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Snow White And The Seven Little Dudes
Mix together a wicked queen, Snow White, the greatest singer in Rocklandia, and seven little men that have their own rock band for a fun play.| Name | Description | ||
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Snow White And The Seven Little Dudes
Mix together a wicked queen, Snow White, the greatest singer in Rocklandia, and seven little men that have their own rock band, and you are in for a delightful, modernized retelling of this delightful fairy tale.
Author: Daris Howard
Synopsis:
Anyone who is anyone in Rocklandia is part of a band. But the queen, from a foreign country, can’t sing. She dreams of a baby that will have a beautiful voice. Her baby, Susan, whom everyone calls Snow White, is born with a beautiful voice.
But the queen dies, and the new queen doesn’t like anyone singing better than she does. This causes problems for Snow White. She tries to talk to her father, but he is too distracted with the wars between his country and those of Jazzland, Operaland, Bluesland, and others.
When the magic mirror informs the queen that Snow White sings better, she decides to have her agent, Mr. Huntsman, trick her into drinking something that will destroy her voice.
Mr. Huntsman can not do it, and she ends up living with the seven dwarves, who have their own rock band and are in need of a female vocalist.
When the queen tries to destroy Snow White’s voice on her own, the tables are turned so that everyone can sing happily ever after.
Snow White And The Seven Little Dudes
Snow White And The Seven Little Dudes
by
Daris Howard
Snow White And The Seven Little Dudes
Copyright 2011
by Daris Howard
All Rights Reserved
CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN LITTLE DUDES is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, the British Commonwealth, including Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, and the rights of translation into foreign language are strictly reserved.
The amateur live stage performance rights to SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN LITTLE DUDES are controlled exclusively by Drama Source and royalty arrangements and licenses must be secured well in advance of presentation. PLEASE NOTE that amateur royalty fees are set upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances. When applying for a royalty quotation and license please give us the number of performances intended and dates of production. Royalties are payable one week before the opening performance of the play to Drama Source Co., 1588 E. 361 N., St. Anthony, Idaho 83445, unless other arrangements are made.
Royalty of the required amount must be paid whether the play is presented for charity or gain, and whether or not admission is charged. For all other rights than those stipulated above, apply to Drama Source Company, 1588 E. 361 N. St. Anthony, Idaho 83445.
Copying from this book in whole or in part is strictly forbidden by law, and the right of performance is not transferable.
Whenever the play is produced, the following notice must appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the play, “Produced by special arrangement with Drama Source Co.”
Due authorship credit must be given on all programs, printing and advertising for the play.
No one shall commit or authorize any act or omission by which the copyright or the rights to copyright of this play may be impaired.
No one shall make changes in this play for the purpose of production without written permission.
Publication of this play does not imply availability for performance. Both amateurs and professionals considering a production are strongly advised in their own interests to apply to Drama Source Company for written permission before starting rehearsals, advertising, or booking a theatre.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means, now known or yet to be invented, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, videotaping or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Cast
Note: This is Rocklandia, the land of rock and roll. Everyone, where appropriate, can dress with sunglasses and other things to make them look like musicians. They can mix their character dress with musician dress as desired.
Mirrory – Dressed up to look like the magic mirror. Could be any gender.
Wardy – Dressed up to look like a wardrobe. Could be any gender.
Chester – Dressed up to look like a chest of drawers. Could be any gender.
Brunehilda (Queen) – Big, imposing woman, dressed like opera singer with horned hat.
King – Dressed to look like Elvis Presley
Lord High Chamberlain (LHC) – middle aged man, wears cool clothes
Minister Of Music (MOM) – middle aged man wears cool clothes
Messenger 1 – dressed like musician/messenger (could be male, or female dressed as male)
Messenger 2 – dressed like musician/messenger (could be male, or female dressed as male)
Messenger 3 – dressed like musician/messenger (could be male, or female dressed as male)
Snow White (Susan or Anne) – dressed as princess/female musician
Alvin – dressed originally like a guard and at end like one of the chipmunks
Simon – dressed originally like a guard and at end like one of the chipmunks
Theodore – dressed originally like a guard and at end like one of the chipmunks
Servant – dressed as servant/musician (female)
Mr. Huntsman – dressed as hunter/musician. The queen’s agent as well.
