All I Want For Christmas Is…

All I Want for Christmas Is…!

Story and Script 

by

Susan Blumer and Garrett Heater

Words and Music 

by

Garrett Heater

All I Want For Christmas Is…! 

 Copyright 2004  

by 

Susan Blumer and Garrett Heater

All Rights Reserved

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS…! is subject to a royalty.  It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, the British Commonwealth, including Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union.  All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, and the rights of translation into foreign language are strictly reserved. 

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CHARACTERS

ELFIS, Santa Claus’s rockin’ and rollin’ little elf.

PRANCER, Santa Claus’s caustic, smart-mouthed reindeer. 

SANTA CLAUS, the beloved icon of the holiday season.

ABIGAIL, a lonely, rich girl with an overactive imagination. 

CHRISTOPHER, a pre-teen boy who loves video games.

MADELINE, a poor girl with a single Christmas wish.

MR. I. C. ICLE, the frostiest man in town. 

CHRISTOPHER’S FATHER, single father trying to teach his son how to value the wonders of the holiday season.

MADELINE’S MOTHER, single mother trying her best to provide for her child. 

NEIGHBORHOOD CHILDREN/ TOYS/ ELVES

SETTING

Your hometown!

TIME

Present day Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

 Originally presented by the Baldwinsville Theatre Guild in December 2004. Directed by Garrett A. Heater. Stage manager / properties: Trish Thayer; choreography: Susan Blumer; costume design: Anne Gray; lighting: Sam Barbuto; scene design: Peter Gray. Produced by Denise Heater.

CAST OF CHARACTERS IN THE 

2004 BALDWINSVILLE THEATRE GUILD PRemiere

ELFIS Kurt Karandy

PRANCER Brian Hensley

SANTA CLAUS Al Ross

ABIGAIL Nicole Peinkofer

CHRISTOPHER Joseph Manganiello

MADELINE Julie Keefe / Holly McMahon

MR. I. C. ICLE Joshua Taylor

CHRISTOPHER’S FATHER Robert Peinkofer

MADELINE’S MOTHER Amy Blumer / Melissa DelGuercio

CHILDREN’S ENSEMBLE Taylor Sanders, Emily Denniston,

Gabe Kahn, Tyler Mackey, Lydia Darling*, Mackenzie O’Brien*, Carly Leworthy*, Rachel Beneway, Melissa Castellini*, Stephen Castellini**. 

* FROSTBITE, featured dancer

** MISTLETOE, the dog

ACT I 

Prologue

{Dusk on Christmas Eve. Extreme downstage right features an unlit Christmas tree. Extreme downstage left is Santa’s office in the North Pole. Center stage, ELFIS, wearing earmuffs to disguise his true identity, nods off on a stool in a local diner in front of the main curtain. His own snoring suddenly wakes him up.  He discover his imaginary meal has arrived. He addresses them directly with great enthusiasm.} 

Elfis: Well, hello there! My name is Elfis the elf, I guess you would like to know what I am doing here at       (he mentions the name of a popular local eatery)         – but before I begin, I will need total silence. So please turn off all your pagers and cell phones, and in case of an emergency, like complete boredom, you can run out of the doors marked “Exit” located here (he gestures to the theater fire exits) and there. (In the manner of Elvis) ‘Uh-huh!’ Now that we’ve done that, I can tell you why I am here. It is Christmas Eve and Santa has sent all of his elves to cities and towns all over the world, hence the disguise. (ELFIS lifts up his earmuffs, revealing his pointed ears.) They are to report back to Santa tonight, letting him know which little boys and girls have been naughty and nice. I have been assigned to ___(he mentions the name of the town)        – which is full of children who are both naughty and nice. Let’s take a look, shall we?

{The diner set is rolled off stage, the main curtain opens and reveals a street scene of the town mentioned above. The set pieces are comprised of various recognizable homes and landmarks that help to define the community. NEIGHBORHOOD CHILDREN play games in the snow. ELFIS skips around them, reveling in the holiday merriment.}

Scene 1 

“Christmastime is Here!”

Elfis: Christmastime is here!

It comes but once a year.

Trim that tree and string those lights!

Shovel that snow with all your might,

‘Cause Christmastime is here!

The world is full of cheer!

Hark, the herald angels sing,

See the joy that love can bring when

Christmastime is here!

{CHRISTOPHER and CHRISTOPHER’S FATHER enter, arguing.}

Christopher: Dad, come on, I’ve got to get back to my video game! There are so many more levels I need to beat tonight!

