe me, it’s not that great.  I have three children who . . .

WOLF:  Three children?  Really?  You look too young to have three children.  What do you have?

MAMA:  All boys.

WOLF:  How nice to have three little boys running around.

MAMA:  That’s just it, it’s not so nice.  Those “boys” are not little anymore –  they’re all grown up.  But they’re still home – and they’re driving me crazy.

WOLF:  If they’re now grownups, then why don’t you tell them to leave home?   Find their own place to live?

&lt

The Real Story of the Three Little Pigs

Author: David Reiser
DAVID REISER (composer/lyricist) has written 50 musicals, 30 of which have been published and are in continuous production throughout the U.S., Canada and — occasionally — abroad. Some of Mr. Reiser’s more significant productions include MOLINEAUX, at Theatre Row Theatre in New York City; BALLET RUSSES at Rosemary Branch Theatre, London; BEN at the National Theatre (Helen Hayes stage) in Washington, DC.; and MRS. SCROOGE at the Athenaeum Theatre in Chicago. Author: Judy Wolfman

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