Note on the dwarves
For the characters of the 7 dwarves, they can take on any individual persona in addition to their normal characters, as well as musicians. Each one can be different. One could take on the persona of a cowboy, one an Englishman, one French, etc. This will give them each some difference in character that can be played on by the individual actor. (Females could play some of the parts dressed as men.)
Doc (Cool Cat – C.C.)
Grumpy (Ringo Jingo -R.J.)
Happy (Less Clue – L.C.)
Sleepy (Jewel Jammer – J.J.)
Bashful (Boy Slim – Slim)
Sneezy (Politi Bo – P.B.)
Dopey (Will)
Here is a reference to the original dwarves, but their characters can be changed as desired. This is only for reference.
Doc — Short beard — Red tunic, brown hat, glasses
Grumpy — Long beard — Red tunic, brown hat, scowl
Happy — Short beard — Brown top, orange headpiece, smile
Sleepy — Long beard — Green top, blue hat, heavy eyelids
Bashful — Long beard — Brown top, green hat, long eyelashes
Sneezy — Short beard — brown jacket, orange headpiece, red nose
Dopey — Beardless — Green tunic, purple hat, big ears
Snow White And The Seven Little Dudes
{The scene opens to the palace room. To one side of the stage is where the king holds his council, the other side is the queen’s chamber with three magical pieces of furniture, Mirrory, (the magic mirror), Wardy (the wardrobe), and Chester (the chest of drawers).}
Mirrory: {In a eerie voice} In a far away country, in a far away land, lived a king who loved music and had his own rock {Slight pause} group.
Wardy: Oh, for cryin’ out loud, Mirrory. Can’t you even get a simple rhyme right? The word that rhymes with land is band. Band! Band!
Mirrory: {In a normal voice} Oh, and I suppose you are oh-so-smart?
Wardy: Well, at least I know how to make a rhyme.
Mirrory: And at least I always tell the truth!
Wardy: Truth?! Truth?! I suppose you are referring to the little episode about the dress the other day. Well, for your information, the queen’s looking fat had nothing to do with the dress.
Mirrory: So why didn’t you tell her that?
Wardy: That was not what she asked. She only asked me if the dress made her look fat.
Mirrory: She looked like a walrus.
Wardy: Why didn’t you tell her that if you are so almighty truthful? All you said was she looked beautiful.
Mirrory: She did. For a walrus.
Wardy: Then you admit that you were afraid she’d have one of her three thugs chop you up and use you for kindling.
Mirrory: I didn’t say any such thing. I just said…
Chester: Are you two quite through bickering? I thought we were telling a story here.
Mirrory: I was, at least until I was so rudely interrupted.
Wardy: Rude! I’ll tell you what is rude! Anyone that…
Chester: I will continue the story. {To the audience} You see, here in the land of Rock and Roll, which we call Rocklandia, everyone who is anybody sings in a rock band. But the king had traveled to a far country named {Fill in the blank with your home state, province, etc.} to find a queen, and she was just a normal kind of person.
Wardy: And she didn’t sing in a rock band.
Mirrory: Not a single note.
Chester: So as much as the people loved her, she always felt a bit left out. She always prayed for a child, and even more, she prayed that her child would be able to sing and have other musical talents.
Wardy: And she did indeed have a child, a girl, whom she named {Pause} Susan.
Chester: Susan? Wait a minute. What kind of name is Susan for a princess? I thought her name was Snow White.
Mirrory: What closet have you been locked in? Snow White is only her nickname.
Wardy: Well, excuse me for not knowing, Mr. All-Knowing, All-Seeing.