Christopher’s Father: Christopher, please calm down, the TV isn’t going anywhere. Listen, I thought we’d go see the big Christmas tree in      {mentions name of local, decorated public area}     . It’s huge!

Christopher: I’ve seen that tree before, Dad. Now, come on! My game! Let’s go!

Christopher’s Father: But look at all of your friends, playing in the snow. Don’t you want to join them?

Christopher: Snow is much more fun when it’s in video games, Dad! Now let’s go home, inside, to my TV! {Christopher tries unsuccessfully to pull his father off stage.}

Elfis: Christmastime is here!

Children, have no fear – 

Santa Claus is coming soon

With special toys for all of you

‘Cause Christmastime is here!

{MADELINE and MADELINE’S MOTHER enter.}

Madeline’s Mother: Are you warm enough, sweetheart?

Madeline: {She is shivering.} Yes.

Madeline’s Mother: You poor, brave thing. I know things are hard for us right now, but we’ll get through it. I bet Santa Claus will bring you something to keep you warm on Christmas morning.

Madeline: Mommy, look at all the children!

Madeline’s Mother: Yes, everyone is having lots of fun. Look at how beautiful everything looks.

Madeline: The snow makes everything sparkle!

Elfis: Could there be a happier winter’s day?

Christmas makes the sad times go away.

When school is out the children shout:

Neighborhood Children: {shouted} Christmastime is great!

{ABIGAIL enters, carrying a stack of brightly wrapped gifts before her.}

Abigail: I can’t see a thing! I’m glad my parents left me their credit cards, boy did I go on a shopping spree. And the best part is – they’re all for me! {ABIGAIL crashes into an unseen MADELINE and falls. Presents fly everywhere. CHRISTOPHER and CHRISTOPHER’S FATHER take notice.} Oh, you clumsy girl!

Madeline: I’m so sorry!

Abigail: Do you know how much all of this cost?

Madeline’s Mother: She didn’t see you, miss – we’re terribly sorry.

Abigail: If anything is broken – 

Christopher’s Father: Christopher, let’s help these people.

Abigail: Anything at all – 

Christopher’s Father: {to MADELINE’S MOTHER} Let me get that.

{CHRISTOPHER’S FATHER and MADELINE’S MOTHER reach for the same package. Their hands touch.}

Madeline’s Mother: Thank you.

Abigail: I’ll make sure you pay for any damages; now get out of my way! (She exits.)

Elfis: Christmastime is here!

It’s not a time for tears.

Sing the chorus far and wide – 

Banish frowns and do not cry

For Christmastime is here!

Fill those stockings, light that fire,

Hang that star a little higher!

Write those cards, deck your halls,

Go outside and throw snowballs!

Sing a carol, do good deeds,

Don’t forget those most in need.

When Christmastime arrives

I smile and give a sigh:

It’s Christmas!

Christmastime is here! 

{ELFIS tries to hold out his final note for as long as possible, stopping and then starting it again a few times, before giving up.} Oh, forget it!

Icle: {hollering from offstage.} What’s all that racket?

Child 1: Oh, no, it’s Mr. Icle!

Child 2: You mean icky Ickle?

Child 3: He’s the ickiest!

Child 4: He has a heart of pure ice!

Child 5: And when you look him in the eye – 

Child 6: Your heart will turn to ice, too!

ELFIS: (In the manner of Elvis) Don’t be cruel to a heart that’s true!

Child 7: Oh, no, here he comes now!

“Mr. I. C. Icle”

{To the slinking opening measures of his song MR. I. C. ICLE creeps about the stage, terrifying everyone. When he leers at them, they all look away.} 

Icle: It was a cold, cold morning when I entered this world.

That’s right, December 25th is the day of my birth.

With that in mind it’s easy to see

Why a frosty, cool demeanor suits a man like me.

All: Mr. I. C. – I. C. Icle,

Mr. I. C. – I. C. Icle.

Icle: Growin’ up as an Icle was so darn tough.

My last names pretty funny so the jokes were rough.

I got real mean, which really is a bummer,

Until my heart turned cold as iced tea in the summer.

All: Mr. I. C. – I. C. Icle,

Mr. I. C. – I. C. Icle.

Icle: My pops was a cold man and that’s the truth.

Yes, Pops Icle was as frigid as a big ice cube.

No presents for my birthday or even Christmas,

And all I ever wanted was a hug and some kisses!

All: Mr. I. C. – I. C. Icle,

Mr. I. C. – I. C. Icle.

Icle: So now when Christmas comes around I get real rude.

I yell at neighbor kids who say: “Merry Christmas, dude!”