Chester: She got her nickname because…
Wardy: Let me guess. Because her skin is so white?
Chester: Yes, and you know why her skin is so white?
Wardy: Birth defect?
Chester: No, of course not. She is a princess. It is because she doesn’t eat her fruits and vegetables. Oh, a poisoned apple here and there, but basically she mostly eats the sweet pastries the cook makes.
Mirrory: The same ones that make the new queen look like a walrus.
Chester: Yes.
Mirrory: Excuse me, but I think we are getting off the subject again.
Chester: You are quite right. Let’s see, where were we?
Mirrory: You were telling about when Susan, or shall we say, Snow White, was born.
Chester: Oh, yes. Well, you see, the queen’s health wasn’t all that good, and she soon passed on to that great concert hall in the sky. A sad day for all of us.
Wardy: But not as sad as the day the king married Brunehilda.
Mirrory: And the sad thing is that Brunehilda is from Opera Land.
Chester: Indeed. And now that she is in Rocklandia, she sings rock like, well, like..
Mirrory: Like a walrus.
Wardy: Forget the walrus!
Chester: Anyway, it is like…
Mirrory: Like nothing you’ve ever herd before that is what.
Wardy: But you keep telling her she has the most beautiful voice.
Mirrory: That is actually the truth. She does have a beautiful voice, for a walrus.
Wardy: Stop it with the walrus. She might hear you.
Mirrory: Anyway, rock and roll was not meant to be sung opera style.
Chester: But the real problem is that Snow White has a beautiful voice too, and the new queen is jealous.
Mirrory: Yes, in fact she comes in every day to…
Wardy: Quiet! She is coming.
{The queen enters. She is dressed like the common picture of an opera singer with the horn hat and all. She comes over and stands in front of Mirrory and speaks in a slow commanding voice.}
Brunehilda: Magic mirror on the wall, who has the most beautiful voice of all?
Mirrory: {In the eerie voice} In the world there is not to be seen another with a voice as lovely as our {slight pause} Brunehilda.
Brunehilda: {Shaking her head in disgust} All that money I paid for a magic mirror and I had to get a defective one that can’t even get his rhymes right. How am I supposed to sound diabolical if my mirror can’t even do a rhyme?
Mirrory: Your majesty, you know you did buy me at the second hand shop. Why did you think I would be in a second hand shop? The magic dwarf that made me had let his poetic license expire. He really messed up when he did that.
Brunehilda: Yeah, and so did I when I bought you. {Shaking her fist at him} I swear someday I’m going to…
Mirrory: Just remember, Your Majesty, that it would cost you seven years of bad luck to break a mirror.
Brunehilda: It might be worth it!
{Brunehilda storms out.}
Wardy: Boy, that was close. I thought you were a goner.
Mirrory: That is not the biggest problem. The biggest problem is that Snow White’s voice is getting more lovely each day, and this curse I have of having to always tell the truth means I can’t lie when her voice becomes more beautiful than the queen’s.
Wardy: Then you will be telling your bad unrhymes from a landfill.
Chester: {Stage whisper} Quiet now, I hear someone coming.
{The king and his two advisors, Lord High Chamberlain and the Minister of Music, come in.}
King: Have the reports come in from the frontiers yet this morning?
LHC: They just arrived, Sire. They are just waiting your command to bid them enter.
King: Have the first one come in, then.
{LHC waves off stage and the Messenger 1 comes running in and kneels before the king.}
Messenger 1: The report from the Jazzlandia front, Sire.
King: Arise and speak.
Messenger 1: {Rising to face the king} Your Majesty, we were doing very well, making great progress. Our army was just reaching the high point of the chorus when their army counter attacked.
King: Oh, my goodness! What happened?
Messenger 1: They…{Pause} I hate to say it, Sire; it was so dreadful.
LHC: Out with it, man. Withholding information is an offense punishable by three solid days of listening to opera.
{MOM hits LHC.}
LHC: What did you do that for?
MOM: You know the new law, and you know I had to hit you. The king does not want to hear that swear word in this country anymore.
LHC: You mean the word Opera?
{MOM hit LHC again.}
LHC: Ow! {LHC turns to King} Your Majesty, I must protest. How are we supposed to talk intelligently about our war with Operaland if we can’t use that word?
King: I suppose you will have to just say “the O word” when you want to talk about Opera. Oh, now look what you did. You made me go and swear. I guess then a punishment must be inflicted. Go ahead.
{MOM hits LHC.}
LHC: Ow! How come when you say it, I am the one that gets hit, Your Majesty?
King: You don’t think it is right for someone to hit the king, do you?
LHC: Of course not.
King: But the law was broken, and when the law is broken, there must be a punishment, correct?
LHC: Well, yes, but…
King: Then don’t you think that the person closest to the king should bear the punishment? And you are my most trusted advisor.
MOM: {Acting all righteous} I personally would consider it as a great honor to bear that for you my king.
LHC: {Smiling as if getting an idea} Your Majesty, it is, of course, an honor to bear it for you, but I hate to take all of the honor for myself. I would, therefore, gladly share with the Minister of Music. In fact, I feel you honor me plenty, and would indeed let him have all of the honor of taking it for you.
MOM: {Flustered at this turn of events} I would have to object. I could not take all of the honor for myself.
LHC: {Sarcastically} I insist, my friend.
MOM: Oh, no, I couldn’t. You can keep it for…
King: That is enough. I’m sure we can have enough honor to go around. Every time I inadvertently swear, you can switch off. I suppose we should try it. Opera.
{LHC hits MOM}
MOM: Ow!
King: Opera.
{MOM hits LHC}
LHC: Ow!
King: Opera.
{LHC hits MOM a little harder.}
MOM: Ow! Dang it! Ow!
King: Opera.
{MOM hits LHC a little harder.}
LHC: Confound it, that hurt!
King: I could really enjoy this.
Messenger 1: Your Majesty, I still have my report.
King: Oh, yes.
Messenger 1: As I was saying, we were just making progress, and then the Jazzlandia army… {He pauses and cringes.}
King: Out with it, man, if you don’t want to have to listen to opera for three days.
{LHC hits MOM.}
MOM: Not so hard!
Messenger 1: We were just making progress, and then the Jazzlandia army…, well, they…they improvised, Sire.
King: Improvised! Why, of all the dastardly tricks!
Messanger1: It caused great confusion in the section ranks. It was awful, Your Highness.
King: Fighting dirty, are they?
Messanger1: Not only that, Sire, but they switched off, with each person in the group doing his own improvisation. It went on for days.
King: But I didn’t hear anything about this yesterday.
Messenger 1: Maybe it just seemed to go on for days. It can do that, you know.
King: How did our army take it?
Messanger1: It wore them down, Sire. It was horrible. In fact, Jazzlandia had one musician that was so bad, they finally took away his horn and gave him two sticks and put him on percussion.
LHC: Oh, my, no!
Messenger 1: And when he still couldn’t play, they took away one of the sticks and put him in front to conduct.
LHC: How demoralizing to our army that must have been!
Messanger1: Yes, but smart on Jazzlandia’s part. Anyways, what command should I take back?
King: I don’t know. Perhaps we could have our men learn to improvise.
MOM: Oh, Your Majesty. Do you know of what you speak? Rock music improvised? That’s like…that’s like…
LHC: Torture is the word.
King: Perhaps we could provide our army with ear plugs before they start.
LHC: I’m afraid improvising rock music would violate the Geneva Convention on human rights, Sire.
King: Then what do you suggest?
LHC: I hate to suggest it, but we might have no choice. Some of the modern rock groups simply stick with only playing three chords over and over and over. It’s almost like improvising.
MOM: Or worse.
LHC: Perhaps we could gain ground with that.