And then I spend my birthday all by myself,

‘Cause I’m my only friend, I don’t like no one else.

Christmas Day just go away!

Icle: Mr. I. C. Icle!

Scene 2

{Santa’s office at the North Pole. PRANCER is sprawled across a large armchair while perusing Santa’s ‘Naughty and Nice’ List. Wearing Santa’s spectacles, he sucks sloppily on a candy cane as he reads the names aloud.}

Prancer: Let’s see who is on the ‘Naughty List’ this year… {PRANCER improvises a list of celebrities and other well-known public figures who have earned a spot on the list.} …Mr. Icle….

{SANTA enters, patting his bathrobe pockets, looking for his spectacles.}

Santa: Prancer!

Prancer: {He is engrossed in reading.} Prancer!? I better not be on the ‘Naughty List’ again this year!

Santa: Prancer, will you get out of my chair!

Prancer: {Springing up.} Santa! Oh! I was just, uh, proofreading your ‘Naughty and Nice’ List. 

Santa: Yeah, right, and I’m the Easter Bunny! Look, you’ve gotten reindeer hair all over the place! {He pulls out a dust-buster and vacuums the chair.} Now, how much of that list did you see? Ahem, my spectacles. {PRANCER hands them over.}

Prancer: Enough to see that Rudolph made the ‘Nice List’ again! Didn’t I tell you that he put ExLax in my breakfast oats last week?

Santa: Oh, Prancer, honestly – 

Prancer: He’s a rotten sugarplum! {He stomps about and pouts.}

Santa: Enough about Rudolph, Prancer! Now tell me, has Elfis returned with his report of naughty and nice children from      {He mentions the name of your town}     yet? It is nearly eight o’clock and I must finish my list. We’ve got a big night ahead of us!

Prancer: He’s not here, Santa. I guess his blue suede shoes couldn’t get him here on time.

{ELFIS bounds into the room.}

Elfis: Hey, Santa!

Santa: Well, Elfis has entered the building. How are things, little friend? Do you have that report from         {He mentions the name of your town}        ?

Elfis: Right here, Saint Nick. It’s the usual suspects on the ‘Naughty List’ and there are some real angels on the ‘Nice List.’  But Santa, there are some children I would like you to meet personally. They seem to be missing the point of Christmas entirely!

Santa: What do you mean, Elfis?

Elfis: Well, Christopher is always playing his video games and missing out on all the real joys of the holiday season. Abigail is just plain rude to everyone – she isn’t sharing any goodwill with mankind! And then there is Madeline.

Prancer: Madeline? It says here that she is on the ‘Nice List.’

Elfis: She is, Santa, and she has the most beautiful Christmas spirit. I think you should visit with her because it would bring so much well-deserved joy into her life.

Santa: Well, I’ll do it! But why visit them in     {he mentions the name of your town}      when they can come here to the North Pole?

Prancer: {Sensing something is up} What do you mean?

Santa: Prancer, Elfis, I would like you to seek out Christopher, Madeline, and Abigail and bring them here to the North Pole.

Prancer: But it’s cold outside!

Elfis: So put on one of Santa’s sweaters.

Prancer: Are you kidding? Those colors have been out of season for hundreds of years!

Santa: Than have Mrs. Claus find something warm for you to wear. I won’t hear another word about it, Prancer. I want you both on your way right now. And get back soon, we have a full night of important deliveries! Ho! Ho! Ho!

Elfis: Yes, sir!

{PRANCER and ELFIS exit.}

Prancer: {Singing as he goes} “Dashing through the snow, with an evil troll in my sleigh…”

Elfis: Be quiet!

Santa: {Settling into his chair, he begins to review his list.} Well, my little children, it is time you learned the true meaning of Christmas.

Scene 3

{The three separate bedrooms of Christopher, Abigail, and Madeline. Christopher’s room, stage right, features a TV with a video game system connected to it on a stand with CHRISTOPHER seated in a desk chair facing it. Downstage right of his room, in his home’s “living room,” there is an unlit Christmas tree, as mentioned in the beginning of the script. Abigail’s room, placed center, features a large, double door armoire at the back and a toy chest slightly right of center. Madeline’s room, stage left, features an uninviting, broken bed and a rocking chair. Lights come up on CHRISTOPHER.}

Christopher: {His face is lit solely by the TV screen. He is pounding feverishly on the video game controller.} Bam! Bam! Got you right where it counts you Dark Zombies!

Christopher’s Father: {Entering the darkened room.} Christopher, turn a light on, you’re going to hurt your eyes. {He pantomimes turning on a light switch. The lights in the bedroom rise considerably.} Please sit away from the screen. Have you even blinked in the past hour and a half?

Christopher: No way, Dad. If I blink, I might get zapped with a photon-blaster and get sent back two levels!

Christopher’s Father: Son, listen to me. It is Christmas Eve and we haven’t done anything to celebrate the holiday season. Why don’t we go to    {he mentions a local holiday attraction}   tonight before it closes. We can make it if we leave now. 

Christopher: Sure, Dad. Just let me beat this level and we can go.

Christopher’s Father: But that’s what you said three levels ago!

Christopher: But I have to beat the evil wizard Ramfeezo at the end of this round!

Christopher’s Father: Well, I hope that when you get to wizard Ramfiki, or whoever, he tells you to get off your fanny and help your father decorate the tree.

Christopher: Come on, Dad, you’re breaking my concentration.

Christopher’s Father: Christopher, you are missing out on the most wonderful time of year to battle the living dead in a video game! You need to participate in some human interaction. Do you want to grow up to be like Mr. Icle? Are you even listening to me?

Christopher: Yes! I got the Nimbus Ring! Total invincibility is mine for thirty seconds!

Christopher’s Father: And don’t think for one minute that you’ll be playing any of these games when your relatives come to visit.

Christopher: What, Dad? I didn’t hear you.

Christopher’s Father: I just want you to know that the video games can never love you, no matter how much you love them, Christopher. I just want you to think about that. I’ll be in the living room decorating the tree if you care to join me. {He begins to leave.}

Christopher: I love you too, Dad, goodnight!

Christopher’s Father: {Completely dismayed.} Goodnight son. Merry Christmas. {He exits.}

Christopher: Why would I want to decorate some tree when – Ramfeezo the Wizard! Finally! {He plays intensely for a few moments.} No – no – NO!!! Dead! Game over! I didn’t stand a chance. {He sings.}

“Plug Me In!”

Christopher: Reset! Reset!

 I have to play again!

If I stop now I’ll never know 

What happens in the end!

Through the mountains, o’er the hills,

Battling ogres with my skills,

Flinging arrows, climbing trees,

Stealing treasure, time to flee!

Christmas doesn’t stand a chance

Against this wizard’s forces.

Santa Claus would wet his pants

His reindeer would divorce him.

The wizard’d cast a magic spell 

On Santa’s wooden sleigh.

Instead of going ‘round the world

He’d shoot through outer space!

Plug me in, to any TV,

I’ll sit for hours and play.

Plug me in, it’s the best thing

To while the hours away.

While the neighborhood is wrapping,

You can bet I won’t be napping – 

My controller I’ll be tapping!

Plug me in, plug me in!

{CHRISTOPHER’S FATHER enters the “living room,” which is the Christmas tree placed downstage right, with a box of ornaments, prepared to tackle the chore of decorating the tree alone.}

Christopher’s Father: They’re out! They’re out!

Which one of them is blown?

I really wish I had some help

And not do this alone.

Pull one out and then one more

It may be this one, I’m not sure.

Replace them both, without a doubt

This one’s it – but it’s still out!

Give the cord a little jiggle,

Hope this does the trick.

Give the tree a little wiggle,

How about a kick?!

{CHRISTOPHER’S FATHER gives the tree a kick and it miraculously lights up.}

Ah! That’s all I had to do!

It’s shining like a beacon!

It fills my heart with faith in all – 

I love the Christmas season!

Plug them in, those little white lights

Around the Christmas tree.

Plug them in – Christmas spirits

Got a hold of me!

When I see bulbs blink and wink

You know exactly what I think;

It puts me in the mood to sing!

Plug them in, plug them in!

Christopher and Christopher’s Father:

Plug me/them in, this is the most fun

I’ve had in forever!

Plug me/them in, there’s nothing that could

Bring me greater pleasure.

Christopher: Shoot those zombies one by one!

Christopher’s Father: Watch out, garland, here I come!

Together: It’s too bad I’m almost done.

Christopher’s Father: {Spoken} They’re out!

Christopher: {Spoken} Game over!

Together: Plug me in, plug me in, plug me in!

{CHRISTOPHER’S FATHER exits. ELFIS and PRANCER slowly emerge from behind the Christmas tree and decorations are hanging from PRANCER’S antlers. He is also wearing one of Mrs. Claus’s warm, pink yarn ponchos. They stealthily creep into Christopher’s room unseen, PRANCER behind Christopher and ELFIS behind the TV.}

Christopher: Well, I can reset my game again. I don’t need to go help Dad with that old tree – that’s kids stuff.