MOM: Or another option is to have them simply play so loud that no one can pick out a tune. Then no one will care what they play.
King: Don’t the modern groups do that as well?
LHC: Some of them. They can only play three chords, so they make up for it by playing loud to cover it up.
King: Then that is what we will do. Messenger, return and report to your band generals.
Messenger 1: Yes, Your Majesty.
{Messenger 1 exits.}
LHC: It is possible, Your Majesty, that under such harsh conditions, we may have to cut the amount of time men can serve in the army.
King: That is a consideration for another day. Summon the next Messenger.
{LHC waves offstage, and Messenger 2 enters.}
Messenger 2: Your Majesty. I have the report from the frontier with Countryland.
King: Oh, yes. Who is the king over there now?
LHC: I hear the king of Country is Brooks, Sire. King Brooks of Countryland.
King: That doesn’t sound all that scary.
Messenger 2: No, but country music is always the same.
King: How’s that?
Messenger 2: You start listening to it, and the next thing you know your horse dies, you wife leaves you, your truck falls apart, and your dog bites no one but you.
King: That’s horrible.
Messenger 2: Yes, Sire.
King: Perhaps we could just provide earplugs for our men so they don’t have to listen to it.
Messenger 2: Won’t help, Sire. Once they’ve heard it, they can never get it out of their heads.
LHC: I’m afraid that is the case, Sire. Men on the front with Country come back with Post Traumatic Music Disorder. The music haunts them the rest of their lives.
MOM: It has become a huge expense, Sire. Men will be just as normal as they can be, and then they will break into singing something about a hound dog or something. No matter what we do, we can never cure them.
King: There has got to be a way to fight back and beat them at their own game.
LHC: What do suggest, Your Majesty?
King: Perhaps we could play “It’s A Small World” over and over to fight back.
LHC: Remember the Geneva Convention On Human Rights, Sire. That song is banned in warfare.
King: You’re right. I forgot.
MOM: There is that little children’s song, Sire.
King: Which one is that?
MOM: {Singing} This is the song that never ends, cause it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and now they’ll continue singing it forever, just because, this is the song that never ends, ’cause it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and now they’ll continue singing it forever just because, this is the song that never…
LHC: Stop! Stop! Do you want to drive us all mad?
King: Messenger, take that song back, and the Minister of Music with it.
MOM: Excuse me, Sire?
King: I was only kidding. {Pause} Kind of.
Messenger 2: But, Sire, what if it drives our army mad first?
King: Have them do it in short intervals in rotation so they can bear it.
Messenger 2: Yes, Sire.
King: You are excused.
Messenger 2: Yes, Sire.
LHC: I hope that all works out well, Sire.
King: What could possibly go wrong?
LHC: Well, I am reminded of that news report of the scout master that tried to feed all of his scouts to the bears.
MOM: Oh, yes. I remember that.
King: I don’t. Refresh my memory.
LHC: The scouts sang 100 bottles of beer on the wall, and when they finished, they started over.
King: I can’t blame him for trying to feed them to the bears. Whatever happened to the scoutmaster?
Snow White And The Seven Little Dudes
Author: Daris Howard Daris Howard is an author and playwright who grew up on a farm in rural Idaho. He associated with many colorful characters including cowboys, farmers, lumberjacks and others.Daris and his wife, Donna, have ten children and were foster parents for several years. He has also worked in scouting and cub scouts, at one time having 18 boys in his scout troop.
His plays, musicals, and books build on the characters of those he has associated with, along with his many experiences, to bring his work to life.
He and his family have enjoyed running a summer community theatre where he gets a chance to premiere his theatrical works and rework them to make them better. His published plays and books can be seen at http://www.darishoward.com. He has plays translated into German and French and his work has been done in many countries around the world.
In the last few years, Daris has started writing books and short stories. He writes a popular news column called Life’s Outtakes, that consists of weekly short stories and is published in various newspapers and magazines in the U.S. and Canada and has won many awards for his writing.
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