Elfis: What are you wearing? Don’t tell me you paid full price for that…

Prancer: Oh, hush up! It’s from Mrs. Claus and I think it makes me look…

{ELFIS suddenly unplugs the TV set. CHRISTOPHER spies PRANCER behind him and gasps.}

…huggable! 

{PRANCER throws a giant toy sack over his head as CHRISTOPHER yells. Blackout. Lights come up on Madeline’s cramped home. MADELINE sits in bed while her mother combs her hair.}

Madeline’s Mother: Tomorrow morning is Christmas Day, Madeline, aren’t you excited? 

Madeline: Yes, Mommy, but how will Santa find us now that we’ve moved?

Madeline’s Mother: He always knows where the children of the world are, sweetheart. Don’t worry about that.

Madeline: But we don’t have a chimney for him to slide down, or a fireplace place to hang our stockings on.

Madeline’s Mother: Santa always finds a way, Maddy, and he’ll find your stocking where we tacked it to the windowsill. Now, what did you wish for in your letter to Santa?

Madeline: I can’t tell you, Mommy, or it won’t come true!

Madeline’s Mother: Alright, dear. Now go to sleep, and when you wake up in the morning, you’ll see what Santa has brought for you!

Madeline: Okay. Goodnight, Mommy, I love you.

Madeline’s Mother: I love you too, darling.

{As the music begins and MADELINE falls asleep in her bed, MADELINE’S MOTHER retires to the rocking chair and pulls out a sweater that she has almost finished knitting for her daughter. She yawns, puts the sweater away, and falls asleep in the rocking chair. MADELINE wakes up, runs to the window and pantomimes looking outside for Santa. Seeing nothing, she returns to bed.}

“Someone to Love”

Madeline: Its cold in here, it’s windy out

But it doesn’t bother me.

My mother’s love will keep me warm

‘Til winter turns to spring.

With all the love she loves me with

I cannot help but wish;

Dear Santa, you’ll see what I wrote,

There’s just one thing on my list.

When stars come out, the sun is gone.

The snow is still and all is calm.

Santa’s soaring through the sky

With my special prize.

It’s not for me, but for my mom.

My Christmas list isn’t long.

Dearest Santa, bring my mother

Someone to love.

Someone to care and make her laugh,

To make her smile when all looks black,

Someone to love her as I do;

That’s all I want.

Presents won’t bring me happiness,

This is something your elves can’t make.

But if you bring her someone to love

Her heart will never break.

So listen close, if you can hear

At the North Pole, Santa dear;

Bring my mother what I wish,

Someone to love.

Bring my mother what I wish,

Someone to love!

{MADELINE drifts off to sleep. ELFIS and PRANCER appear outside of the “window” and pantomime sliding it open. ELFIS stumbles in first and then grabs PRANCER by the antlers to pull him in as well.}

Elfis: Shush, Prancer! This one might give us trouble, like that boy Christopher. 

Prancer: He bit my hoof!

Elfis: I’d bite your hoof too if you carried me off in a sack! You’re a talking reindeer in a pink poncho – I’d be scared for my life!

Prancer: Speak for yourself. You’re an elf who wears rhinestone bellbottoms!

Elfis: Be quiet, you flying cow! {PRANCER gasps in shock at the remark.}

Madeline: {Waking suddenly.} Santa? {PRANCER and ELFIS hit the floor near the bed to hide.} Oh, my, it’s Rudolph!

Prancer: {He rises slowly, his rage building.} Madam, I am not that aforementioned beast of burden you speak of. He shames us all with that obscene red nose of his.

Madeline: But you have a red nose!

Prancer: Only because it’s cold outside!

Elfis: Prancer, please. Hello, Madeline.

Madeline: Mommy! Mommy! Get a camera, Elvis is alive!

Prancer: Oh, brother!

Elfis: Please, no mothers and no pictures…and thank you for the Elvis compliment.

Prancer: She’s getting rowdy, hound-dog, should we use the bag? {He eagerly prepares to “bag” Madeline.}

Elfis: No, I don’t think we need the bag for this one. 

{Lights fade as ELFIS picks up MADELINE to carry her away. Lights come up on Abigail’s luxurious bedroom. ABIGAIL sits solemnly on her toy chest, reading two postcards from her parents.}

Abigail: ‘Christmas in Venice is molto bene! Wish you were here, love, Father.’ ‘Christmas in Aspen is heavenly! Wish you were here, love, Mother.’ Why do

All I Want For Christmas Is…

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